Here we are in March 2015! Last year, with all the snow, it was challenging
to even consider riding a bicycle in March. This week, I
got on the bike for three of my five trips to the office.
Once again, it is 18 miles one way, and I quickly realized that I needed to be in shape
for these long rides. The rides were difficult, to say the least. However, it
did not help that the winds were over 10 to 15 mph each day.
The funny thing is that my mind wanders in that hour and 15 minutes or so that I
ride alone! I once had a friend who told me that
he would always revert to powerful childhood
memories during long runs. For some reason, this week, I went through many past relationship
horrors. Well, maybe they're not horrors, but times that shocked me.
There was a time when I was about 22 years old and had
dated the same girl for approximately 2 years. I had always thought that we
were perfect for each other. Then again, did I really understand what is really
ideal? Then, one day, out of the blue, she told me she did not want to see me
any longer. I was devastated. We had had serious
discussions about spending our life together just weeks before. The word marriage never came up,
but there were these insinuations that we discussed something long-term.
Then, just like that, it was over.
I went on with my life at approximately 6 weeks past and pretended she meant nothing to me. Then, one day, out of the blue, I got a message on the
code-a-phone (if you remember that thing.) She left a message and said she missed me, was so
wrong to tell me to leave, and asked if I could give her a ring. Excited,
I ran to the local jewelry store and bought a ring. I went to her work at
that time, which was at Ember's restaurant. I offered her the ring.
She looked at me in dismay, and I explained that her voice
message said I should give her a call. She started to laugh, and I was embarrassed. I actually found out that she meant to give me a call and that she just wanted to make sure that we were still
friends. I was distraught. We never really talked much after that day. We both went
our separate ways or more like I was so ashamed and embarrassed to look him up
ever again.
But as I was riding my bike to work, I had a substantial relapse
of everything that happened on that day. What struck me on my bike ride
was how glad it ended the way it did. When very negative things happen, I often never ease up on
myself and beat myself up regularly. There have been a few nightmares in my
life that I do not think I would ever want to take back, but there are still
those that I wish I could.
I don't know if any of you know what I mean as we reminisce
about our pasts. But every time I think about it, I'm finding more and more
blessings in things that I thought were the most devastating events in my
life. I only wish that before I finally reach the end of my life, I
come to peace with everything.
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