Scale Sucks! Being FAT!!!

You may want to pass on reading this. I am whiny, grumpy, pissy, or whatever it is. There have been many new things going on in the past few weeks—one big disappointment after another!

I was looking forward to volunteering at Zumbro, but my job has me in New Orleans.  Bummer!

I'm not sure why I watch the Olympics. I have been getting into Curling, and then the United States blew it.

And then the scale! I did it! I stepped on the scale. I have not stepped on that scale for 5 weeks. I have been working out often and feeling better. Yesterday, I did 2 hours and 15 minutes of biking, and I was lightweight on top of biking. I am logging 120-150 minutes a day of aerobic exercise with a heart rate between 100-120. two days a week, I work out before work. Five days a week, I have been doing 45 minutes at lunch, and on average, 4 nights a week, I get an hour in. Been tracking my food intake on three programs, and they all show I should have a nice calorie deficit. I was thinking I was doing so well. I was looking forward to a good number. Well, I gained 5 pounds. YEP, 269 pounds! 57 pounds more than when I finished the Superior 50 mile and 39 pounds more than when I went 77 miles in the ST 100. F*#% is all I could say.

Crushing... I just can not help it, but once again, being fat is just hard to accept as I am working so hard!!! It brought back memories...

We all have stories of our lives that we hold deep inside, especially those of us who were fat children, then lost weight and became fat as adults, then lost weight and became fat again. But as a child, I clearly recall the shame that only fat children really know and understand. I have been there. In the 7th grade, I weighed 21 pounds less than I do now, weighing in at a good solid 248 pounds. I am three inches taller now...

Being fat was taught at an early age that often fat people were unacceptable by societal standards. It wasn't a hard lesson to learn. Fortunately, I do not get the same impression as an adult, but I still have those scars of when I was the 7th grader nicknamed "porky." There was no place to escape the ridicule and shame, except food... as family, school and doctors all provided pressure about the "problem". I have that same sensation now as an adult struggling with weight.

I use the term "Fat" now only used as a descriptor, but there were other names besides porky when i was a child that still stick... chunky monkey, husky, butter balls, etc. The bottom line is that some people are fat and struggle so much to overcome the phobia. I have come to learn there is nothing wrong with the term "fat" and use it in this post. But what does this have to do with this blog?

The goal of this blog has always been simple...to share and to learn. Everyone has had different life experiences, some great and some horrific. How life goes, how to train, eat, and overcome injury. I decided to change the blog to a daily weight, exercise, and calorie diary, but that is so boring. What will I do? Weigh myself daily? I need to re-evaluate my food intake. Do I do as people say you never should, going less than 1,200 calories? According to the programs, I have averaged about 1,900 calories a day over the past 5 weeks, with an average calories burned during exercise 1,100. Just makes no sense! No sense at all? The numbers say one thing, but does the body tell another?

On the health front, I have had breathing issues extending back to the 2008 Psycho-Wyco. I feel great when I work out, but shortly after and throughout the day, I can not breathe, and I cough and hack all day long unless I am working out. Earlier this week, I could not stop coughing for at least 10 minutes and struggled to breathe to the point of tears...

It has been more of a come-and-go issue for the past two years, but now it is difficult not to hack every 15 minutes all day. In two years, I have had 4 visits to the Doc about this, two chest x-rays, two rounds of antibiotics, two types of inhalers, and nebulizer, and yet it just hangs on! This past month, my coughing has been to the point that I feel my head bulge, and pain comes out of my eyes when I have a brutal coughing episode. So, with the weight gain, when I am monitoring my food intake so closely, I contacted my physician, and we discussed this long-term issue. As a result of our discussion, I will take a few days off from working out and head to the Doc for a series of tests on Friday.

At that time, I will decide where to go with the blog. I no longer have the goal to run again and race again. My first goal this year was to deal once again with this weight issue and then see where it takes me. My goal had been 230 pounds 65 days from now. To do that, I need to lose one pound every 1.66 days (3.87 pounds per week) to make that goal. I do not think that is possible or healthy, so I will have the blood drawn. I will seek a hormone test as well. No doubt there is something F%#$ed up... I am just out of questions and seeking answers. Do any of you have any ideas?

Carry on...

What's new?

I was thrilled to read about a few successes in the recent ultra races… Several people, I can only be amazed at their accomplishments. John Taylor 59 hours 11 minutes at Arrowhead 135 - he amazed me... I know what it is like to be at the back of the pack and find the courage to keep going... Inspiring! HOPE HE GIVES A REPORT? Karen is overly modest about her successes (27:45:02 in the Rocky Racoon 100, whereas Wayne Nelson did 12:16:58 in the 50 mile and then went back to support Karen). However, they are all part of hard work as it does not come easily.

I still need to step on the scale. I don't know when I will. I am more focused on the workouts and monitoring the diet. I am now up to 45-60 minutes on the bike at lunch, 60 minutes on the elliptical at least four days a week, and three days of a weight-lifting routine. I feel stronger, but the clothes fit much differently. I did get a hug and was told I was "less round." I am unsure if that was a compliment, but I took it that way. I will keep plugging along and think that I am more comfortable each week, extending my workouts by 5-10%, and I will let the rest fall wherever possible.

The thing most interested me was I got a phone call from an old friend whom I hadn't seen for a very long time. She left a voice message at my work as I changed my cell phone a few years back and she no longer had my new number, but knew where i worked. I called her back, and she spoke about her recently getting engaged (She was in a long-term relationship when we met in 2006, and I convinced her to consider other options as she was notably unhappy - she met her fiance in 2008 and said she is so happy), of her successful employment opportunities and of her continued desire to become a parent. As we spoke, I sensed sadness in all of this happiness.

She began to speak of how her father's health was hospitalized just after Christmas. He had been fighting lung cancer (Mesothelioma). He was a contractor and had demolished several asbestos-filled structures before a known danger existed. She was angry that her dad did not show a will to fight for life this time when he was in the hospital, and she got upset and said things she now regrets. She left the hospital room to cool off when her father turned and passed on… Telling me this, she was crying.

She expressed her sadness about two things: what she said and the fact that he was no longer willing to fight for his life. This caused me to be at a loss for words… Those who know me know I usually have an opinion or something to say about anything, but this made me think.

Being older than she and already having my child grow (soon to be 21), I tried to think about what if I was in his shoes… I proceeded to tell her that one of the most difficult times in the lives of many parents is seeing how great their children have grown into good adults and how we may not be able to continue in their lives. I explained that one of the most frustrating yet rewarding things I have ever done was parenting…

I continued to ask her if her father was a really wise man. She said he was the most intelligent and caring man she knew. I then asked her if he was running a 100-mile race. Would he know when it was over? And if he wanted to quit, may she say some things to fire him up and get him to finish? Some may not be the most flattering.

She said that he was well-tuned to his physical well-being and ability. Then I asked her why she questioned his decision not to fight cancer any longer, as he knew what she could not see or understand… I tell her I hear this often about people who are the greatest fighter of a disease, there comes a point when they just know, and come to peace with all they have done. And he knows that his decision would make many who loved him mad, so I would bet the words she left him with were not harmful but understood… As he was a wise man…

I asked her to look in the mirror and smile. Her father was watching, and she needed to be happy about her pending marriage and parenthood. It will be a wonderful ride, and she will have him and his memories as one of the best guides. She should not be sad but happy that she had a caring father who knew what was best as a parent and a human. I could sense her smile.

She asked about my life, and I told her I had to go, as there was not much to tell… She asked for my address and hoped we could get together soon… We hung up… I assume I will get a wedding invitation soon, but I'm not sure when we will talk again. I'm not sure what it is about not keeping in touch with friends in this highly electronic world, but just like her father, I guess we wish we did something when we can no longer do it.

Carry on…

Biggest Loser and more

Well, our hometown team returned to the Biggest Loser Ranch this week. O'Neal and Sunshine Hampton are on the Ranch... They lost 76 pounds in 4 weeks at home. That is 9.5 pounds per week on average. They beat Cherita and Victoria, who lost 63 or 7.9 pounds each, at home! O’NeO'Nealt just under 13 pounds a week...AT HOME. Holy shit, I would love to hear his story. Maybe after the show, he will share some of this with fellow Minnesotans… WOW! WOW! WOW!

What struck me more than that was the eloquence of Cherita in her words in defeat and the conciliatory words of O’Neal, who did not lose. She impressed me so much! What a great human being.

With some of the people on the show this year, I can not tolerate them, and I almost quit watching it, but tonight, those two adults impressed me with the words they stated in a fine manner. Impressing to me. So much CLASS! In at least the next two weeks, I will look forward to seeing and hearing from O'Neal and Sunshine, who already appear to be in shock at the ranch… But by the end of the show, they looked adjusted! It was so funny to see the fearful expression on Sunshine's face when they were going to run for 5 minutes and the look of confidence and happiness she showed when she did it. Baby steps and perseverance are what I see as the road to success.

I have been moving right along—not OO'Neal-like but steady enough to be happy. Although I have not stepped on the scale in three weeks, I have continued to work on the bike and elliptical daily. For the month of January, I have averaged 75 minutes a day. I am lifting three days a week as well. My Plantar Fascia pain is only occasional, and my knee feels great.

I wish there was more to say, although I have been busy with work and tennis in the past month. The re-certification classes were last weekend, and once again, I am proud that I aced all the tests.

So, as we start February, I wish you all well and hope we are preparing for spring? Hey, if you want something to do on Valentine'sValentine'sabooze has the annual Battle of the Jug Bands at 12:30 PM. 28th Annual Battle of the Jug Bands "The oldest"jug band gathering in the known universe" including"Como Avenue Jug Band, Malcolm Tent and Heptic Discharge, Mississippi Underertow, Sasquatch Wristwatch, New Improved Jook Savages, Bernie King and the Guilty Pleasures, Good Samaritans, Goat Hearts, Fisher Coulee Ramblers, The Hump Night Thumpers, Mad City Jug Band, Boo Bradley, Feral Dogs, Lee "Colorblind" Johnson, "ry This At Home Jug Band, Woodshop, MN 17, Strictly Jug Nuts, Mommy and the Bollocky Boys, West Bank Temperance League, and the Roe Family Singers.

Although, this year will be a bummer as Cam Waters died just before last Christmas. He was only on the Minnesota music scene briefly but was so gifted. I know this will be especially great this year as I am sure he will be looking down from Heaven, making this event the best it can be!

This event is really a hoot! Feel free to do a 20-mile run and then come to the Cabooze. All ages are welcome, and the kids may even find it fun. They even have a potluck! The first time I went was in 2006, after Dana and I did an 8-mile run; she forced me to go, and I had such a great time!!! I had never heard a live jug band before that (or at least that I recall).

I also found an old favorite food of my grandfather at that potluck, pickled pigs feet. Amazing how eating food can bring back so many memories. Writing this, I realize how much I miss my Grandpa Bill. He was a man loved by all, and a decade after he died, I still miss him. He was a great human who cared for everyone and could still fully care for himself. He died just days short of his 100th birthday and had a sharp and Witty mind up to the end!

Arrowhead 135 is underway, and I have friends on their way to Texas for Rocky. The season is getting started, and I am getting excited!!!

Carry on my friends, Carry on...