Random thoughts...

I ran yesterday. And I ache today. I am like a rookie all over again!

I have read many blogs about 2008 and look forward to more in 2009. The recent message tends to be great or miserable about the year, but everyone has hopes for 2009, with very little in the middle. There is one thing that amazes me, that being that all of us who thought I year sucked (including me), we are actually better off than most of the world. We work out more, have food and housing, great friends, and a smile.

For some, no matter how much we dislike our runs, our Duff’s, our diets, or our relationships, there are some who have had the worst DNF experiences. The death of a friend or relative is the ultimate DNF. DNF of a life, DNF my time with them, DNF our desires… But I think back to some of the deaths I have endured.

I keep coming back to the death of my 3-year-old nephew, Aaron. I recall those words from that unknown pastor so often. He said Aaron did not DNF; he lived his life fully. His life of three years god gave him was full and complete. Those three years seem short because we have these expectations of life being 70 or 80 years.

It is hard, but if I remove the expectations I had about my time on earth, my race times, my race distances, and my weight goals, they are less impacting. At the same time, life is dull and empty without expectation. Where is that balance? I will never know, but I bet I will think about it…

I’ve never been an absent-minded person. Perhaps that’s the wrong way to describe myself. Not intense enough? The truth is I can’t ever stop thinking. When I’m bored, my mind drifts off, and I explore situation after situation and idea after idea. So, one day, as my mind drifted, I played the “what if” game. What if I were born a monkey? What if I could read minds? What if I did not break up with Shari Felted in High School? Then a more troubling thought entered my mind and I haven’t able to shake the question since.

What if there was an epidemic?

What if a new disease breaks loose and begins to ravish the population? And suppose there’s only a limited number of vaccines. What do we do? It was this train of thought that I am musing over still.

See, an epidemic is a natural occurrence in this world, just like tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes. However, in so many ways, an epidemic can be worse. While natural disasters only affect one small area, diseases aren’t limited by any geographical barrier. They can go anywhere and infect anyone. They don’t stop; they spread, leaving desolation in their wake.

So, if one of these were to break out here in modern-day America, my question is: There is only a limited number of vaccines and medical supplies, so who gets treated? How would we justify who gets saved and who isn’t worth saving?

It’s a hard choice when one is forced to play god. Who would be the ones to not be treated? The old, the sick, the mentally unstable? Or do the rich get treated and leave the poor to die? Who could be allowed to make this decision? It’s all so complicated. Morals and family ties make the choice almost impossible. How would you justify it? Kill the few to save the many? It is scary to think of what I would have to do in such a situation. What would you do? It may be a question that is moot… but if I am occupied thinking about something, it goes all over the map.

So, as I start 2009, I think about stupid things like the above when I have nothing else to think about. I think about things I can never answer, or at least I hope I never will… And I am thankful for what has been given to me, even though I find many faults or issues with much of it.

Carry on…