Damb IT!

I know I should watch my language on the public forum, although I am frustrated, exasperated, enraged, maddened, aggravated, bothered, perturbed, discouraged, annoyed, irritated, agitated, etc.…  I am starting my third Prednisone and Leviquin regimen in 5 months. 

I hate these two drugs as they make my body feel like all my body fluids have been left at the last aid station.   Prednisone I nickname "pregnant zone" as I gain weight like I am pregnant, and not a thing I can do about it! I try hard to balance these issues, but getting out of bed hurts as that damb Leviquin makes me feel worse than when I ran 77 miles of the Superior Hiking Trail.  On a positive note, I do not have the blisters; it's just the body pain.

I have not even gone into the "Why me" phase of this now 5 years on again off again battle.  I often say, "Why not me?" as I have insurance, a good job, I am 51, and my child is nearly 100% independent.  I have the time and the energy (well, not really the energy anymore) to go through the fight.  I also have other dear friends far less fortunate than I am.  Just today, I read the CaringBridge post of a dear friend who does not even have the option I have, and she will not see her youngest graduate from high school.  So why me? I often look at myself and think, why them?

All in all, this will be my 11^th Prednisone round and 4^th Leviquin round since 2009, which is beyond the IV push when I had surgery.  If this does not work, it will be surgery again.  This time, it is exploratory as blood counts are OK; I just have the constant recurring infection, which will not allow me to sleep unless I sit up, messes with my vision, and gives me a headache with a much higher pain level than I have ever felt in my life.  My chest is so congested, and my wheezing is terrible. I'm not sure how people are putting up with me.  I try to be happy and pleasing, but I am really getting worn!

Been taking pictures a few weeks ago.  It was at the Ice Cave on the north-facing shore of Lake Superior. Pictures help bring the mind off other things.  Here are a few photos:

Music sure helps soothe the soul. My music taste is much more varied now. I have many new favorites, which I think most of you have never heard. My son exposed me to Amos Lee and Rodrigo y Gabriela. I listen to Bella Ruse, Robert Earl Keen, Danny Gatton, Ry Cooder, Steel Magnolia, Marcia Ball, Mallary Hope, and many others. I still love the local scene with Mick Sterling, Pamela McNeil, and the recent Home Free Boys. 

I appreciate how music is really an excellent medicine for the soul. It can make us laugh, cry, run faster, or smile… It is like what we eat: some make me feel better, others worse. Music is like food in many ways.

I know that I have traveled many roads. I often wonder, "If I had," would I have the issues I face today? The human body is a strange and hard-to-understand bunch of living organisms that promote and feed on each other. I will never understand. Will this next round of medicine fail? Should I give up and see what the body can do for me? I am tired…

I always loved a quote from Julius Caesar:

"If a man was to know the end of this day's business, there it comes. Will this day end, and the end be known?  If we meet again, we will smile; if not, this parting was well made." 

While I have long hoped to be back on the trails with many of you, my trail friends, I am still determining if I will get there again. I have no regrets; I am glad I was part of the journey. I hope to join you again, but as of now, I am losing hope. I am not a quitter, but this makes my patience run thin!

Carry on my friends…