Just under 200 hours

Been a while again.  Seems to be a pattern, and I need to create more entries.  They say writing down thoughts is healthy.  Yet I am aging and tired.  Life gets more complex and more challenging.  It does not help that the toxic environment where I work has reached a level I could not even believe possible, and that does not make life easier!!!  I started counting to 1,000 calendar days and nearing 500 days before retiring.  I keep singing the famous Gloria Gaynor tune, I Will Survive.

I don't trust technology, yet I purchased a program called Weltory for my Apple Watch.  It provides feedback about four times each day.  Below is a typical reading.

This brings to light that I need to recall that tying my identity to work is dangerous. I must realize that my career doesn't make me who I am. Yet I have found that by connecting my identity to my job, the successes and failures I experience will directly affect my self-worth. I have become so embedded in my 28-year tenure that it defines and controls me. It's my fault. This was not an issue for 22 years, but when it became toxic, the health impacts increased exponentially.   

Toxicity is hugely detrimental to mental, physical, and emotional well-being.  It has resulted in increased stress, fear of depression, and, ultimately reached, burnout.  Although, being so close to retirement, I do not have the luxury of quitting—at least not immediately.  I am working to develop healthy coping strategies.  One is that for the first time since 2018, I have vacationed.  I am visiting my son in North Carolina.  I have been away for five work days so far and only logged in two days and worked 6-8 hours daily.  I have taken time away before logging in remotely nearly every day, including weekends.  This has been a refreshing break!

However, I also recall a great quote by Banana Yoshimoto - "As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again.  Again and again, I will suffer; again and again, I will get back on my feet.  I will not be defeated.  I won't let my spirit be destroyed."   

I also recall the wise and sad words of Robin Williams: "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone.  It's not!  The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel alone." My employment experience has made me feel so alone!

In other stress reduction efforts, with my 45-mile Thanksgiving day bike ride, I have passed the 3,000-mile mark, riding just under 200 hours in 2022.  It was 2019 when I did 3,542 miles in 233 hours; I was above 3,000.  So, a nice increase over 2020 and 2021, where I did not top 2,000 miles in either year., 2019. 3542.  213 hours.  I am still determining what my 2023 goals are, yet topping 4,000 miles would be nice.  Compared to my son, who will top 12,000 miles on the bike in 2022, 4,000 does not look impressive, but it would be an achievement for an old, tired, and worn-out man.

Here is to putting words into a form that can be recalled.  

Carry on, my friends, carry on!!!

If you need help understanding why I end my posts with carry-on, click the link and read the history.