Over the past few weeks I had the outstanding
opportunity to be with my son.
While I am very proud and only wish I could be half the man he turned
out to be, I can’t help but think if I did a good job? I often find he has some of my less
than desirable traits and that makes me think I have failed miserably as a
father. But he is a great person,
so did I fail? One thing I always
thought is I did my best. Was that
enough? Will I ever be satisfied
with me, even when I have so much satisfaction looking at him?
But as the well-known Winston Churchill quote
“It’s no enough to do out best; sometimes we have to do what is required.” I often wonder if I have done my best
but failed miserably doing what is required? But what is required?
Does anyone really know that answer?
In February, I watched the Super bowl. I could not help but think the Bronco’s
look like they were reluctant to be in the game and in my opinion, were not
giving it their best effort. The Broncos were required to be in New York, but I
do not believe they did their best.
But what does this mean? I
have faced many doubts over he past few years. I have spent more time dwelling on my failures, as opposed
to my successes.
But there are many times I think I have successes,
which are the result of another failure.
What do I mean? Well I
often recall the great runner Paula Radcliffe to describe what I mean.
In 2005, Radcliffe participated in The London
Marathon. She was determined to
become the world’s fastest woman in marathon history. Radcliffe
started off the race in great shape! Near the end of the race, Radcliffe started to feel…
pressure. Literally.
So, as she neared the end of that pivotal race–a
race that, if she won, would give her the title of the world’s fastest female
marathon runner–Paula Radcliffe realized, to her great dismay, that she
needed to go poop. Unfortunately,
if Paula were to visit a nearby bathroom, she wasn’t going to finish the race
at the record-breaking time she desired. However, she really needed
to poop.
So as she neared the end of her race, facing
the possibility of failure, Paula Radcliffe resigned herself. Instead of going to a nearby bathroom,
she paused briefly and released the pressure. Yes, she did this in front of hundreds of people while
cameras were recording her and lives broadcasting the race to spectators
worldwide.
After she was done, Paula stood back up again,
crossed the finished line, and achieved what she initially set out to do: she
became the word’s fastest female marathon runner.
And the rest is history.
I had not thought about “Paula’s Poop” that
often, but I was thinking about doing ones best. Is it enough? Like being a father… You never know if it is the right
choice. She will always be the
fastest at one point in history, but also be known for pooping all over
herself. Did she make the right
choice?
You see, when I write, I am often forced to
confront human limitations. These limitations may be physical, like Paula’s,
but they can also be emotional, spiritual, or even intellectual
limitations. When I hit a brick wall, I often try to figure out the
“reason” why something isn’t working the way I would like, or why I have been
presented with a challenge that is more than I can handle.
Maybe I figure the “reason” is I am not good
today is because I haven’t tried hard enough. Maybe it’s because I am being punished for something in my past. Maybe there is something intrinsically wrong
with me...
But if I stop looking for what I did right or wrong, and instead
saw the challenges raising up to meet me, maybe I can find some peace.
Instead I’d go in and work at my job some more, putting in more hours, working to motivate my people, try and do
everything my supervisors were telling me to do, and again, I find I do not
believe my best is good enough.
This is the only place I know my best is more than enough. I do not have that feeling anywhere
else in my life. I am stressing
out. I am frustrated. I am unhappy. Life is not always good.
I feel overwhelmed and trapped. I
have reached a crisis in my life.
Maybe the answer is to understand
there is no answer. Maybe doing my
best means doing nothing at all? I
do not know, and not sure I will ever know. But one thing for sure, I often think I should just go out for
a walk and poop my pants… It
worked for Radcliffe, but not sure it would do much for me, but get arrested…
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