Yes, I can be stupid!

Over the past few weeks, some fellow bloggers have shared some funny moments in their running careers. I’ll start this off with my own attempt at a funny running story. Humor is relative, and this feels a bit risky, but here it goes…

The weather was hot and humid on the day of my first 10K a few years ago. I have been running for a few years and learned some lessons the hard way. But I had a blessed gift of forgetting the simple, essential things and the pleasure of learning them all over again. Making a wardrobe selection for my first race was one of those lessons. Lesson: Don’t wear cotton on races longer than 5K, especially when it will be hot or wet or both. With my lack of experience, my mind chose my favorite old cotton T-shirt that had so many training miles. 

The race was difficult due to the weather, and I sweated before we started! About a mile into the race, my light gray shirt was dark gray… About 2 miles into the race, nipple friction reared its ugly head. I could tell if I kept going, there would be a bloody price to pay. Now, what do I do? My race number was pinned to my shirt, soaking wet and clinging to me. I got this bright idea! Slip out of the armholes and wear it around my neck until I get close to the finish, and then put it back on before the finish. I was so smart! I was the king of the 10 K improve runner that day!

My brilliance was great, and my nipple was not bloody. I was so smart… Then the last mile came. Remember when I thought I had muscles everyone wanted to see. The shirts I wore were tight… Recall that this shirt, one size too small, was drenched in sweat. Imagine trying to get dressed and running a 6-minute mile when the clothes did not fit? Not only that, the shirt had four pins holding on the number! So I removed it and put one arm through the neck and the other through the hole. Running along, I could not see the simple error. I was fumbling around like a man trying to get out of a strait jacket!

Well, I had less than ½ miles to go, and this was a 10K for the North Dakota State University Homecoming. I came to a group of co-eds who saw me fumbling like an idiot when one yelled, “Yeah baby, take it off, take it all off!” This was followed by what I thought must have been my first and only Chippendales experience (the sounds, hoots, and hollers I was getting). 

So, being a shy farm boy, I had never had the experience of a woman screaming for me to take it all off…  And with my heart rate over 160, I think it went to 170 just with those perverted thoughts that went through my head. So, as I was coming down the last 300 yards, I was fumbling with the shirt, being screamed at by great-looking women that I did not see that little raised sewer cover. Just a little bit higher than the pavement. My shoe hit it perfectly. I flew through the air, my arms caught in my shirt, and no way to break the fall.

One of my friends said she saw me bounce and roll… I had scraped the side of my head and blood from my left arm and leg. I got up, embarrassed as I could be, and finished at 36:42. My first and best ever 10 K! I was so embarrassed, I ran right to the car and left… Thinking back, I got the PR, as I was not thinking about the race, the pace, or other mental mistakes I now make while running. I was so wrapped up (no pun intended) in that shirt I just ran. And made a complete ass of myself…

Carry on…