71.6?

I am a numbers guy. I make little notes throughout the year, and sometimes, I look at them and over-analyze the numbers I put on paper. I have little spreadsheets to monitor things—way too many spreadsheets. I have one for my car miles (in case I need to deduct travel expenses for tennis). I have a spreadsheet for meals I eat out in case I need a deduction for that activity.

I often need to fill in some fields. But the number of hours working is known. For my "real" job, I take 2080 hours minus vacation time, minus holidays, and add overtime/comp time to get a number. For my tennis, I report hours, so getting a total is easy. What needs to be added is the hours I work off the clock, which I do often.

Anyway, in 2008, I was troubled by many changes, which meant my performance in races was less, my physical fitness was less, and my body felt tired so often. So, I look at 2006, 2007, and 2008 to see why things are so different. Well, I found a significant difference... 71.6 hours each week. This is the average number of hours per week I officiated tennis or worked at my "real" job each week in 2008. This is 14.3 hours higher than 2006 and 10.6 hours more than 2007. I knew my stress levels were high and I was working more, but this was a surprise. I had over 14 more hours each week in 2006 to rest, train and repair. That makes a massive difference as I look at it today.

I look at the first three months of 2009. There is no reason to believe I will not be over 70 hours a week, at least through February. Then I plan on going to Germany to visit my son in March for a week, which will help the average go down, but when I return, I have two weeks that may be above 80 hours each week... Looking ahead, I have planned at least 70 hours a week on average, even with the week's vacation. So how can I train during that time? I do not know but 71.6 will assure i will be doing few races. So, my first goal is to look at April onward and only accept some tennis assignments offered... I may use some of the vacation time I have built up... One thing at a time.

As a follow-up from my blood test showing I had a primary Vitamin D deficiency, and I was put on doses of 50,000 IU, I have been sleeping better. I am so surprised that one of the issues with vitamin D deficiency was sleep... This has improved! I am also not as stiff as I was, with the bones hurting. I may be absorbing Calcium better... If this improves, and I cut my tennis hours to a reasonable number, there may be hope? 71.6 can not happen in 2009!

Carry on. . .

2 days, 10 hours...

So I have two days and ten hours until I decide to run or quit. I have known all along that I would have to continue some sort of training as I really wanted to run my 25th Grandma's. But I have been asking myself, Why? Why should I? Who cares? Does it really matter? And I think, is 24 enough? Who cares if I do not? Only me...

Well training right for the marathon gets you increased energy, improved health, a sense of accomplishment, increased discipline, quality time outdoors, a chance to show off to the opposite sex that I can do it, and of course, great-looking legs. But if I did this for 24 years in a row and training lost its charm over a decade ago.

So, in this time of self-exploration, why? As I was writing this, I had the TV on. It was strange that I watched "Click" with Adam Sandler... A movie about fast-forwarding through life. I watched this and thought about the 24 years in a row finishing Grandma's marathon. Those 24 years are like a blur... More than half my life is a blur. I recall the first year and a few other moments in between.  But just like the movie "Click," I just cruised through the years, and I cannot put many facts about those years into my mind, no matter how hard I think. Disturbing.

That made me think about this past year even harder. I have been so busy working, but I am thankful I have an excellent job in this economy. I have been so busy tennis officiating over 30 weekends of tennis events in 2008 and trying to keep everything in check I forgot to keep myself in check. I have been so busy chasing a dream that I forgot what the dream was? The year flew, and I am still determining where it went, what I did, etc.? I would like to tell you a lot about it. Not really. To me, that sounds scary. Makes me wonder if being homeless is easier and less taxing. Then I recall when I stepped outside this morning, and OH MY GOD, IT WAS COLD. So I am happy I have a warm place to sleep. Many do not... But have I had a balance? That is the question.

Then I thought what I have in life is really a precious gift. To refuse to live it to its utmost, to the extreme -in effect, to seize the dream- is a form of "sin." It is not the kind you go to hell for, but a more insidious kind that deprives you of what can and should be the most important thing in your life.

I can not remember last year but I recall my high school studies when I learned King Edward VII of England fell passionately in love with Wallis Simpson, the only way he could fulfill his dream and marry her, was to do the undoable: abdicate from the throne. Which he did in a heartbeat. In doing so, in breaking the rules others had set for him, he reversed the general and passive order: his dreams took flight, and life threw a kiss for his courage and passion.

I have walked, ran, talked to countless people, and heard of dreams. I speak to children and hear of dreams. I talk to co-workers and hear of dreams. I love dreamers because they have the electricity of life. But so often, it remains static electricity. You know, the kind that stings without warning? "My career would be what I really want it to be, but…", "My company would break new ground in our industry and achieve truly dramatic breakthroughs, however…"... For me, my running would be ... but...

I digress.

Then, other dreams are hard to know if they are real or not... These can be sad or happy. Dreams can be great if you can keep them from distorting reality... As they say, one of the keys to success in any significant task is to visualize the success... But I have seen people have such a robust visualization that they go the wrong way and cheat or make other indiscretions... (Tom Petters?) So, can dreams also have opposite impacts for some? You know, the ones that make you believe they are real, but they are not? The ones that scare you.

I had such a dream a few weeks ago. I had a dream that my friend's co-worker who was having a baby had a fatal end to the dream. The baby did not make it. I felt so much remorse. A week after the dream, my friend said her friend would have her baby on Monday. I looked at her confused and asked if she was sure as the baby had died. I realized then it was a dream and not reality. But when I got the news days later the baby did not make it, I really felt like a schmuck.

What does all this have to do with a decision on 2009 running? I am unsure, but running is like many things in my hectic and complex life! I have been swamped, and life seems to pass without much thought...

Watching the movie Click made me cry. As he was dying on the pavement, at the end of his life, I shut the TV off and shed tears. Yes, men can cry. I was not getting the enjoyment I thought I should from everything I did. I am fast-forwarding. Running was becoming a chore, dating was a chore, and smiling could be a chore.

I need to evaluate what makes me happy... I need to stop, look, and listen... I have noticed the beauty I have before me... That could mean many things, but just like deciding to try 100 miles, I need to conclude the best opportunities to make life all it can be without being a chore and proceeding that way. And just like a 100 mile, there will be obstacles and things that will cause me to change what I am doing, then I can decide the best way to accomplish whatever that is... and that could be just sitting down and looking at the stars... but I know one thing I do want to do right now, run...

Carry on...

May not be funny to you...

Some of you may have read about my love of a blog written by two 82-year-old ladies (http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/). Part of her recent post was funny, so I thought...

"I would have written sooner, but I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to type more than a sentence or two. Oh, my goodness, but did any of you see the incident with the Iraqi journalist, Muntathar al Zaidi, throwing his shoes at Georgie Boy? Millions of us have wanted to do that very same thing. It’s too bad Zaidi didn’t hit his intended target because he just might have knocked some sense into that thick Bush skull. Not to mention the lucrative Nike contract that surely would have followed."

She is a hoot! 82 and a mind whitty as can be... I needed a laugh!

Strings...

As people typically love the holidays this time of year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year), these are days that, over the years, have become difficult for me. In short, my son was 5 years old when, on Thanksgiving Day, a terrible accident resulted in the amputation of his right hand. I am nearing a decade since I was in court, and the judge made my divorce final, two days after Christmas Day, and years after the divorce; I had dated a wonderful person for a few years that abruptly informed me on New Year's Eve; goodbye. I would like to fall asleep on November 20 each year and wake up the following January 2!

As we all know, the mind is an interesting part of the human body. It remembers things we do not want to remember but forgets things we need to remember. I would love to have the joy and excitement others have for six weeks at the end of the year, but I just have issues with that.

I recall the past, much like every year at this time, and there is one thing in common with all those events. I felt trapped in this world where, no matter what I did, I had no control over the situation. I was helpless. Many feel this was for many other reasons. Some people have unbelievable responsibilities, and some people are free. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a never-ending swirl of work, eating, and sleeping to pay the bills and survive.

With the falling economy, the number of people in this state of mind is increasing. The elderly are on fixed incomes, and people losing jobs or taking large pay cuts barely made ends meet with what they had available to them before. Friends stricken with significant illness, accidents taking lives before we believe they should, relationships get strained, and questions about self-worth arise.

One of my friends describes being in prison. They are unable to go anywhere. Every minute, every hour, every day, he works because he has no choice. He drinks, eats, sleeps, and dresses because he has to or faces consequences.

He once said to me, “People say live for today. But the only thing that gets me through that prison is tomorrow.” He said there are times you cannot live for today but have that little string that tethers us to hope and love—something so far from reach today but still there tomorrow.

At times, I empathized with him. I have virtues and morals, which I have always held strong to, no matter what happens. Over the years, I have learned that these are my strings. These are what get me through these difficult times. They are not major things, but they are admirable. They are inside me, not external. They are what make life worth living.

I am happy I have those internal strings. Some people only have external strings without internal pride or confidence in who they are. That leads to a bad result more often than not. But that may also be my downfall. I am content with my weight and health, so I do not seek to improve. So that is why I have races and other things as my outside strings to bring balance to life, which, as we all know, is one of the most challenging, ever-changing parts of living. May you all have a happy holiday season and treasure those strings…

Carry on…

Yes, I can be stupid!

Over the past few weeks, some fellow bloggers have shared some funny moments in their running careers. I’ll start this off with my own attempt at a funny running story. Humor is relative, and this feels a bit risky, but here it goes…

The weather was hot and humid on the day of my first 10K a few years ago. I have been running for a few years and learned some lessons the hard way. But I had a blessed gift of forgetting the simple, essential things and the pleasure of learning them all over again. Making a wardrobe selection for my first race was one of those lessons. Lesson: Don’t wear cotton on races longer than 5K, especially when it will be hot or wet or both. With my lack of experience, my mind chose my favorite old cotton T-shirt that had so many training miles. 

The race was difficult due to the weather, and I sweated before we started! About a mile into the race, my light gray shirt was dark gray… About 2 miles into the race, nipple friction reared its ugly head. I could tell if I kept going, there would be a bloody price to pay. Now, what do I do? My race number was pinned to my shirt, soaking wet and clinging to me. I got this bright idea! Slip out of the armholes and wear it around my neck until I get close to the finish, and then put it back on before the finish. I was so smart! I was the king of the 10 K improve runner that day!

My brilliance was great, and my nipple was not bloody. I was so smart… Then the last mile came. Remember when I thought I had muscles everyone wanted to see. The shirts I wore were tight… Recall that this shirt, one size too small, was drenched in sweat. Imagine trying to get dressed and running a 6-minute mile when the clothes did not fit? Not only that, the shirt had four pins holding on the number! So I removed it and put one arm through the neck and the other through the hole. Running along, I could not see the simple error. I was fumbling around like a man trying to get out of a strait jacket!

Well, I had less than ½ miles to go, and this was a 10K for the North Dakota State University Homecoming. I came to a group of co-eds who saw me fumbling like an idiot when one yelled, “Yeah baby, take it off, take it all off!” This was followed by what I thought must have been my first and only Chippendales experience (the sounds, hoots, and hollers I was getting). 

So, being a shy farm boy, I had never had the experience of a woman screaming for me to take it all off…  And with my heart rate over 160, I think it went to 170 just with those perverted thoughts that went through my head. So, as I was coming down the last 300 yards, I was fumbling with the shirt, being screamed at by great-looking women that I did not see that little raised sewer cover. Just a little bit higher than the pavement. My shoe hit it perfectly. I flew through the air, my arms caught in my shirt, and no way to break the fall.

One of my friends said she saw me bounce and roll… I had scraped the side of my head and blood from my left arm and leg. I got up, embarrassed as I could be, and finished at 36:42. My first and best ever 10 K! I was so embarrassed, I ran right to the car and left… Thinking back, I got the PR, as I was not thinking about the race, the pace, or other mental mistakes I now make while running. I was so wrapped up (no pun intended) in that shirt I just ran. And made a complete ass of myself…

Carry on…

Glucose and my race?

I had some comments about the glucose level. That was an easy one to figure out. I have been working out less but still enjoying high carbo powder drinks... There should have been an issue, as I had carbs for most meals and beverages. Just a little stupid... My level was a fasting level of 106, whatever that means. He stated this could be related to the high stress I have had and the diet. So, I adjusted the diet and will be tested after the 12 weeks of Vitamin D therapy.

On the funnier side, with a name like Londell, people often think I am the son of Aunt Jamima. It is funny how when they see me the first time I hear, I thought you were black (sorry - African American)... Yesterday, I had someone tell me they thought I was just past 20 years old and black because they tried to get info on me on the Internet and found http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xtCQ1mWN9c

Then I was asked if I had any relation to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnnENy9ogWE

Blood work issue?

It's been a while. But without sounding pouty, life is not superb, and who wants to hear the battiness I have right now? I know I do not want to write it, and I am sure you do not want to read it.

Running has been non-existent, and I have no urge to run. I have been averaging over an hour per day biking and elipticizing. I add some weights in there for good measure.

Biggest Loser was on tonight... I am so mad that Vicky has a chance to go to the Final... If I was married to her, I am sure I would be in jail, and I am not violent at all. I would find a way to go to jail, as being with her would be worse...

My big issue is my overall health. I mentioned earlier that my blood test was not good and that I would write about it later. I waited to write to see how I felt after a few weeks of changes. The Physician said I have a significant Vitamin D deficiency. My Cholesterol and all other tests were great, but my glucose was high.

The Dr. has me on a once-a-week dose of 50,000 IUP Vitamin D. Yes, you read that right, 50,000… This was a prescription. Image the over-the-counter pills that would be taken? I still have a hard time saying 50,000…

Even after three weeks, I am much less fatigued and sleep better. At this rate, I may be ready to train after the first of the year? But train for what, I do not know. As I said at the start, I do not feel like running and have not run…

Carry on…