Christmas and fear

As John Lennon would sing:

So this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun

The near and the dear ones

The old and the young

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one

Without any fear

At the household where I partake in the Christmas spirit, it is all good, with most being happy and some having short-term content.  Yes, I said content, which, to me, is being in a state of peaceful happiness.  Although we all realize the overworked and dog-eat-dog rat race we all became part of will soon be back in our faces.

I have a habit (good or bad, depending on how you look at it) of using part of Christmas to look up old friends and find comfort in the fact that the world is OK.  We are all alive and well, which is most important.

This Christmas, I shed a tear.  I learned Garret Zwickey, a 28-year-old, died a few weeks ago.  No family should have to endure that pain, but I find more than one that does every year.  Each year for the past six years, I know of an individual under 30 whom the parents must say goodbye to soon.

As I get older, the words of John Lennon, without any fear, are harder to accept.  My fear increases yearly.  This opens the door to the great debate about fear.  To address this topic, we must enter the realm of planetary evolution on a much bigger scale.  We must view ourselves as powerful beings who wish to evolve to our highest potential rather than as weak people trying to cope with a less-than-optimal situation.

The first thing is fear is part of our biology.  The experience of fear arises from the infamous amygdala in the ancient, reptilian portion of our brains.  But I do not want to debate our biological structure.  I will leave that to the scientists and anthropologists of our time.  I wish, “Is fear essential?”

Fear is in our lives.  Whenever we attempt to stray outside our comfort zone or change our habits and beliefs, fear will hit us like a shockwave and warn us to stay put.  And like the well-trained dog, we soon learn to do so.  We become fearful of our creative ability to evolve and change, and we learn to deem such things dangerous.  Fear teaches us to be extremely wary of our better and higher selves.

How about all of the times you have passionately wanted to make something of your life and fulfill your life’s purpose?  Has fear supported you in doing that?  Has fear said, “Go for it!  You are a creative, empowered, intelligent being.  You can do it!” When was the last time you heard fear say that to you?  Of course, the answer is “Never.”

No, fear probably said something like this to you: “You can’t do that!  What will people think?  Besides, you’re too stupid.  Remember all the other times you failed?  You don’t want to expose what a loser you are, do you?” In other words, according to fear, the consequences will be dire indeed.  And just to make sure that the negative messages really sink in, all of this negative self-talk will be accompanied by miserable physical sensations of anxiety and worry, which are the closely-knit cousins of fear.

Fear is basically an inhibitor.  It is not a friend.  It inhibits you from highly negative experiences, whether they be physical, mental, or emotional.  Fear acts as the antidote to consciousness and evolution.  When was the last time you made a good decision from a fear-based place?  When was the last time you had clarity when acting from a basis of fear?  And at the most basic level, when was the last time you felt beautiful when experiencing fear?  Have you noticed that love is nowhere to be found when feeling fear?

So, let’s dispense with this idea that fear is a necessary friend.  Let’s call it what it is; an outdated, outmoded, primitive part of our biology and consciousness.  It causes us to war with each other like animals.  It causes us to lose control and behave irrationally.  It makes us stupid and ineffective.  Ultimately, it shuts down consciousness, love, and intelligence altogether.  Fear is completely incompatible with our higher selves.

Yet, I fear the loss of a loved one, additional tragic moments on the earth, and so many things.  I need to learn to deal with the fears, but how can I when I keep learning of dear friends saying goodbye too soon.  RIP, Garret and Cammi, Gary, Brent, and Shannon remain strong for each other and cherish the memories.  May I learn to release some fear, as it controls one’s life?

Carry on, my friends, carry on…

I do not make my bed...

I am at an all-time low. I sense my old pal Steve Quick feels the same! He suspended his blog.

I see problems all around me and the world. It appears nothing can be done about them. People are losing hope, yet hope seems destroyed everywhere I turn. Like recently, I knew of a woman who told a man, "I will not leave you," in a text and then days later said We were breaking up and never contacted me again. How can we trust a human being? Especially when you think you know them, you get slapped or run over by them in a truck.

Like my last post, we are not allowed to be ourselves. In a world where everyone is preaching, we should be ourselves; we can't. I have been reminded not to have an ugly sweater contest, which is inappropriate. I have been chastised when I say Merry Christmas as I am to say "Happy Holidays."

Loved ones ask your opinion and spend hours telling you how wrong you are! I get asked for advice, yet they have yet to follow it one bit, then ask the same question again. I give the same advice, and they do something different. I can respect them for not taking my advice, but why ask me again? Frustration at the highest.

Everywhere I turn, someone complains about how I live. I chew too loud (with my mouth closed), I am deaf or stupid, the comfortable clothes are hated, and people let me know that I drive too slow, I drive too fast, I go to bed too early, I do not pick up after myself good enough, I walk to slow, I am unhealthy, I need to get a life, I am blind, and etc...  I think I can't go through a day without getting a verbal slap in the face.

Recently, I heard the 2014 University of Texas commencement speech from alum William H. McRaven. McRaven, the commander of the U.S. Special Operations Command, organized the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.  

He provided 10 lessons to life; I will only add a few, as they were the most applicable as I envision a marine who has been emotionally brought down to the dirt. Here are some of the lessons:

Lesson – Make your bed

Every morning in basic SEAL training, my instructors, who were all Viet Nam veterans at the time, would show up in my barracks room, and the first thing they would inspect was my bed. If you did it right, the corners would be square, the covers pulled tight, the pillow centered just under the headboard, and the extra blanket folded neatly at the foot of the rack—rack—that's Navy talk for bed.

It was a simple task—mundane at best—but we were required to make our beds to perfection every morning. It seemed a little ridiculous at the time, mainly because we were aspiring to be real warriors, stern battle-hardened SEALs—but the wisdom of this simple act has been proven to me many times over.

If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the day's first task. This will give you a small sense of pride and encourage you to do another task and another. By the end of the day, that one task will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.

You must do the little things right to do the big things right.

And, if you have a miserable day by chance, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed encourages you that tomorrow will be better.

If you want to change the world, start by making your bed.

  

Lesson – Have a BIG Heart

After a few weeks of difficult training, my SEAL class started with 150 men and was down to 35. There were now six boat crews of seven men each. I was in the boat with the tall guys, but our best boat crew was made up of the little guys—the munchkin crew, we called them—no one was over about 5-foot-five. The munchkin boat crew had one American Indian, one African American, one Polish American, one Greek American, one Italian American, and two tough kids from the Midwest. They out-paddled, out-ran, and out-swam all the other boat crews.

The big men in the other boat crews would always make good-natured fun of the tiny little flippers the munchkins put on their tiny little feet before every swim.

But somehow, these little guys, from every corner of the Nation and the world, always had the last laugh— swimming faster than everyone and reaching the shore long before the rest of us.

SEAL training was a great equalizer. Nothing mattered but your will to succeed—not your color, not your ethnic background, not your education, and not your social status.

If you want to change the world, measure a person by the size of their heart, not their flippers.

Lesson – Keep Moving Forward

Several times a week, the instructors would line up the class and do a uniform inspection. It was extensive. Your hat had to be perfectly starched, your uniform immaculately pressed, and your belt buckle shiny and void of smudges.

But it needed to improve no matter how much effort you put into starching your hat, pressing your uniform, or polishing your belt buckle. The instructors would find "something" wrong. To fail the uniform inspection, the student had to run, fully clothed, into the surf zone and then, wet from head to toe, roll around on the beach until every part of their body was covered with sand.

The effect was known as a "sugar cookie." You stayed in that uniform the rest of the day—cold, wet, and sandy.

Many students couldn't accept that all their efforts were in vain and that it was unappreciated no matter how hard they tried to get the uniform right. Those students didn't make it through training. Those students needed help understanding the purpose of the drill. You were going to fail. You were never going to have a perfect uniform.

Sometimes, you still end up as a sugar cookie, no matter how well you prepare or perform. It's just the way life is sometimes.

If you want to change the world, get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

  

Lesson  – Do not ring the bell

Finally, in SEAL training, a brass bell hangs in the center of the compound for all the students to see. All you have to do to quit is ring the bell. Ring the bell, and you no longer have to wake up at 5. Ring the bell, and you no longer have to do the freezing cold swims.

Ring the bell, and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT—and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

Just ring the bell.

If you want to change the world, never ring the bell.

Start each day with a task completed.

Find someone to help you through life.

Respect everyone.

Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often, but if you take some risks, step up when the times are toughest, face the bullies, lift up the downtrodden, and never give up. If you do these things, the next generation and the generations that follow will live in a world far better than the one we have today, and what started here will indeed have changed the world for the better.

It was a GREAT speech with many truths. I still choose not to ring the bell, but these past three months, I have taken every ounce of energy to ring it loud and clear.  

Oh, I made my bed yesterday. It may have made a difference, but I will try again.

Carry on, my friends, Carry on,  

Irave and Irant but not about irack

We have the Holidays with us once again.  What is it?  Christmas” is a compound word.  It is Christ’s Mass.  In addition to “Christmas,” the holiday has been known by various other names throughout its history.  I have heard it referred to as “midwinter.” We hear Nativity.  Yule tide, the Day of Birth, and so many others.  People really get hung up on words!

This is a recent issue at the workplace.  Someone entered a “Ugly Sweater” contest last year and was voted the winner.  It may have been good, but she filed a formal complaint of inappropriate workplace behavior, and now they are only allowed to refer to the sweaters as “Holiday” sweaters.  This is really stupid to me.  She entered a wet T-shirt contest, and the child complained that water was spilled on her.  Some people really need to get a life and a brain.

Life has been a battle for the past few months.  I am inching to the 300-pound range.  I need to control this, but stress is at an all-time high, and happiness is at an all-time low.  I am having such issues with people and carrying those issues on my shoulders.  In addition, when you think you did an excellent job at something and everyone around you picks at the last morsel of self-pride, you have left.  It makes it so hard, and life is not fun right now!

I have a loved one who is experiencing issues.  Another human adult is just RUDE and MEAN without any known justification.  How can one human purposely try to hurt another?  There are some things we will never know!

I also see the unnecessary killing of people recently.  Terrorist attacks on innocent people and so on.  I often wonder if many of these acts just cause people to stop caring,   Like the police killing that young man in Chicago.    From what the press feeds me, it was unjustified.   I dwell on the fact that if the person just repeats others and the police, it would never have excavated.    o knows?  All I know is that it seems the whole world is impacted negatively by social media and the press, which only tell the portions of the story that incite anger or, even more, manipulate the information to get ratings or more anger.  Where does this all stop?

In a post earlier this year, I reported that I have more acquaintances who committed suicide in one year than I knew my entire life.  Why?  I  do not know, and I am not sure anyone will ever understand?

One rainy afternoon yesterday, I wondered why I had fallen into this state.  I mean, I never was an unhappy person at this level before!  I was that repeatedly optimistic person that people wanted to shut up because I was unrealistically ambitious and always cheery.    e feeling, in particular, was bothering me.    e feeling of life has passed me by, and it scares the living shit out of me! 

When you’re unhappy, you tend to think a lot about life.    When your job sucks, you’re not engaged or happy.  You’re listless and googling shit, and in general, not enjoying what’s going on.

When you love your work, a class you’re in, or a hobby after work, you’re fully present because you’re having a great time.  You’re present but not thinking.  When you aren’t thinking, you’re generally happy.   You’re not looking for an out.    The time that is passing is “worthwhile.”

So what can one do?  The first thing is to slow down, avoid social media, and absorb the real world.  I  will try this and hope it starts a solid path to a happier 2016.

Carry on, my friends, carry on...

It is that time again...

If you read this blog, you may have come across my typical late November post about what I want for Christmas. I list several things, and typically, each year, I would get one or two. Then, one week before Christmas, I would edit the post and remove the items. Some think that is mean, others never knew it was there, while some think I should just tell them what I want. But why is Christmas so focused on GIFTS?

It is easier to imagine celebrating Christmas in the modern world if you think about giving gifts. But, have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do we give gifts at Christmas?” In some ways, the tradition of giving gifts at Christmas is a very ancient tradition. In other ways, giving gifts at Christmas is a relatively new development.

In the Christian religion, the practice of giving gifts at Christmas is traced back to the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh that were given to the Christ child. The three Magi were kings from the East, wise men who traveled a great distance following a star to find the Christ child and bring him gifts. The visit of the Magi to the Christ child was originally celebrated on the Feast of Epiphany on January 6th. 

Over time, the tradition of giving gifts became more associated with Christmas than with Epiphany. In the Church calendar, the period from Christmas to Epiphany—from December 25th through January 6th—is recognized as the “twelve days of Christmas” from the old Christmas carol.

Indeed, the ancient Church did not “celebrate” Christmas as much as it “observed” Christmas as a holy day. It wasn’t until the modern era that gift-giving to loved ones at Christmas became increasingly popular as the Middle Ages ended and the modern era began. Various countries and people began to make gift-giving a regular part of the holy day (later combined to create a “holiday”) over a period of time. By the time the Americas were settled, giving gifts at Christmas was practiced by many of the settlers. The early Dutch settlers to America introduced St. Nicholas, or Santa Claus, to the new world. In contrast, the early French and English colonists were more likely to give gifts at New Year’s or Epiphany.

Ultimately, a common Christmas culture developed in which gifts were given on Christmas. In the nineteenth century, the idea of gift-giving took on a new dimension, as the works of O. Henry, Charles Dickens, and Thomas Nast helped shape our concepts of Santa Claus and other aspects of the holiday.

Today, we all give gifts at Christmas for our own reasons. For some, it is a way to celebrate the Christian holy day. For others, it is a special time to let family and friends know you care by giving gifts. At times, giving gifts at Christmas becomes almost mechanical and a chore; when this happens, it is worth stepping aside for a few moments to consider why you give gifts at Christmas.

I started seeing the real meaning of Christmas lately in the actions of my girlfriend’s daughter. I watch her work hard to make a few gifts that have true meaning. I hope those who receive those gifts understand how special they are as they are from the heart. Not just putting down each and wrapping them. I am not sure she will ever know how my heart expanded seeing her create the gift, not just purchase and wrap the gift. If I am present on the day these are opened by the receiver, it will be hard to hold back a tear of happiness and joy as I believe she has captured the true meaning of Christmas!

So I ask, what good is it to tell someone what you want for Christmas? Where does that leave you? Christmas is not about gifts but sharing human love and friendship. When the gift is truest from the heart, as described in the paragraph above, we see the true meaning of Christmas (in my opinion). 

Each year, I am more troubled about this tradition. Last year, I added nothing to the “list” as I wanted Christmas to be the emotional time with humans, not gifts. This year, I already purchased three things I wanted (the price was to marry to pass up). This year, I will add a few things one could buy to this list, although I would prefer some of the human activities I mention first:

• In February, I had a friend who was a victim of an abusive relationship call me scared. When she called me, and I picked her up with blood on her face, I took her to the battered women’s shelter. I did not know what else to do? I saw her a few weeks ago, and she is still emotionally down but doing so much better. If you want to purchase a gift for me, donate to http://www.bwlap.org/donations. 

• People should smile as they help an elderly neighbor shovel the driveway.

• I would like a Banjo Brothers Large Frame Pack

• There is a new photo-editing device that seems really cool. I am a little hesitant because it is high-priced, but it looks cool.

• A bike taillight that can be mounted on the frame rather than the seat post, like the Cyrgolite Hotrod 50 USB at Amazon or REI or the NiteRider Sentinel 40 Rear Bike Light, would be cool.

• Now, this is a bizarre item. Well, not really for some, but I find listing this item odd because of the author. Some background may help. You see, one thing that helps one get through a divorce is seeing that the departed one is truly happy and better off than with you. That also stings a little, but understanding reality is not my weakness. My ex-wife seems much happier, and I am so glad about that. She married a very talented nature photographer. He wrote a book that is a GREAT READ. It seems better than Tony Northrop and Scott Kelby’s books. The book can be found here!

• I need a better bike mirror. This one works nicely. I had this one, but my son needed one, so I gave it to him. Which is best?
• And last? Nice bike socks like these...  I would need XL as they run small, and I am size 11.5.

Finally, I hope someone so dear to my heart gets their wish. Relationship problems have been a real downer and hard to handle. It is always hard when a long-term relationship ends and one person coldly turns away like you never existed. I want nothing more for that individual to find peace and understanding when there is no answer to be found.

Basically, from the start of this post to my last thing on the list, you know I would be happiest and have the greatest gift if you were kind to everyone you meet and yourself.

Carry on, my friends, carry on...

Loved one in pain and charades...

It is Halloween!  A Saturday this year, and it appears everyone is celebrating. 

Yesterday, I was asked if I had big plans or planned to get away for a little trip.  As it turns out, I had been planning on leaving next weekend.  After a brief minute of chatting, the man wished me a nice trip.  “But then again,” he said, “Why wouldn’t you?  Your life is golden!”

I’ll admit the act I put on was nice to be seen as living a golden life, but the words knocked the wind out of me.  He wasn’t being rude, sarcastic or insulting.  I believe he was genuine.  And that’s the part that really took my breath away because here’s the truth.

This man had seen me several times over the past year for minutes at a time. Usually, I am all dressed up doing a full-time job. He usually enjoys the photography I have exhibited on the office wall. He has a high respect for my knowledge and confidence in my profession. Therefore, this is what he knew.

The truth is there is darkness I rarely show, nor do most see.  Especially now, when so many of our connections happen only five minutes at a time…fully filtered or perfectly hashtagged.  In our defense, though, it’s not entirely our fault.  That battle we’re fighting…those rough days were having…they don’t tend to translate very well when you have twenty people waiting to meet you on a busy day.

What would I have told this person so the golden image was not assumed?  I could have said, “Yes, I am flying to Colorado.  My son is going through a very tough time, and he is in the greatest of pain emotionally.  I could tell him of my heart condition, which was discovered last spring, and how I have so much trouble breathing most of the time.   A terrifying health scare.  I could remind him of the on-and-off suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.  So, going to Colorado to visit nature sounds good, but it seemed like an excellent place to run away from life.

No.  I will not tell him this.  Because shocking total strangers into oblivion is harsh and cruel.  Especially when he relies on my confidence and leadership skills.   

But I did spend today wondering about my sense of authenticity…my collective vulnerability…, and my polished identity. And it made me feel like a total fraud because I’m not any of those things that this man sees on the other side of the desk.

If I showed up one morning wearing my most ragged and scarred self…it would be a very different man staring back at me.  That will not happen as I spend an absurd amount of time worrying about what others think of me.  In addition, my biggest challenge in life is letting go of people.  Even if they hurt me.

I feel like I have failed as a son.  I try to avoid big groups so I won’t feel like the invisible one.  I’m insanely self-conscious of my smile.  I feel like I’m easy to walk away from in life…and it haunts me daily.

I almost always assume that I care more about everyone else than they do about me.  I always feel like a terrible father and hate emptying the dishwasher.

Every day, I’m afraid my girlfriend will wake up and finally realize how crazy she is dating.  I thank God for every day that she doesn’t!

I want to miswrite a book that it hurts.  But I’m afraid of people telling me my life was never worth telling.  I struggle, every single day, with feeling like I’m enough.  Funny enough.  Good enough.

And I cry.  A lot more recently as I see the pain my loved ones encounter.  Always in private causes the pain I see, and there is nothing I can do about it!

I doubt I would get a gold star for any of this.  Scars tell stories of survival as I stood up for the fight instead of running away.  And we’ve all got them…even the man on the other side of my desk.  He fights battles, defends his front line, and struggles in his own way.

And maybe it’s not about collecting gold stars for the perceived reality we give the world on Facebook…but about the purple hearts we get for living bravely among the real ones. Because life requires guts, bravery…and vulnerability.

So, I get up, go to work, manage the high-level stress in my life, wear my scars proudly…and carry on.  I wish I could get my son to understand that he is not in this battle alone.  However, I feel I have been struggling for over a decade and am tired.  I keep disappointing people and trying to be a better person by improving on the charade.  The image below says so much!

Carry on, my friends. Carry on!

Respect?

Every human is different.   We have different religions (or no religion), we are loyal (or not), we are caring (or brutally mean), etc.   We all have things that bug another human, like another person's foul body aroma.   Of course, we never notice our foul aroma, but we see others.

One of my pet peeves has always been time.  I am very concerned not to waste another's time.  I respect their time and anticipate the same respect in return.  I always show up for a Doctor's appointment 10 minutes early, and they usually make me wait until 10 minutes after my appointment.  I asked about this once, and they said the previous appointment was late.  So I had to stay because of the actions of the others, and they really see no issue with their behavior.

However, either you are like me or are always late and never seem to care about anyone else being inconvenienced by your tardiness.  Regular tardiness reduces the trust I have in that person.   How can I trust that they will not be late in dire need?   If they say, "I will be there at 10" and arrive at 10:40, to me, that carries on to other things in life.

For example, if they say, "I really care for you," does that mean I care, but if something else comes along, I will not care for you as much (be late)?   This is a significant blow to the trust one has in that relationship.  I try hard to accept the unique nature of the routinely tardy individuals, but I still feel betrayed and disrespected.  I am unsure how to overcome that feeling, but I will continue working on it.  Otherwise, I will carry so much anger internally, which will only cause more problems.

Some say chronically late people are not hopeless but hopeful. I see this, as well.  Those who do not respect the time of others are generally more optimistic, while people like me are less optimistic.

Carry on, my friends, carry on...

Turned 53...

It has been a challenging year without an urge to work out, including running or biking. I have been riding for about half of the past year and find riding a chore rather than an enjoyment. It is a task I complete, like getting to work or home. 

I turned 53 on Saturday, September 19.  I joked that I am self-diagnosed as dyslexic, and I am 35.  Strangely, I am in a time when living is not a struggle like in the earlier years.  I do not fear losing my job and being unable to care for the family.  I do not have the desire to improve either.  Some say this is a typical 50s male issue, while others say it is a problem that caused me to lose interest in what was once so enjoyable. 

Going into my weekend, things were looking good.  This past week, I thought I might start running again—just a little at a time with small goals—just to get out in the open and try to get this self-doubt out of my system. 

This birthday was shaping up to be good.  Many people at work wished me happy birthday on Friday.  The sincerity was refreshing.  My Saturday was good.  During the day, my son and I went to the bike shop, the German festival, and the Apple Store.  Later in the evening, my girlfriend made dinner and a great Carrot Cake, my favorite.

Then, I was up Sunday morning at 6:00 to prepare for a group bike ride.  It was a three-generation 32-mile bike ride.  I was balancing the ride with a variety of interests.  While it was a challenge, and I felt like I only made a few people mad, I could brush it off and try to enjoy my birthday weekend.  Then, as the day went on, I was trying to be nice about a situation, and suddenly, I was being chastised like a two-year-old.  It was a very unpleasant situation. 

The positive feeling I was having from my 53^rd birthday was just crushed.  I instantly had no urge to try running.  It just reduced me to the place I have been for months.  That place where I drudge along and take life as it comes.  I was just struggling with how mean-spirited words can impact my psychological being in such a way.  How could it rip the joy I was starting to feel out of my chest?  While I will not understand it, I do know it was wrong to let it bother me the way it did. 

Then, I recalled some lessons I learned in my collegiate years.  I need to be mentally strong and not sit around feeling sorry about my circumstances or how others have treated me.  Instead, I must take responsibility for my role and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.  I need to stop others from controlling me, like tonight.  Tonight, I let an inappropriate vengeance on my attempt to be kind give someone else power over me.

I also must quit complaining about things I can’t control, like lost luggage or traffic jams.  Instead, I have focused on what I can control in my life.  I need to understand that I do not always have to please everyone.  I need to say no or speak up when necessary, and if it upsets someone, fine!  I strive to be kind, but I can’t handle other people’s upset if my effort to make them happy is taken with anger.

Either way, I am tired of so many things.  I need to really evaluate my past and present and decide my future.  I hope that my next post has a positive outlook.  I write less as there has been less positive information to share.  Let’s pray for a change.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Budget Rent A Car - Use caution

Two weekends ago, I needed to rent a car.  I searched the web for the best price and found that if I pre-paid with Budget Rent-A-Car, I would have a rate about 5 percent below Enterprise, which I usually use.  While the pick-up and drop-off locations were more convenient, I went with Budget.

I arrived at Budget about 30 minutes before the rental schedule and said I could wait until the rental visit.  The worker stated there was no issue, and I left with the car 15 minutes earlier than scheduled.  Again, he offered, and I said I could wait until the planned rental time.

I returned the car 90 minutes early the following day and gave it little thought.  When I looked at my credit card, I had a 70 percent increase in total charges.  I questioned this, and they responded as follows (quoted):

After reviewing our records carefully, we have determined that this happened in your case.  

When your rental circumstances changed and you returned sooner than 24 hours, 

a different rate (that accurately met your new rental parameters) was applied to your contract.  

We are sorry for any miscommunication or inconvenience.

Really, I returned a car early, and there was a 70 percent increase in the rental fee!  That is an idiotic way to run a business.  What would the fee have been if I had returned four hours early?  So, if you ever use Budget Rent-A-Car, please be careful; they find sneaky ways to add fees for doing something like returning a car 90 minutes before it is due.  I would hate to see what happened if I was two minutes late.

Carry on, my friends, Carry on.

What's been happening?

I tried to take a much-needed vacation last week.  So far this year, I have lost 7 vacation days, as I am an idiot and not using them.  I was looking forward to a bit of time off.  Work has calmed a little.   We have filled the open positions, and they are very high-quality individuals.  The female we hired 6 months ago is one of the best I have worked with, and it is a pleasure to have such skilled workers.

The vacation started out well, but it just kept getting worse.  The worst part was early in the trip.  I was within seconds of seeing a bicyclist get killed by an alcohol-impacted driver.  It was in the mountains near Golden, Colorado.  I felt sick as they worked on the innocent bicyclist for at least 15 minutes, and it only looked worse.  Read about it here.  

The axle of the car I was driving fell off within 10 miles of careening down a mountain with significant drop-offs.  If the axle had not held as long as it did, I would undoubtedly be at the bottom of some ravine and, I am sure, dead.

Toward the end of the trip, I had an enriching experience.  My son decided to ride his bicycle up Mount Evens (just south of Idaho Springs, Colorado).  It was a 14-mile ride with just under a mile ascent, ending above 14,000 feet.  I'm still determining how he did it, but seeing him score the goal was nice!

On that part of the trip, I was able to take some snapshots of some critters as well!

For some reason, I am growing more distant from those I care about most and closer to those I do not care for.  It is such an odd experience.  It is easier to hide the intense pain I am experiencing from those I do not know well.

Another downer is I recently found out a perfect friend has stage 4 colon cancer.  He had stomach pains for a while and even had his appendix out recently.  Then, this was discovered.  He is working hard to get the house ready to sell and make sure his wife is going to be OK after he passes.  Just heartbreaking to see such great people stricken with this grief and a short time to live.

Things must improve soon.  On Monday afternoon, I am going in for balloon sinuplasty.  While this is not as extensive as a few years ago, I hope this will help clear some of the issues I have had for years.  I will not need general anesthesia and hope to work the next day! 

I am sick of facial pain, nasal stuffiness, loss of smell, cough/congestion, bad breath, fatigue, and headaches.  The headaches have been worse for the past few weeks!  I rarely had headaches before 2009, but they have been regular since 2009, almost debilitating recently.

So wish me well on Monday afternoon.  May I get home safe and not have too many post-surgical issues.

Carry on, my friends, carry on...

Increase from 9.8 to 12.6!

I once ran on average five days per week. Then I had knee surgery, and slowly, I stopped running. I did not start walking; I started biking. 

I have been attempting to bike to work more often than once a week this year.  I did make three days one week, and half the time, I made two days a few times.  Just under 1/3^rd of the weeks starting April, I did not ride at all.

I have complained about work not being more than a significant stressor and the long hours required to complete the tasks at hand.  As I stated before, we have 1/3^rd fewer staff than in 2006 and are by far busier.  Now, that technology could have reduced one position.  We have been trying to fill the positions, but they take forever.  We had a staff member quit over one year ago, and we are just starting the process to fill that position permanently.  The good is I see in November, my work life may be tolerable again!  I will take a vacation, but I need to figure out where.  I have lost over three weeks of vacation, as it was unused over the past few years.

Health-wise (THIS IS T.M.I., so feel free to skip two paragraphs), my hemoglobin was 9.8 grams per deciliter in June.  My most recent test was still low at 12.6, but it improved.  The improvement is the result of bismuth subsalicylate, metronidazole, and tetracycline.  I have nausea with occasional vomiting, headache, and dizziness.  What I hate more is the metallic taste in my mouth.

I am not seeing blood in the stool as often.  I generally have to balance the pain by taking Advil and caffeine to stay awake; both are not good for an ulcer.  I am tired of the fatigue (no pun intended), weakness, and shortness of breath!

I am really looking forward to a quick trip in a few weeks.  It is forcing me to leave the office, which I need. 

I picked up a new bicycle attachment and am anxious to try it.  One thing I miss about running is the music or audiobooks.  While biking, the wind noise is high, and you need to hear it from around you.  I purchased an Ivation1000mAh speaker system for my bicycle and cat ears for the wind.  Is the weather good tomorrow?  For the first time in a long time, I am excited about the low-cost purchase and hope they make a bike commute far more enjoyable.

If you are not aware, I have started an extensive Root Beer Review blog.  I have purchased over 50 brands, and little by little, I review them based on my preferred enjoyment.  After the first 10, it is incredible how different the same product is in this world.  Imagine if a tomato had over 30 different tastes but was labeled and looked the same?

On a final note, I recently saw the Fruitcake Lady on YouTube.  For those who know here, enjoy a memorable laugh.  For those who do not, enjoy it anyway. 

While I am at it, here is one of my favorite Tonight Show clips.  What is amazing is that new staff (young) ask me, “Who are they?” when they see Joe Friday (Jack Webb) and Johnny Carson.  The skit means so much more if you have watched Dragnet.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!