As people typically love the holidays this time of year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year), these are days that, over the years, have become difficult for me. In short, my son was 5 years old when, on Thanksgiving Day, a terrible accident resulted in the amputation of his right hand. I am nearing a decade since I was in court, and the judge made my divorce final, two days after Christmas Day, and years after the divorce; I had dated a wonderful person for a few years that abruptly informed me on New Year's Eve; goodbye. I would like to fall asleep on November 20 each year and wake up the following January 2!
As we all know, the mind is an interesting part of the human body. It remembers things we do not want to remember but forgets things we need to remember. I would love to have the joy and excitement others have for six weeks at the end of the year, but I just have issues with that.
I recall the past, much like every year at this time, and there is one thing in common with all those events. I felt trapped in this world where, no matter what I did, I had no control over the situation. I was helpless. Many feel this was for many other reasons. Some people have unbelievable responsibilities, and some people are free. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a never-ending swirl of work, eating, and sleeping to pay the bills and survive.
With the falling economy, the number of people in this state of mind is increasing. The elderly are on fixed incomes, and people losing jobs or taking large pay cuts barely made ends meet with what they had available to them before. Friends stricken with significant illness, accidents taking lives before we believe they should, relationships get strained, and questions about self-worth arise.
One of my friends describes being in prison. They are unable to go anywhere. Every minute, every hour, every day, he works because he has no choice. He drinks, eats, sleeps, and dresses because he has to or faces consequences.
He once said to me, “People say live for today. But the only thing that gets me through that prison is tomorrow.” He said there are times you cannot live for today but have that little string that tethers us to hope and love—something so far from reach today but still there tomorrow.
At times, I empathized with him. I have virtues and morals, which I have always held strong to, no matter what happens. Over the years, I have learned that these are my strings. These are what get me through these difficult times. They are not major things, but they are admirable. They are inside me, not external. They are what make life worth living.
I am happy I have those internal strings. Some people only have external strings without internal pride or confidence in who they are. That leads to a bad result more often than not. But that may also be my downfall. I am content with my weight and health, so I do not seek to improve. So that is why I have races and other things as my outside strings to bring balance to life, which, as we all know, is one of the most challenging, ever-changing parts of living. May you all have a happy holiday season and treasure those strings…
Carry on…
1 comment:
Okay, so maybe I don't want to spend the holidays with you - that's a lot of bad stuff on big days! Me, I've got one tough week; my girlfriend died on my birthday, my mother died on my birthday and it's the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima, so I get to see people dying of radiation burns on the news that day each year.
Running with you on the Superior Trail, I found we're both pretty tough customers - on the inside.
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