Monday, August 25, 2008

Carry on? All you quiet dreamers carry on

Training is nearing an end. I had a hard weekend with moving the body continuously 38 out of the possible 48 hours starting Friday at 5 PM to Sunday at 5 PM. This was good as this is the second effort at keeping the mind focused as I continue to move in preparation for the 102 miles I want to run. This was after Thursday night doing 30 hill repeats at Hyland. Phil and Molly joined me. Phil completed 25 and Molly was going to go another 45 minutes after I left. She is a feather and just completed the hills like they were flat…

I was a little stiff and sore by Sunday, it was hard to move quickly, but I made me go as quickly as I could the whole day. Good training. In the words of Alan, “keep moving” is what I practiced!

I am a little concerned as my knee has a funny pain again. It has been here for over a week, not deep pain like before but just nagging. Not internally either, I think it is just tendons from working so hard the past weeks. I am going to have one more hill workout then taper.

Been checking the weather, it changes every day. One thing for sure is that it was 35 degrees up north yesterday… Additionally, I see there are 61 entrants in the Superior 100, which is at least 20 more than 2007… And I do not even notice some people who said they are running it on the list. So could we almost double last year? COOL!

I was reading Adam’s blog and he finished the blog entry by stating “Carry on” and noted that it was as "Londell would say". Made me think quite a few times people often write certain saying or beliefs that may have much greater meaning. Well I use the “Carry On” end for a few personal reasons I will share.

It is from a song that a local musician, Pamela McNeill, wrote which has a chorus which is as follows:

Carry on
All you quiet dreamers carry on
Misbehaving sinners have fun
Cause the burned out disbelievers
got it wrong
About the world beyond

I first heard of Pamela McNeill in 2006 when a friend, Dana, played me one of her CD's and said she had a song that should be dedicated to me. I had come to a point in my life where I had just healed from a “jones” fracture in my left foot, was facing the challenges of raising a teenage boy alone (his mom 1,000 miles away) and recently been told to no longer call a girl I had dated on and off for a few years. Dana (a good my friend) and I were training for the first 50 mile race. The song she had dedicated was called “you will love again”. She had explained it was not intended to be for the love for another person as I had just come from a relationship and needed time to heal, but a love of life. That love of running I once had and that zest for life I see others so enjoy.

This was a major turning point in my life as I really started to find things I enjoyed once again after being so out of tune with life. Running was a joy. Walking was a joy. Reading was a joy. Dana and I would run 3-4 times a week together and I had found one of the greatest friends one could imagine. We had a common goal, to finish the Superior 50 mile.

In that summer of 2006, Dana was killed in a tragic bike accident. She was wearing a helmet, which was not enough to stop the fatal outcome. I was devastated and hurt. I recalled vividly thinking god was cruel. I had started to lose faith. I went one evening to see Pamela McNeill at Bunkers she sang a song she wrote called “one good angel”. She cried in the into, I cried during the song... A part of the song:

Many years have gone by
Since you went away
But sometimes I still cry
like it was yesterday

But through this pain and the sorrow
I found beauty strength and true
And I know there will be one good angel coming through

One good angel coming through
One good angel to hold onto
And when I am out in the moonlight I reach up to you
And I know there will be one good angel coming through

Never have I known
A braver soul
How come it’s the good ones
That have to go

And when I am down in the sorrow
Felling all messed up in blue
I know there will be one good angel coming through

I felt it was quite ironic that within such a short period of Dana’s death, this song hit me hard. I thought of her often over the months and still do today. At the 50 mile in 2006, at the top of Britton Peak (42 miles), I stopped and cried. I was done. I could not go on... I missed Dana. A hiker stopped and asked if I was OK. I had pulled notes of inspiration from my pocket that had given them to me before the race and was reading them. Then the clouds went away and the sun hit me so hard. Harder and brighter than I have ever experienced. I felt a surge of energy… I felt like it was Dana kicking me in the bottom. One good angel…

A few months later, Pamela McNeill had a gathering for her new CD. She had a song called the world beyond. A portion of the lyrics are above. I carried so much hate for the fate of Dana. I carried so much anger. But those three songs were so impacting over time. They sum up life. We make life what we want it to be. We can choose to believe or not to believe in God or the world beyond.

As corny as it sounds, I feel like I was given messages from these songs. Messages with great meaning… I finish many posts with Carry on, because the end result is that is all we can do. If we decide to quit a 100 mile race at 77 miles, I need to carry on, if we lose a loved one, I need to carry on and if we find and then lose true love, I need to carry on. It is that ability to carry on no matter what God throws at us, which will make us a better person. We need to believe because in the words of Ms. McNeill, “Cause the burned out disbelievers got it wrong About the world beyond”

You can learn about Pamela McNeill at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=98210968 and also hear One Good Angel and the World Beyond…

That is the story... A little corny I know but my heart still has jitters when I hear these songs. May Dana rest in peace and be with me during the 100 mile race and I will do my best to remember, all I can do is carry on.

So carry on my friends, carry on...

3 comments:

keith said...

Woah. That was pretty deep for 7 am. I haven't started the day with a lump this big in my throat for a long time.

Nice post, Londell. Very well done.

Good luck at Superior...Hope to see you Carrying On!

Kathy Howe said...

Wow.

I have tears in my eyes. Beautifully written.

(Here via Keith)

Helen said...

Lovely post Londell. I am grateful to have found in running an ability to put life in perspective and to know that moving forward - or 'carrying on' - is sometimes all that we can and need to do.

Looking forward to meeting you next week!

Helen