Christmas and fear

As John Lennon would sing:

So this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun

The near and the dear ones

The old and the young

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one

Without any fear

At the household where I partake in the Christmas spirit, it is all good, with most being happy and some having short-term content.  Yes, I said content, which, to me, is being in a state of peaceful happiness.  Although we all realize the overworked and dog-eat-dog rat race we all became part of will soon be back in our faces.

I have a habit (good or bad, depending on how you look at it) of using part of Christmas to look up old friends and find comfort in the fact that the world is OK.  We are all alive and well, which is most important.

This Christmas, I shed a tear.  I learned Garret Zwickey, a 28-year-old, died a few weeks ago.  No family should have to endure that pain, but I find more than one that does every year.  Each year for the past six years, I know of an individual under 30 whom the parents must say goodbye to soon.

As I get older, the words of John Lennon, without any fear, are harder to accept.  My fear increases yearly.  This opens the door to the great debate about fear.  To address this topic, we must enter the realm of planetary evolution on a much bigger scale.  We must view ourselves as powerful beings who wish to evolve to our highest potential rather than as weak people trying to cope with a less-than-optimal situation.

The first thing is fear is part of our biology.  The experience of fear arises from the infamous amygdala in the ancient, reptilian portion of our brains.  But I do not want to debate our biological structure.  I will leave that to the scientists and anthropologists of our time.  I wish, “Is fear essential?”

Fear is in our lives.  Whenever we attempt to stray outside our comfort zone or change our habits and beliefs, fear will hit us like a shockwave and warn us to stay put.  And like the well-trained dog, we soon learn to do so.  We become fearful of our creative ability to evolve and change, and we learn to deem such things dangerous.  Fear teaches us to be extremely wary of our better and higher selves.

How about all of the times you have passionately wanted to make something of your life and fulfill your life’s purpose?  Has fear supported you in doing that?  Has fear said, “Go for it!  You are a creative, empowered, intelligent being.  You can do it!” When was the last time you heard fear say that to you?  Of course, the answer is “Never.”

No, fear probably said something like this to you: “You can’t do that!  What will people think?  Besides, you’re too stupid.  Remember all the other times you failed?  You don’t want to expose what a loser you are, do you?” In other words, according to fear, the consequences will be dire indeed.  And just to make sure that the negative messages really sink in, all of this negative self-talk will be accompanied by miserable physical sensations of anxiety and worry, which are the closely-knit cousins of fear.

Fear is basically an inhibitor.  It is not a friend.  It inhibits you from highly negative experiences, whether they be physical, mental, or emotional.  Fear acts as the antidote to consciousness and evolution.  When was the last time you made a good decision from a fear-based place?  When was the last time you had clarity when acting from a basis of fear?  And at the most basic level, when was the last time you felt beautiful when experiencing fear?  Have you noticed that love is nowhere to be found when feeling fear?

So, let’s dispense with this idea that fear is a necessary friend.  Let’s call it what it is; an outdated, outmoded, primitive part of our biology and consciousness.  It causes us to war with each other like animals.  It causes us to lose control and behave irrationally.  It makes us stupid and ineffective.  Ultimately, it shuts down consciousness, love, and intelligence altogether.  Fear is completely incompatible with our higher selves.

Yet, I fear the loss of a loved one, additional tragic moments on the earth, and so many things.  I need to learn to deal with the fears, but how can I when I keep learning of dear friends saying goodbye too soon.  RIP, Garret and Cammi, Gary, Brent, and Shannon remain strong for each other and cherish the memories.  May I learn to release some fear, as it controls one’s life?

Carry on, my friends, carry on…

I do not make my bed...

I am at an all-time low. I sense my old pal Steve Quick feels the same! He suspended his blog.

I see problems all around me and the world. It appears nothing can be done about them. People are losing hope, yet hope seems destroyed everywhere I turn. Like recently, I knew of a woman who told a man, "I will not leave you," in a text and then days later said We were breaking up and never contacted me again. How can we trust a human being? Especially when you think you know them, you get slapped or run over by them in a truck.

Like my last post, we are not allowed to be ourselves. In a world where everyone is preaching, we should be ourselves; we can't. I have been reminded not to have an ugly sweater contest, which is inappropriate. I have been chastised when I say Merry Christmas as I am to say "Happy Holidays."

Loved ones ask your opinion and spend hours telling you how wrong you are! I get asked for advice, yet they have yet to follow it one bit, then ask the same question again. I give the same advice, and they do something different. I can respect them for not taking my advice, but why ask me again? Frustration at the highest.

Everywhere I turn, someone complains about how I live. I chew too loud (with my mouth closed), I am deaf or stupid, the comfortable clothes are hated, and people let me know that I drive too slow, I drive too fast, I go to bed too early, I do not pick up after myself good enough, I walk to slow, I am unhealthy, I need to get a life, I am blind, and etc...  I think I can't go through a day without getting a verbal slap in the face.

Recently, I heard the 2014 University of Texas commencement speech from alum William H. McRaven. McRaven, the commander of the U.S. Special Operations Command, organized the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.  

He provided 10 lessons to life; I will only add a few, as they were the most applicable as I envision a marine who has been emotionally brought down to the dirt. Here are some of the lessons:

Lesson – Make your bed

Every morning in basic SEAL training, my instructors, who were all Viet Nam veterans at the time, would show up in my barracks room, and the first thing they would inspect was my bed. If you did it right, the corners would be square, the covers pulled tight, the pillow centered just under the headboard, and the extra blanket folded neatly at the foot of the rack—rack—that's Navy talk for bed.

It was a simple task—mundane at best—but we were required to make our beds to perfection every morning. It seemed a little ridiculous at the time, mainly because we were aspiring to be real warriors, stern battle-hardened SEALs—but the wisdom of this simple act has been proven to me many times over.

If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the day's first task. This will give you a small sense of pride and encourage you to do another task and another. By the end of the day, that one task will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.

You must do the little things right to do the big things right.

And, if you have a miserable day by chance, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed encourages you that tomorrow will be better.

If you want to change the world, start by making your bed.

  

Lesson – Have a BIG Heart

After a few weeks of difficult training, my SEAL class started with 150 men and was down to 35. There were now six boat crews of seven men each. I was in the boat with the tall guys, but our best boat crew was made up of the little guys—the munchkin crew, we called them—no one was over about 5-foot-five. The munchkin boat crew had one American Indian, one African American, one Polish American, one Greek American, one Italian American, and two tough kids from the Midwest. They out-paddled, out-ran, and out-swam all the other boat crews.

The big men in the other boat crews would always make good-natured fun of the tiny little flippers the munchkins put on their tiny little feet before every swim.

But somehow, these little guys, from every corner of the Nation and the world, always had the last laugh— swimming faster than everyone and reaching the shore long before the rest of us.

SEAL training was a great equalizer. Nothing mattered but your will to succeed—not your color, not your ethnic background, not your education, and not your social status.

If you want to change the world, measure a person by the size of their heart, not their flippers.

Lesson – Keep Moving Forward

Several times a week, the instructors would line up the class and do a uniform inspection. It was extensive. Your hat had to be perfectly starched, your uniform immaculately pressed, and your belt buckle shiny and void of smudges.

But it needed to improve no matter how much effort you put into starching your hat, pressing your uniform, or polishing your belt buckle. The instructors would find "something" wrong. To fail the uniform inspection, the student had to run, fully clothed, into the surf zone and then, wet from head to toe, roll around on the beach until every part of their body was covered with sand.

The effect was known as a "sugar cookie." You stayed in that uniform the rest of the day—cold, wet, and sandy.

Many students couldn't accept that all their efforts were in vain and that it was unappreciated no matter how hard they tried to get the uniform right. Those students didn't make it through training. Those students needed help understanding the purpose of the drill. You were going to fail. You were never going to have a perfect uniform.

Sometimes, you still end up as a sugar cookie, no matter how well you prepare or perform. It's just the way life is sometimes.

If you want to change the world, get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

  

Lesson  – Do not ring the bell

Finally, in SEAL training, a brass bell hangs in the center of the compound for all the students to see. All you have to do to quit is ring the bell. Ring the bell, and you no longer have to wake up at 5. Ring the bell, and you no longer have to do the freezing cold swims.

Ring the bell, and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT—and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

Just ring the bell.

If you want to change the world, never ring the bell.

Start each day with a task completed.

Find someone to help you through life.

Respect everyone.

Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often, but if you take some risks, step up when the times are toughest, face the bullies, lift up the downtrodden, and never give up. If you do these things, the next generation and the generations that follow will live in a world far better than the one we have today, and what started here will indeed have changed the world for the better.

It was a GREAT speech with many truths. I still choose not to ring the bell, but these past three months, I have taken every ounce of energy to ring it loud and clear.  

Oh, I made my bed yesterday. It may have made a difference, but I will try again.

Carry on, my friends, Carry on,  

Irave and Irant but not about irack

We have the Holidays with us once again.  What is it?  Christmas” is a compound word.  It is Christ’s Mass.  In addition to “Christmas,” the holiday has been known by various other names throughout its history.  I have heard it referred to as “midwinter.” We hear Nativity.  Yule tide, the Day of Birth, and so many others.  People really get hung up on words!

This is a recent issue at the workplace.  Someone entered a “Ugly Sweater” contest last year and was voted the winner.  It may have been good, but she filed a formal complaint of inappropriate workplace behavior, and now they are only allowed to refer to the sweaters as “Holiday” sweaters.  This is really stupid to me.  She entered a wet T-shirt contest, and the child complained that water was spilled on her.  Some people really need to get a life and a brain.

Life has been a battle for the past few months.  I am inching to the 300-pound range.  I need to control this, but stress is at an all-time high, and happiness is at an all-time low.  I am having such issues with people and carrying those issues on my shoulders.  In addition, when you think you did an excellent job at something and everyone around you picks at the last morsel of self-pride, you have left.  It makes it so hard, and life is not fun right now!

I have a loved one who is experiencing issues.  Another human adult is just RUDE and MEAN without any known justification.  How can one human purposely try to hurt another?  There are some things we will never know!

I also see the unnecessary killing of people recently.  Terrorist attacks on innocent people and so on.  I often wonder if many of these acts just cause people to stop caring,   Like the police killing that young man in Chicago.    From what the press feeds me, it was unjustified.   I dwell on the fact that if the person just repeats others and the police, it would never have excavated.    o knows?  All I know is that it seems the whole world is impacted negatively by social media and the press, which only tell the portions of the story that incite anger or, even more, manipulate the information to get ratings or more anger.  Where does this all stop?

In a post earlier this year, I reported that I have more acquaintances who committed suicide in one year than I knew my entire life.  Why?  I  do not know, and I am not sure anyone will ever understand?

One rainy afternoon yesterday, I wondered why I had fallen into this state.  I mean, I never was an unhappy person at this level before!  I was that repeatedly optimistic person that people wanted to shut up because I was unrealistically ambitious and always cheery.    e feeling, in particular, was bothering me.    e feeling of life has passed me by, and it scares the living shit out of me! 

When you’re unhappy, you tend to think a lot about life.    When your job sucks, you’re not engaged or happy.  You’re listless and googling shit, and in general, not enjoying what’s going on.

When you love your work, a class you’re in, or a hobby after work, you’re fully present because you’re having a great time.  You’re present but not thinking.  When you aren’t thinking, you’re generally happy.   You’re not looking for an out.    The time that is passing is “worthwhile.”

So what can one do?  The first thing is to slow down, avoid social media, and absorb the real world.  I  will try this and hope it starts a solid path to a happier 2016.

Carry on, my friends, carry on...