So much for New Year’s resolutions! I only had one resolution that was important
to me and a few desirable resolutions. The most important resolution was getting a work/life balance. Yet, I have not taken a day off to start
2017. If it were not for my son’s accident,
I would have only had 5 days off since November 1, 2016 (that includes Holidays
and weekends). My shortest workday of
2017 was today at only 5 hours. But that
was because I could not function; I had a headache and needed to rest. I wanted to work out a little, but I was too
exhausted. My average work week for the
first 4 weeks of 2017 is just under 70 hours each week. I anticipate I will have to survive another 10
days, and things at work should stabilize. I feel like I am near burnout and in a total fog. I do not recall when I was this concerned
about my health and well-being!
The local press has been writing about how gloomy January
has been, yet not to me, as it is dark when I get to work and home. I would not notice if the sun was
hiding behind the clouds. I am really
losing the ability to recognize reality. Everything is a fog, and I must think hard about what day it is and
what to do next. I will go several days
and realize I have not showered. I have
to think hard about what I eat, and if I eat, yet I still have no weight loss, so I must be
eating. In addition, I forget to drink, and dehydration has many body issues.
I am aware burnout and stress outcomes can be heart issues,
anxiety, and depression. For the past
year, there have been times I thought I was having a heart attack. Tingle in the left arm, followed by slight
sweats and shortness of breath. It is at
times of stress. When I do a four-square
breathing method, the chest pain subsides. I also have a little issue when working out, so one side of me believes no
heart issues, and the other, well…
Last week, I had another echocardiogram. I get the results tomorrow. Last time, I had a small blockage, but that was not
a significant concern. Yet, I need more confidence about tomorrow. I will sleep a little
tonight! I also need blood
work as I assume my nutrition is all over the map?
It is also a time of unrest for America. I recall when President Obama was elected,
there was a great deal of violence. I
was disturbed about that. Now we have
President Trump and likewise protests. Peaceful and little violent demonstrations like the far right after the Obama
elections. I had fear both times. Not a fear of the President, but fear of the people
who are so far left or right taking action. I fear this more recently as the general divide has increased, and only some are left in the middle, trying to make sense of it all.
I was sent this via text today, and it made me think—how true! I am sure no one in America can say they do not have the same emotional rollercoaster on Facebook. The person who sent this would cease using Facebook, but I think a break may also be suitable. It seems nothing good comes out of it anymore, with more fake or twisted news or opinions I prefer to avoid as opposed to information I care about.
My son has recovered quite well from his ski accident. He returns to work tomorrow, which should help him eliminate the boredom he has been fighting. Ironically, he is heading to Peoria to work again. I
worked in Prior for several years and still don’t know how I feel about that
time. It is a unique place.
On a somber note, I again had another friend decide to commit
suicide. That made almost 20 acquaintances
end their lives in the past few years. This is not specific to any one gender or age group. The youngest female was 15 years old, and
the youngest male was 16 years old. The oldest
female was 61, and the oldest male was 64. I am bothered by these events greatly. One common issue I sense is that they all
lost or greatly feared losing something precious to them. The 15-year-old was being bullied, and the boy
who showed interest supposedly dumped her for not having sex. The boy had high expectations, and his
girlfriend of a year dumped him harshly and rudely. In the older adults, the female discovered her
husband was having several affairs and left. She was in financial despair. A
man I knew lost his wife, and his children wanted nothing to do with him. The basketball player I wrote about in the last post is another one where the answer may never be known. I do not do well with unknowns!
Based on past history, I empathize with those who left too soon. Likewise, it is more challenging when you get older, and you try harder to help people and be a good person but seem to fail more. I have had loved ones be increasingly critical over the past few years. Yet, I still do not
understand the final trigger for those who ended their lives. That
scares me!
I hoped for a good 2017, yet I still need to improve. In fact, almost everything is worse only
one month into this year! I am using so
much mental energy just to keep me going physically. I know I need to take action or crash. Yet that means not caring for those who
rely on me or doing my job. That is the
hardest thing to accept and could push me over the edge. Wish me luck tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment