I had my echocardiogram, I had my consultation, and I received the news that I am at a point in my life when stress is killing me, literally. This happened during what most would think is a very “successful” period in my life. I am financially secure and have the freedom to enjoy activities I could only dream about decades ago. However, the 70-hour work weeks and not having a single day off this year make that impossible.
However, it is a very stressful time at work, and how I handle that stress severely impacts my health. I am at the point where my vitals are near life-threatening levels.
So, I must start systematically reframing my work and stress or die. This does not mean quitting my job, but I must approach work differently. The one significant change is to find successful ways to remove stress. I have read that if I get stress and anxiety under control, I could be more effective at my job.
However, I have internal issues. I carry a deep sense of responsibility for my team, which is internalized and transforms into tremendous stress. I need to solve every problem and ramp up my focus and intensity. No problem was insurmountable if I could think harder and work harder. However, what I didn’t realize was that continuously ramping up my intensity was compounding severe adverse effects on my health. Again, it is near the point where medical professionals say it is killing me.
So there needs to be a change, and that process needs to get underway. I am so exhausted. I need to gain the necessary awareness, intelligence, problem-solving skills, and effectiveness to know where to start. One is the workload.
Beyond stressing about my general workload, if I dwell on the related risks and get wrapped up in thoughts of what could go wrong, I generate patterns of fear that start to seem reasonable. I have become accustomed to being afraid that I begin to accept it and lose the reality of the primary issue. I work harder.
I grew up with overly ambitious people who think of life as a series of high-stakes projects. I have become such a person, which is a dangerous thought process. I need to rewrite that entire dynamic. I need to look at all those situations that I have stressed about as opportunities to express love and creativity. That sounds touchy-feely, but it’s concrete and scientific. The creative mind is the opposite of the fearful mind in many ways. The innovative spirit is expansive and parallel; the fearful mind is reductive and linear. So, being mindful enough to shift some of the time I spend being anxious into a more extensive, relaxed, creative mode tends to produce better results.
Moreover, things will surely improve if I change my mind that way.
However, it is a very stressful time at work, and how I handle that stress severely impacts my health. I am at the point where my vitals are near life-threatening levels.
So, I must start systematically reframing my work and stress or die. This does not mean quitting my job, but I must approach work differently. The one significant change is to find successful ways to remove stress. I have read that if I get stress and anxiety under control, I could be more effective at my job.
However, I have internal issues. I carry a deep sense of responsibility for my team, which is internalized and transforms into tremendous stress. I need to solve every problem and ramp up my focus and intensity. No problem was insurmountable if I could think harder and work harder. However, what I didn’t realize was that continuously ramping up my intensity was compounding severe adverse effects on my health. Again, it is near the point where medical professionals say it is killing me.
So there needs to be a change, and that process needs to get underway. I am so exhausted. I need to gain the necessary awareness, intelligence, problem-solving skills, and effectiveness to know where to start. One is the workload.
Beyond stressing about my general workload, if I dwell on the related risks and get wrapped up in thoughts of what could go wrong, I generate patterns of fear that start to seem reasonable. I have become accustomed to being afraid that I begin to accept it and lose the reality of the primary issue. I work harder.
I grew up with overly ambitious people who think of life as a series of high-stakes projects. I have become such a person, which is a dangerous thought process. I need to rewrite that entire dynamic. I need to look at all those situations that I have stressed about as opportunities to express love and creativity. That sounds touchy-feely, but it’s concrete and scientific. The creative mind is the opposite of the fearful mind in many ways. The innovative spirit is expansive and parallel; the fearful mind is reductive and linear. So, being mindful enough to shift some of the time I spend being anxious into a more extensive, relaxed, creative mode tends to produce better results.
Moreover, things will surely improve if I change my mind that way.
3 comments:
Wow - that is some hard news to hear, but probably not too surprising in light of what you have posted in the past.
I think it is easy to say to someone "you need to reduce your stress" but were any concrete ideas given to aid you in reaching that goal? For example: work restrictions (limiting your work week to no more then 40 hours per doctors orders); referral to a therapist; medication/relaxation tips; etc?
Do you have the support of your workplace to work less, take care of yourself and build a healthy work-life balance?
Would you be willing (fiscally able) to leave that job in light of the knowledge of what it is doing to you?
Itr is a balance. I have matching pension that I need another 4.5 years to get, and that is huge. I also can get health coverage fully paid by me at the group rate if I wait. So I do not want to lose that as it will make the rest of my years so much easier...
Londell, I understand the need to keep working for insurance and benefits, especially when you are so close to achieving the max benefit.
Hopefully you can find a way to get to a more reasonable work/life balance as your health is very important!
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