Happy New Year

That heavy wind and whooshing noise you here is fast paced life steaming towards the end of another year.  Some try to tell me it is 20 below zero wind called Minnesota weather.  But I know better.

My how it time has flown. I believe as I age, each year goes faster.  When I was young, a year seemed like forever and now, a year is almost like a week.

I’m not complaining, because life is what we make of it and 2013 was a very poor effort.  I’m not going to crow about stuff that happened or whine about how my health suffered and left me struggling many days. No, I am just going to say a loud ‘Thank You’ to all of you for being part of my life and for your friendship and support.

The highlight of my 2013 was that I was able to finish my 29^th consecutive Grandma’s Marathon.  I was a strange race with the fog so bad, I missed a majority of the mile markers.  But then, I found the race was easier not knowing where I was and just kept pushing onward.  Picture below shows the conditions.

My effort on the working out and miles on the bike was less than half the year before.  In 2012, I recorded over 250 hours working out or exercising and logged just under 3,000 miles on the bike.  That averaged over 40 minutes each day and I thought that was acceptable.  But 2013 was pathetic.  I had just over 110 hours (average 18 minutes a day) and logged and less than 1,500 miles on the bike.  I need to find time for me.

Not to make excuses, but 2013 had so many changes.  I was promoted in my job to a supervisory role in late 2012.  With this came performance reviews and discipline.  In 2013, it required letting a staff member go for various simple things that they would not resolve.  I also felt like I was not getting anywhere personally.  Self-pity could be a reason.

I upgraded my camera equipment and was pleased.  I purchased a Nikon D600 (Full Frame) camera, a Nikon 70-200 2.8 lens, a Tamron 10-24 3.5 and a Nikon 50 1.4.  I also picked up an Epson R3000 and printed many pictures at home.  Some of my favorite pictures are shown below.

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Maybe passing 50 caused a moment of reflection.  As I look back, I made many mistakes and know it is impossible to go back and change.  I know my son is doing well and seems happy.  My ex-wife appears very happy and that is wonderful.  She still is one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for and I often miss that.  Funny how when you marry a friend, things change.  She deserves to be happy as she nears the mid 40’s in age.  Things happen for a reason but as I have written in the past, I am still search for some things that should have a reason but I just do not understand.

I also spent a great deal of 2013 thinking about dear friends who passed way to soon.  Hard to believe my nephew who died at three years old was almost 25 years ago.  I still morn over the loss of Dana, my running partner and great friends in 2005 -2006 before she was killed in a bicycle accident.  For some reason I still recall vividly the image of David Prudlick (high school friend who was killed my senior year).  I also think often of Cutis Arthur Almond, the professor who believed in me and gave me the confidence to pursue my graduate work.  May they, and many others, rest in piece. 

I sincerely hope 2014 brings you all good health and much, much happiness.  I know I will have to fight the fluid in the brain issue and the recurring infection, which has really sidelined me recently.  The Prednisone, Levaquin and other steroids really play hell with me.  At times, I just want to give up.  Then I remember, that is not an admirable option.

After all, we’re here for a limited amount of time that is not always a long time!  Cherish your ability to go for a run and enjoy the outdoors.  As we age, those wonderful experiences of not come easy.  But then if everything were easy, what would have to keep up going.  It is the challenge and the success, which makes it all rewarding.

I do not have goals for 2014.  I know one thought is to enjoy my son Graduating with his Masters Degree and then possibly riding bicycle from Denver home.  That is just less than 900 miles.  Would be a real difficult ride, but one that could be a lifetime of memories! 

Happy New Year and Carry on my friends.

But grandpa, he looks funny!

My grandfather has been the subject of many blog posts.  There is one story he told, which could not be true, although it really emphasizes the love and care for a parent to the child.   It is one I know changed my life… 

My own son has had difficult times and Lord knows if there was any way for my to do what this father did for his child, I would without hesitation.  I am not sure what the moral of the following story from my Grandfather truly was, but it made me think many times about the way I looked at, or treated people.  The story was something like:

There was a farmer who had one eye. His son avoided him and thought his appearance was an embarrassment. He was always helping the neighbors in any way he could to raise a few more dollars to help the son.  One day during elementary school he came to see his son, his son told his friend that the man wasn’t his father, but they knew.  He thought “How could she do this to me?”  The next day at school some of his classmates said, “EEEE, your dad only has one eye!” 

When the son came home, he told his father he wished he would just disappear. His son exclaimed, “If you’re only going to make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?” 

The father did not respond… The son didn’t even stop to think for a second about what he had said, because he was full of anger. The son was oblivious to his father’s feelings. 

The son wanted out of that house, and nothing to do with his father. So he studied real hard and earned chance to study abroad.  Then, he got married, bought a house, and had kids.  The son was so happy with his life without his father.   

Then one day, his father came to visit. He hadn’t seen him in years and he had not even meet his grandchildren.  His son always told his family his parents were dead.  The farmer was aware of the success and happiness of his son, but was concerned about the embarrassment he would have caused, so he stayed away. 

When the son stood by the door, his children laughed at his father.  The son yelled at him for coming over uninvited. He screamed, “How dare you come to my house and scare my children! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!”   

And to this, his father quietly answered, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address.” – and he disappeared out of sight.  He told the family it was an old co-worker.

One day, the son was informed of a school reunion.   After the reunion, he went to the old farm just out of curiosity.  The neighbors said that his father had died.  The son did not shed a single tear. The neighbors handed him a letter that his father had wanted him to have.

“My dearest son, 

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.  I came to see you as I had liver failure and needed a donor.  If you reading this letter, a donor was not found.  I think it is important you know, when you were very little there was an accident and you lost your eye.  As a father, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.  So I gave you mine. 

I am so proud of you!  You are seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. 

With all my love to you, 

Your father.”

I recall the first time grandpa told the grandkids this story.  We had just met a child of my grandfather’s neighbor.  I was six years old that summer (year left out intentionally).  The child had a severe case of Downs Syndrome and the five Grandchildren did not act nice.  I know I was uncomfortable.  I stared and reacted rude, as I did not know what to do?  My Grandfather took the kids in the living room, took out the bible (he always held the bible when he told a story) and told us the story.

I became pretty good friends with that Downs Syndrome boy (but can't recall his name!) and many handicapped, fat, unusual people, … over the years.   The less fortunate have so much to offer everyone, if we get past the differences from us…

Thanks Grandpa!

Carry on my friends! 

Home Free

I have never been much for A Cappella.  Might be I never understood it or experienced the art form.  For me music required a solid drumbeat and a great guitar lick or it was not music.  That changed on December 14, 2013 when I was given a gift of the Home Free concert at the Fitzgerald Theater in St, Paul, and MN. 

When I entered the theater, it was odd to see an empty stage.  Just five stools and a few lights.  How could they rock the hall?  How could we feel the music and the vibes that only a solid drummer and the guitar wizard can bring?  I was looking forward to a nap.

However, when the concert started, I experienced outstanding percussion and there was a great stand stand-up bass sound, but where were the instruments?  There are five guys were singing and then it hit me, only two guys were singing and the other three mouths were creating awesome instruments.  I was in awe at their talent! 

So I purchased all five CD’s and then picked up another by a member who did solo music before joining the group, Tim Foust.  I was in a hurry to get the songs on my I-Pod.  But to my surprise, the CD’s were from a time when Austin Brown and Tim Foust were not with the band.  Now the other three members are talented, but adding these two is a huge improvement.  While the CD’s were OK, just not like the new stuff, that I could listen to all day. 

Here are some great video's if you had not seen them:

• Home Free doing Avicii - Wake me up
• The first night on the Sing Off doing Cruise by Florida Georgia Line
• My Favorite - Ring of Fire

So if you hear about them coming to town, I suggest spending some time to experience the raw talent.  It will be a wonderful experience. 

Oh as a side note, on December 23, they won the A Cappella competition (Sing Off) and it was a very deserving win…  Hope you get the chance to enjoy the talent.  I know I did.

Carry on my friends.

Body pain and stupid actions

I often feel betrayed by my body. It seems to always be breaking down, leaving me frustrated and bitter.  No one else seemed to have as many problems.  I do not have what seems to bother some like Arthritis, an inflamed gall bladder riddled with stones that ends in surgery, chronic migraines, chronic hives, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  Whenever I get sick, it never seems to be something trivial.  A cold becomes bronchitis. Hay fever leads to a sinus infection.

The thing is, I’ve done a lot of healing. I’ve consulted with counselors, physics, osteos, hypnotherapists, and more. In a lot of ways, I’ve become more in tune and aware of my body.

So when I found myself trying to heal my chronic pain, I was disappointed to hear the old “poor me, why me?” tape start running again. As I lay down, feeling very sorry for myself, something occurred to me.  There is a lesson I need to learn.  That is what is my body trying to tell me?

I said, “Excuse me body, I feel really betrayed by you. You always seem to be sick, sad, or sore. What are you trying to tell me?”  Here was my body’s soft, small answer.

“I’m not trying to betray you. But I have needs too. I try to let you know but you’re too busy hanging out with your mind. When you two get together, you get lost and sometimes I have to scream at you for you to hear me.”  Was this correct?

I started to think of the nights when I ignored my body’s need for sleep and eating sugar until I had throbbing headaches. Becoming dehydrated from forgetting to drink water. Punishing workouts that I pushed through in agony in my endless quest for thinness.

All that time I spend over-thinking, over-planning, and overtraining, while my body endured it all. Trying and often failing to get my attention until it broke down.

Now I’m not suggesting that all sickness or pain is created by a lack of awareness or the ill treatment of our bodies. Sometimes illness befalls us for no good reason, and it’s no one’s fault.  So I keep doing what I can…

I am trying to focus.  Seriously, focusing on what I can do gives me more inner peace, keeps me grounded, and inspires me to take action.  Although, how to focus when the mind is spinning at warp speed?

So being a martyr and pushing myself to try to appear less weak to me or others is a known recipe for disaster I seem to forget. I need to understand if it hurts or it will hurt, I need to stop saying, “I should” or “Screw it, I’m doing it anyway”.  This is the inner self-taking irrational control.

Could be I need to stop trying to heal. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out. The idea of “healing” brings to my mind someone who is sick, broken, less than good enough. What if instead of trying to heal myself, I treat my body with absolute kindness? What would that look like?

Along with focus and the need to stop healing, I think of the power of meditation.  I don’t think there is a person alive who couldn’t benefit from strong mental skills that come from mediation.  This is doubly true for those of use experiencing chronic pain.  I and encouraged to find a style of meditation / relaxation that works.  But it seems out of reach!

But I am thinking it all comes down to the need to nourish myself.  When I feel like crap, it’s so easy to eat sugary foods to comfort myself. But it always backfires because I end up feeling empty and drained after the rushing sugar high. When I choose food that I know my body will love me for, it helps me by putting more energy into healing itself.

One thing I do rather poorly is to find pleasure in anything I do.  The simple pleasures are hindered by illness.  Pain and illness is a drag, no doubt about it. But humor and pleasure are incredibly healing. I need to surround myself with as much pleasure as I can.

I know all this, but I do not have a clue how to you transform my attitude during moments of pain or illness?  That is one thing I just can’t get right.  I will try, but the effort seems grim.  I just want to have a day without more than 50 percent of my body in pain.  Then being half way, I may be motivated? 

Carry on my friends…

Strange stories that make no sense, or do they?

My Grandfather was a wise man and the most respected man in my life.  He told many strange stories that never really had any real sense to them.   He always said “someday you will understand the meaning behind my words, and they may not mean the same to you as another.”  He made me think and I credit him for all of my success.  A proper father can make a difference. 

The story I recalled this past week was:

There was once this beautiful bluebird that had babies in the early part of winter.  The chicks were warm all bundled together up in the nest.  But there was one young chick that was restless and wanted to get out into the world early.  He flapped, shook and did everything he could but could not fly.  He was not developed enough.  One day, he moved just enough to fall out of the nest and dropped over 50 feet to the ground, which was cold from the snow.  He lay there freezing and did not know what to do so he just kept chirping as loud as he could.

Soon, up came the huge bull.  He looked at the bird and slowly positioned himself over the bird.  The bird thought he was going to be crushed.  Although, the bull did not step on him, he just pooped on him.  The huge warm pile of poop saved the bird from freezing.  The Bird was disgusted by the smell and being covered in poop and continued to make as much erratic noise as he could.  Then up comes a wolf.  The wolf digs the bird out of the poop and uses the snow to clean it up a little.  Then the wolf, without hesitation, took the bird in his mouth and swallowed him whole.

I thought this was a bad story when he first told me the story when I was about 9 years old and several times afterward.  I always thought the moral was to be prepared for life.  But this has been a very hard five weeks for me with excessive pain and the return of the infection, which really messes with my balance and the headaches are excruciating.  I have used all the mental power I have to create the highest pain threshold I can to get through the day.  At nigh, I have to wake to sit up every few hours (or sleep sitting up) or the pain is worse.  It appears the medicine has not helped. 

Anyway, this morning at about 3:00 AM I woke and my head was so bad.  For some reason I thought of the particular story from my grandfather stated above.  And I think I learned two new morals of the story other than do not leave the next early.  They are:

• The first thought was that in life those people that throw shit on you are not always trying to hurt you (Cow shit kept the bird warm).  In as much, those pull you out of jam are not always trying to help you (wolf cleaned the bird up for lunch). 

• A second moral could be when you up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut! 

So I am not going to complain about the health issue to loud.

And Grandpa, if you get to read blogs in heaven, you were gone before I really started to understand your stories, but I wouldn't be where I am today (the good parts) or who I am without you.  You were the greatest and are missed.  Especially those stories which made no sense as a child.

Carry on my friends, carry on…

Twas just weeks before Christmas

A few years ago, when I blogged with greater frequency and people actually read the information, I posted my ideal Christmas list.  Someone read it, as on Christmas morning I had an interesting gift I wanted, from Santa.  The biggest surprise was that Santa reads my blog and I must have been a little nice!  I never learned who it really was so I come to the conclusion Santa must be real?

So this year, I will once again see if anyone reads my information.  I know people read the information, so let me say that differently.  See if anyone who would traditionally give me a gift reads the blog.  Maybe Santa may read it once again and I am not sure I have been nice this year…

But before I get into the list, let me share my favorite Santa quotes.  Some you may have heard but they are ones that are always worth repeating.

• “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”  (George Carlin)
• “Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.”  (Victor Borge)
• “Santa was happily married, but hi wife wasn’t.”  (Victor Borge)
• “One of the problems we have in this country is that too many adults believe in Santa “Claus, and too many children don't.”  (Lee Lauer)
• 
”I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”  (Bernard Manning)
• “You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.” (Robert Paul)

Anyway, on to my list:

• Be pain free!  Most of this year I have had brutal headaches and they progressively get worse.
• Be infection free.  In October, I found I had the infection, which in 2010 resulted in major surgery.  I recently finished my routine of Levaquin, Pro-Air, Q-Var, Fluticasone and Prednisone.
• The ability to relax and wind down for a few days

How silly of me, Santa can’t bring health and well being!  So here are things I would use: (LIST UPDATED AFTER CHRISTMAS AS I TOLD MY FAMILY OF THE LIST AND BLOG...  Did not want to give them ideas for next year...)

• A NDSU sweatshirt....  SOME DID GET THIS FOR ME!!!!!!!
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST
• An extra battery for my Nikon D600.  Not the knock off, the real Nikon one.  PURCHASED FOR MYSELF..
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST
• REMOVED FROM LIST AS CHRISTMAS HAS PAST

Really, none of this matters much if we all are together, without argument, for at least one day.  That would be the best Christmas gift of all.  Peace and happiness wight he ones we love.

Carry on my friends, carry on.

Thanksgiving?

So it is Thanksgiving again.  A time when people say we give thanks.  Thanks in what manner I ask? 

While most Americans think of the Pilgrims as celebrating the first Thanksgiving in America, there are some claims that others in the New World should be recognized as first. For example, in Texas there is a marker that says, "Feast of the First Thanksgiving – 1541."  But who knows if the marker is correct and not placed only for marketing?

The date of what is typically recognized, as the first Thanksgiving is not precisely known either.  Most early documents state it occurred between September 21 and November 9, 1621. The Plymouth Pilgrims dined with the Wampanoag Indians for the first Thanksgiving in that period.  There are reports that the First Thanksgiving lasted for three days?

Edward Winslow, a supposed participant in the first Thanksgiving (1621), wrote the feast consisted of corn, barley, fowl including wild turkeys and waterfowl, and venison with 52 Pilgrims attending.  The first Thanksgiving supposedly included John Alden, William Bradford, Priscilla Mullins, and Miles Standish. 
 Some say approximately 50 Native Americans attended the first Thanksgiving including Massasoit and Squanto - the Pilgrim's translator. 


Some believe the first Thanksgiving was actually a secular event that was not repeated. A Calvinist Thanksgiving is actually documented in 1623 and did not involve sharing food with the Native Americans. 
  The first National Thanksgiving celebration was declared in 1775 by the Continental Congress. This was to celebrate the win at Saratoga during the American Revolution.  This was not an annual event. 


In 1863, two national days of Thanksgiving were declared: One celebrated the Union victory at the Battle of Gettysburg and the other began the Thanksgiving holiday we still celebrate today. 


After getting these fragmented facts off the interent, I still do not have the answer I am looking for in what is Thanksgiving?  It is more of a commercialized event?  Is it the day we all celebrate as we have the chance to buy what we do not need at a discount the day after?

I think the generally accepted Thanksgiving is seen as a time to get together with loved ones, eat a ridiculously large amount of food, watch some football, and of course give thanks for all the blessings in our lives. Many homes will be decorated with horns of plenty, dried corn, and other 'symbols' of Thanksgiving. Schoolchildren across America will 'reenact' Thanksgiving by dressing as either pilgrims or Wampanoag Indians and sharing a meal of some sort. All of this is wonderful for helping create a sense of family, national identity, and of course remembering to say thanks at least once a year. However, as with many other holidays and events in American History, many of these commonly believed traditions about the origins and celebration of this holiday are based more on myth than fact. Let's look at the truth behind our celebration of Thanksgiving.

And as an afterthought, maybe the Indian movement who think the North Dakota Sioux need to change their name will there soon be a protest of little 3^rd graders dressing like Indians for a reenactment?  So I am thankful for so much, but I am also distressed by more.

Happy Holidays and Carry on!

The demise of trail running?

Over the past few years, I noticed a downgrade in the trail races race environment.  I have not competed in a trail race (only volunteered) in over four years, so my observations and conclusions may not be valid.  I have noticed the trail races are increasing in participants to a point where you cannot “get to know” the runner.   They are becoming more of a business that succeeds on volunteers as opposed to a volunteer group who is not concerned about profit, but breaking even at best.  This drive for numbers changes all aspects of a race.

At the aid station, it becomes more of a directing the stampede of horses through the canyon as opposed to getting personal and helping the individual needs.  This comment comes from experience both as a participant and volunteer.   To me, this is a shame!

Another issue is many runners are less experienced and have higher expectations generally found on the road race.   I had a runner yell at the director, as he got lost.  So of the 250 runners, 10 got lost.  Most found it so easy as they knew what they were doing.   This runner did not want to accept any personal responsibility and blamed others for his mistake. 

When I ran, I studied the map, learned the area and used care when I knew a questionable turn was near.  The lost runner who gets angry has little understanding what it takes to mark a course and then there are people who do not want a race remove markers.  So if a runner is prepared, they can overcome issues. 

At Surf the Murph this past weekend, someone got lost and I said, “Are you looking down to see the markers” and they said, “No, I am enjoying the scenery”.  Even when they are directed to look for the markers…  They get mad, as someone else was the reason they got lost?  I guess we need to mark the flags in the ground, the trees and the sky, in case they look up?

I have had people ask me where the restroom was located was while I was at primitive station on the Superior Hiking Trail.  I had another who did not carry a water bottle and then used 6-8 cups at the station.  In the old days, trail runners were all environmentally friendly, now I find more runners who just drop the trash anywhere and are just plain rude.  This may be because the pay $100-$200 to run a race and that causes expectation.  I do not want to discount many who are very gracious, but I am finding more and more who are just self-centered runners.  I believe a majority is fun, caring and knowledgeable runner, but we all know the worse patient takes the most time and leaves the largest impression.

Then there's the other side that I noticed in a heated exchange from Facebook. There was a spring 2014 ultra-marathon schedule on the same day another longstanding ultra marathon on the same day.  Some questioned why not another weekend and why compete with the other race.  My response was “why not the same day, and maybe a third would be nice?”  

Why you may ask? Because if there were more competition and race options, maybe the price would go down, the number of runners at each would go down, and they would become friendly once again.  Also, I think different people cater to different types of runner.  While the trail races I have run in the past are great races, the organization and mentality of the group is not the same an I am. That does not mean they are not great people who run great races, I just prefer another option.  Like McDonalds, Subway, Wendy’s and Burger King.  All serve the same crap, but we have preferences which we then prefer one over the other.  Athletic events, to me, are the same.  Variety on the same weekend is GREAT.

What I find it ironic is the person who was most upset about this particular competition in race options ran a local race on the exact same day as another ultra in the State.  Although there were no comments or complaints about having two longer trail races on the same day in that situation.

I look at it as supply and demand. Right now, I do not run as many trail races, because I don't see the benefit of the high-priced and lack of options.  If there were seven races on the same day, it would be better competition in pricing, in services, and of course some would no longer be able to compete. But that’s the way it is. Just like when a coffee shop opens up across from the neighborhood coffee shop. In America they have that right, it’s called competition.

I recall when Stillwater, Minneapolis and Fargo all had Spring Marathons and everyone was fearful of the demise of Grandma’s Marathon.  Now I can say I think I can speak as an authority to say that Grandma’s could use a decrease in runners.  I have run and finished the race every year since 1985.  I have seen it grow and the enjoyment decrease substantially as it became a small race to another more than cattle hoarding.  I return only as there is a streak, but would much prefer a marathon where there were less than 500 runners, just like when the 100-mile have 20 runners.  It was small, we knew everyone and it was enjoyable running an aid station.  Now, aid stations are becoming less enjoyable and I am really rethinking my future involvement.  After all, a hobby should bring satisfaction, and my last two volunteer efforts have been more work and burden than satisfaction. 

Maybe I should start running again so I only get to hang with the people who are my pace and not experience all the “bad” elements I have come to hate about the trail races lately.

Carry on…

Somewhere between thin and obese, does it matter?

I was a fat kid -
well, at least for most of my childhood years. I learned to tolerate the burdens and stigmas society attaches to "fat" people for a brief, yet formative period in my life.  As happens to many children passing through puberty or other growth spurts, I found myself becoming one of the "fat kids" at about 5th grade and stayed in that group until about my sophomore year of high school.

During that period, I became acutely aware of what it meant to be singled out.  Often shunned, made the butt of jokes and pranks, and acquainted with the cruelty that my "normal" classmates could sometimes exercise, just to make sure that I knew my place in the pecking order of adolescent society.

I also learned the limitations of adult society as well. Grownups could be insensitive or just stupid about what they might say.  This included my parents. I learned adults did not always consider a fat child's needs to belong to his peer group at this age important at all as I ended up with "fat kid" clothes, which in the 1970s, were rather obviously different and styles compared to what our classmates might choose as the "in" thing to be accepted.

From many different quarters the inherent message was that "chubbys" or "Fattys" were marginal members of society, at best. As long as we knew our place as defined by the "majority", we could be tolerated, but not always welcomed into the mainstream. 



As anyone who has lived through early adolescence knows, difference from the norm can be a painful isolation, or at the very least, a source of real frustration. Many folks would not see you as worthy, capable, or a desired associate. If we were lucky, as I think I was, we learn to cherish the friends and relationships that are offered without the prejudice or reservation.  This is the way I have found true ultra-marathon runners.  Accepting and nurturing individuals, not matter what the recipient of their kindness has an impediment.

I was and remain lucky as I have a nurturing. A nurturing that sees past the limitations or difference imposed by life’s lotteries. I was lucky enough to have had some good friends and adults who accepted me for who I was when my family who did not do the same.

Some of that unconditional love helped me to realize that although society and my classmates might not have the capacity to include me, there were people who did and who worked at that goal. These were, and still are, the people I seek, and regardless of the situation I may find myself experiencing.

I eventually grew out of being a "fat kid". But as I changed, I realized that the same forces of ignorance, exclusion, and petty assumptions were alive and well, regardless of the targeted issue. The discriminations now arose from different issues than just body size or shape, but frankly the source was the same - a mindless conformity, a heartless insecurity. Had I not gone through my "fatty" period and when I did, I might not have coped as well, or had my values strengthened when more adult transgressions against decency, tolerance, humanity, intelligence, and yes, even Love were to rear their ugly heads.

It may seem odd to some, but I see a lot of positive things with wide ranging good for the soul that came to me from this experience. I think it made me stronger in ways my unchallenged peers may have never considered. It at least taught me something of human hurtfulness and of human acceptance and compassion; something about finding true value in others, and applying those lessons in shaping my own character and relations with others. It has been a road less traveled, but has made all the difference in my experience since.

Fireworks, 2nd try...

In 2012, I had my first effort at fireworks photography.  I was pleased but the photo's were average, not great. 

In 2013, I think I improved.  There is still improvement needed to do to get those perfect shots, but for 2013 I spent the week before thinking about where to shoot, and what background and foreground would be best.  I made a decision and waited for good weather.  I think it was a good location, although the lake was so filled with scum that the reflection was not as good as I desired. 

Below are some examples of my effort.

The entire spectrum of shots are on the flickr page.  I am really starting to enjoy the photo experience.  I am starting to look at things a little differently and seeing some things I did not see before as I look globally at things.  Not world like globally, but at the details in the subject, the foreground and background.   Visualize how the contrast, composition and relationship between the three make the ideal photo.  Lets hope I can improve for 2014.  That is always the best goal we can have in life.  Improve and be happy with progress.

So I am looking forward to spending a great deal of the Friday of the Superior Trail 100 mile using the new found visualization skill to see what improvements I can make in using the subject, foreground and background to tell the story in a snapshot in time.  I hope that I find success, but if not, the journey is wonderful!

Carry on my friends...

Exercise emotions...

Do you know that sting of guilt when you have scheduled a workout (riding bike to work) but then do not follow through because your mind said “YOU ARE TIRED”? A temporary feeling of guilt is a common sentiment that we all have when we plan to exercise but then lose our motivation or something gets in the way of our training schedule. However, for some people it is not as easy to move on from this guilty conscience or to altogether skip exercising for a day or two. You might have heard a friend referring to someone who is “addicted” to exercising or is completely “dependent” on working out for several hours every day. 

Parents, peers, the media and the scientific literature preach us relentlessly that exercising is good for us, both for our body and our mind. However, it is rarely mentioned that exercise behavior can be unhealthy when it becomes a compulsive habit.  I know people who would belief life is over if they did not start the day with a 10K or some other form of exercise, then walk another form at lunch followed by and evening effort.  I have been there and my mind tells me I am still there, but my body being close to 51 says something entirely different.

Things are not the same.  Like my right knee and the past pain.  I was sure after my 29^th consecutive grandma’s marathon, it would flair up and be very painful.  I was wrong.  In fact after a few days, the entire body felt great.  However, I continued to let the body heal.  Now after three weeks of rest, I go on three 50 mile bike rides in 8 days and throw in a few 36 mile rides in there and the right knee pain is at a high level.  Makes no sense to me.  Is it a delayed reaction from the marathon?  It is too much bike miles to soon.  Either way, it is frustrating while the mind says “you are doing great” the body says get some crutches and stay in bed.

Could be that I need the exercise to keep the body functioning?  Could be I am pushing to hard and then crash, a binge and purge exercise approach?  Could be this more than an off-beat exercise addition.  I am not sure but I have had to long without the positive energy from a regular workout, but the body is just being a pain, literally!  So could be I need to regroup and stop having that “I need to get that done or else” attitude.  That will be hard!

Don’t get me wrong, there surely is a “positive addiction” to exercising, meaning that the exercise routine can easily be included into the daily life and leaves space for commitments to family, friends, work and personal time. But one has to be aware that there is a fine line between a healthy commitment to exercising and a perceived obligation and compulsion to fulfill a certain training regimen.

So what I learn from this blog entry is a paradox: exercise, something that has the reputation of being exclusively beneficial for our mental and physical health can have the opposite effect if it is done in excess, and this holds true both for the recreational and the top athlete. To conclude, we should learn from Hippocrates who acknowledged “if we could give every individual the right amount of exercise, not too little and not too much; we would have found the safest way to health.”

Carry On…

G.M.O.

GMO…

Government Planning Office? No, it has something to do with government, but not that agency. General Molly, INC (Stock selling for about $1.70 a share)?  They are in the business of exploring, developing and mining molybdenum properties.

No, most foods we eat may contain ingredients derived from genetically modified organisms (GMOs).  So I ask, Genetically Modified (GM) foods - are they safe or harmful? While regulatory authorities have approved GM food that is on the market, some people are concerned that there is risk of harm. If you live in Europe, avoiding GM foods is easier since laws require labeling. In the US and Canada, however, food manufacturers are not required to label if their food is genetically modified or not.   Is it coincidence that outside US and Canada obesity is lees of an issue?

I am not one who has a scientific background.  Most of my knowledge is based on real life experience.  The more I think about GMO’s I think about my grandfather.  He was healthy and live to be just short of being a 100-year-old man.  He never ate much processed food.  Raised his food.  Had chicken, cows and pork he raised on grass, not chemicals.  He had a 1 acre garden and grandma canned extensively.  Very little GMO’s or processed foods for them. 

Then I think of my mom’s side of the family.  Generally ate out or ate processed food extensively.  Neither made it past 70 years old and had many health problems. 

I have spent a great deal of time since April 13, 2013, monitoring what food goes into my body.  Reading labels and actually taking time to Google some of the complex words on some labels.  Here are some examples and the information I found:

We have Coloring agents (blue 1, blue 2, yellow 5, and yellow 6).  In most 
cake, candy, macaroni and cheese, medicines, sport drinks, soda, pet food, and cheese.  
The US allows this as we eat with our eyes. Recent studies have shown that when food manufacturers left foods in their natural, often beige-like color instead of coloring them with these chemical agents, individuals thought they tasted bland and ate less, even when the recipe wasn't altered.

Health Hazards of coloring agents, which are made from coal tar, which is also used to seal-coat products to preserve and protect the shine of industrial floors and in head lice shampoos to kill off the small bugs.  Yes we eat it!

We also have Olestra (aka Olean).  Never knew this nut then realized it is most common 
Fat-free potato chips
.  The US allows this as Procter & Gamble Co. took a quarter century and spent a half a billion dollars to create “light” chips that are supposedly better for you.  Lobbyist work? They may need another half a billion bucks to figure out how to deal with the embarrassing bathroom side effects (including oily anal leakage) that comes with consuming these products.
  The known health hazard  is fat substitute appears to cause a dramatic depletion of fat-soluble vitamins and arytenoids, robbing us of the vital micro-nutrients.  " The U.K. and Canada, have banned it..

I was surprised to learn what Brominated vegetable oil (aka BVO) was and it is found 
in Sports drinks and citrus-flavored sodas.  The US allows this as it 
acts as an emulsifier, preventing the flavoring from separating and floating to the surface of beverages.  It is a health hazard as it competes with iodine for receptor sites in the body, elevated levels of the stuff may lead to thyroid issues, such as hypothyroidism, autoimmune disease, and cancer.  That's not all. BVO's main ingredient, bromine, is a poisonous chemical that is considered both corrosive and toxic. It's been linked to major organ system damage, birth defects, growth problems, schizophrenia, and hearing loss, which explains why it's been nixed in more than 100 countries.

Then I once thought potassium was always good on a label,  Then I read about Potassium bromated (aka brominated flour)
.  This is common in rolls, wraps, flatbread, bread crumbs, and bagel chips
.  The US allows this flour-bulking agent helps strengthen dough, reducing the amount of time needed for baking, which results in lower costs.  What health hazard does it have?   It is made with the same toxic chemical found in BVO (bromine), this additive has been associated with kidney and nervous system disorders as well as gastrointestinal discomfort.

I had to check Azodicarbonamide
 twice…  This is in breads, frozen dinners, boxed pasta mixes, and packaged baked goods.  While most countries wait a week for flour to naturally whiten, the American food processors prefer to use this chemical to bleach the flour ASAP.
  I read this item was so bad, it's not enough to just ban this product in Singapore. You can get up to 15 years in prison and be penalized nearly half a million dollars in fines for using this chemical that's been linked to asthma and is primarily used in foamed plastics, like yoga mats and sneaker soles.

There are so many more.  Makes me think twice, well five or more times about the food I purchase and stuff into this overweight and unhealthy person years of preservatives created.  Do you read the labels?

Carry on my friends.