I particularly admit that I have learned so much more about respect as I age. It is like love or hate, hard to
understand, easy to recognize, and defined with great variety. When I was younger, what I thought was
respectful behavior really would not be considered respectful. I lost relationships and friends in some
cases and gained friends in others. A
respectful action was based on equivalency between two parties. I look back at the arrogance and half-respect
that may have contributed to my divorce.
As I age, one particular issue just “burns my britches,” and I consider it
disrespectful. Again, if both parties’
actions are equal, it is hard to say there is no mutual respect. However, the issue-level is intensified when
the other party gets angry with you for doing what they do to you. You want a clear example.
In 2007, I was attempting my first Superior Trail 100-mile race. The race started at 8:00 AM on a Friday. I did not have Cell service for most of the
run, so my crew had my phone. However, at
mile 77 (11:00 AM Saturday), I noted I had service when my crew gave me my phone, as there were several messages. Worried
there was something wrong, I listened to all nine messages from the same person, which are forever burned into my mind.
The first came in at 5:30 PM Friday and asked that I call back. About an hour later, they called and were
getting upset. This escalated to the 9th
message at 10:15 AM Saturday to yelling, calling me names for not responding,
saying I was useless, disrespectful, and more (including profanity). My emotions sank, and it was attributed to me quitting
the race (a decision I have regretted since), as this person was very close
to me. The harsh, demeaning words and
anger hurt.
They had no respect because I was trying to do something for me. At that time, I knew my desire to get out and
be free in nature was crushed as I wanted to be sure I was there for them in
the future. I calmly returned the call,
explained my situation, and apologized repeatedly. They were still upset, and that made me feel lower. I was really devastated mentally. I mentally noted that I should not try
such a thing again (be away from my phone for more than a few hours.)
Why do I bring this up? Since 2007, it has been shared for this dear friend to ignore communications frequently from several people as
if it is no big deal. I personally witnessed
this person see who was calling and forget it. I then talked to the individual who called, and they have yet to call back. It is a double standard at the highest, and I
tolerate it. Although I still have
memories of the demeaning voicemails I received in 2007 when I did not return their
call within a few hours.
My girlfriend can put her phone down for 4-6 hours and never look
at it. Many people who know her are sometimes frustrated with that action, but I find it very acceptable as she also
does not anticipate a quick response from me either. I got back hours later, and she was fine. Therefore, in that case, there is mutual respect. However, in the case where an individual
wants an immediate response, they get furious, yet they may take days to
respond to you; that is where there is a high level of disrespect. Therefore, as I stated, this is a rolling
scale, respect that is.
What are your thoughts? When is
it respectful to reply to a call? In my
case, in 2007, I was without service or off-grid, and that was
understandable. However, if I was not
off-grid and out of service, what is a respectful response time? I would think four hours would be respectful,
yet I am not sure if there is a standard.
