Weight or wait?

Weight has always been a struggle for me. Growing up, I was always the fat one. I was a young kid of 15. I was 5 feet 9 inches and weighed over 280 pounds. I can watch diligently what I eat, but I have a really hard time losing weight! I was just the fat one.

Then, when I was 16, my father grounded me for getting home 20 minutes late on a Saturday night. (9:20 PM) I had a rigorous father. He did not even hesitate to beat one of the kids or my mom whenever he was mad about something, and if we gave him a little reason, we were released through his fists or a belt. He has mellowed over the years, but we still do not talk. Hard to believe almost 20 years have passed, and we still do not talk much.

Anyway, he grounded me. Being the rebellious long-haired hippy (his name for me), I would start walking 6 miles to town each morning in the summer, hang with friends, and then walk back while my father and mother were at work. My friends offered me rides, but I never accepted, as I did not want the other farmers to see them and tell my dad. Grounding meant no friend over. I was alone. As violent as he was, I did not want to take that risk…

I started to lose weight quickly, and my walk turned into a jog. By the time my 6 weeks grounding was over, I had lost 25 pounds. I still recall the look on my dad's face when he gave me the keys to the car back, and I did not take the keys and took off running. Well, from that point on, I started running and biking all over. Good old single-speed Schwinn. I had no goals, I had no desires, I just used the feet and legs whenever I needed to go somewhere. There were limits; anything over 10 miles or I couldn’t shower and had to be clean, so I drove. But being a cook in a Country Kitchen restaurant, I ran to work. Just under 5 miles each way.

Within a year, I dropped from 280 pounds to 165 pounds. I decided to start running races. I never thought much of them. Never really trained. They were just something to do. Have some good times. Never won a race, took 3rd a few times. Then I tried a marathon. I did not finish. I started training. Reading books, planning things out. Really putting a whole crapload of effort into the task. I finished my first marathon. Then I read even more, planned more, trained harder, and ran over an hour faster in the same marathon two years later.

Then, running and biking became chores. Every time I went, it was not for any other purpose but to complete that specific training plan. I lost interest in using running or biking just for enjoyment. That was 1994. I had struggled and weighed 210 pounds, 5 foot 11 inches.

In 2005, I was really out of shape and weighed 296 pounds. My life changed, and I started walking and running to save money, sort things out, and clear my head. I never looked at it as anything but a mental health and money-saving mechanism. I lost weight. I dropped to 212 pounds and entered a few races. Over the years, I had only done Grandma’s each year with little training just to keep the streak alive.

Then, in 2006, I did the 50-milers and started “training” again. No longer were my runs just to get out and see nature, to commute to save money, or just because it was nice; my workout became rigid, planned training runs—you know, planned long runs, speed workouts, and such. I began to hurt more with more aches and pains. Getting a training run in was often challenging. I was gaining weight.

Now, here I am, I have gained 10 pounds since June 1. I have run little or worked out little since the knee surgery. The doctor visit informed me there was a little more of an issue than he thought and absolutely no impact on the knee for at least another 6 weeks. So, at least September 8 before I see him again. I am watching what I eat to try to hold off more weight gain. I am at 260 right now. I was 212 when I finished the 50 milers in 2006, 238 when I quit at mile 77 in the Superior 100 in 2007, and 245 when I quit the Superior 100 in 2008. Even though I was training harder mentally, it wore me down and stressed me out. I eat out of stress…

So what does this mean? I think I said this before, but I quit. I will not structure training anymore. If I feel like walking, swimming, or biking, I will. And if a race gets thrown in the middle so be it.

A big thing I did in those years was knowing my food addiction when stressed. Whenever I wanted Ice Cream or cookies, I would first go for a one-mile walk. Then, if I still wanted it, I did. But usually, the stress that was causing the food desire was eliminated by the one-mile walk. I would take my camera, stop and talk to friends, or call a long-lost friend and just talk while I walked. Again, the walk is used to take care of other things, not as a training run for a race.

I find I am just happier without the stress exercise should relieve. I find I lose weight just by using my legs to save money, reduce stress-related food cravings, or enjoy the scenery. It was out of another need other than my race times. What was needed to prepare for a race that got me in great shape and enjoying exercise, and was training and trying to be better at a race that failed me in the past, I think it is a no brainer I need to give up training and let the races, times and finishes fall where they may. In any case, I guess I will be a volunteer much more than a racer, at least for now. My racing plans will come as a day-to-day planning effort. I may enter many, but if I do not feel like a run that day, the entry fee would be a donation to the race. No plans, no schedule, no stress... As I look back, I think that will make me healthier, happier, and wiser...

Happy trails! Carry on…