Year in review - short version

"Look at my abundance" – Karen Gibbs – RIP - August 7, 1977 (age 21)

 Many who knew Karen as we age use those words more often this year!  Life is precious, and too often, that is forgotten.  I have often used that statement as I prepare for significant life changes this year!

 

Last family photo

My 2023 started with the realization that my job was going to kill me.  The stress of the past five years has begun to take a significant health toll.  The first 25 years were outstanding, with great leadership.  Now, people need to avoid the place.  In my division, 80 percent (10 employees) have not been in their position for over 18 months.  Three are replacements for people who quit after a few months, and we may see more leave soon.  Toxic is a kind word to describe the organization.

In October, my physician provided a firm warning that if I want to continue life, things NEED TO CHANGE.  Medicine and routine blood infusions are a band-aide.  That was coupled with the death of my father, the passing of my beloved 8-year-old Golden Retriever, and a few younger friends, including Becky Schindler, who made my decision to retire early a requirement, not a choice.  I hired Becky 30 years ago and worked with her the entire time.  She passed away in 2023 at 50 years old.  I contemplated whether I would continue this job so there would be no retirement financial concerns or leave early with questionable finances? 

 

Porter myPAL

 My financial adviser forecasts that at age 92, I would be broke if I lived the retirement I planned.  That includes spending 35% more than I do now and includes inflation.  I decided being broke at 92 poor is better than being dead rich at 70.  Therefore, I put in my 6-month notice in July that I am retiring on February 2, 2024, at age 61 1/2.  I chose that day as I told my employer I wanted February 4, 2024 (2424), but that was on a Sunday, so I went with Friday, February 2 - Groundhog Day.

 

In August, I also decided to wait to cut my hair or shave until I retired.  I did something similar with COVID; my son Chris made the best comparison.  What do you think?  The kid sure has my humor!  Let me update you on the family, starting with Chris.  By the way, I will always call him Chris even though he reminds me it is Topher!  The full name is Christopher.  I like the first half, and he likes the second. It's like a glass half full or half empty, all up to preference.  Then again, if the question is unclear, the glass is full, half water and half air.

 Chris himself experienced a roller coaster for a few years.  In 2022, my only grandson, Jake, passed away.  He was born with conditions that we knew would result in a short life, yet he surpassed all expectations.  At times, I thought Jake was Chris's crutch in life.  Gave him purpose and direction.  Maybe some of my blood was passed on, as we never quit.  Jake pushed longer than anticipated, and Chris never stopped being his father.  After Jake's passing, Chris started a new chapter, including getting engaged.  Chris moved in May 2023 to Salam, Massachusetts, with his fiancé. Fortunately, he was able to retain a position with US Back.  A secure job is essential, that is for sure!  He always loved Massachusetts and lighthouses.  It was good for him to leave Fargo, where so much of his life was centered around Jake.  We communicate when we can.  I refer to Chris as my "Cats in the Cradle" child.  If you know the song, I think you will understand.

Jordan and his partner Kira live in Cary, North Carolina, with their only child, LuLu, the prized Australian Shepherd.  Kira is holding the neighbor child in the photo – no kids.  They decided I needed a granddog, so I felt I had a reason to visit.  I also love to take care of LuLu. They both needed to travel for work.  Kira travels at least once every two months.  Jordan still travels for work more frequently since COVID-19 stopped travel.  Since COVID, it is all international. Mainly Germany, Korea, Australia, and New Zealand.  

Jordan loves to bicycle.  He rode over 13,000 miles in 2022.  In March 2023, Jordan was in a severe bicycle accident.  His right shoulder was shattered, and he had bone fragments close to blood vessels that could have resulted in death.  After extensive surgeries and rehabilitation, he regained his entire movement and activities in October.  He still bikes, but running is not half of his workouts.

 

As Shelley and I prepare to retire (she is in May 2025), she decided to replace the house's windows, siding, and roof. That way, we will eliminate the need to expend funds in retirement.  

Shelley continues to be busy with seven grandchildren, ages six months to 8 years old.  Three live in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and four in Brentwood, Tennessee.  Even though we live in the same house, we can go weeks without seeing each other.  She flew to one of the locations and worked remotely every six weeks.

Look forward to retirement and making those trips together.

 

In fact, this Christmas, Shelley was in Tennessee, and I watched the fort alone.  While it may sound sad, I enjoyed the downtime.  The time to think and prepare for the new chapter in my life starts February 2, 2024.  May it be a long and enjoyable life change!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Great trail ideas for biking in retirement

Since I stopped running, biking has become my most significant activity.  I have long dreamed of long, casual bike rides with no time limit.  Those are where I can ride and enjoy life and the beauty around me.  

I researched some trains, and Larry Lee, who retired about 7 years ago, shared with me some of the great trails he has found.  Here is a list of some that intrigue me:

Multiple Day Trails

The Great Allegheny Passage starts in Cumberland, Maryland, and ends in Downtown Pittsburgh. It is a spectacular 150-mile nonmotorized path that soars over valleys, snakes around mountains, and skirts alongside several rivers on a nearly level, crushed-limestone surface. Tracing old footpaths and railroad corridors through the wilderness offers glimpses into the country's westward expansion and industrial might. When paired with the connecting C&O Canal Towpath, it makes long-distance trail travel possible between Pittsburgh and Washington, D.C. 

Silver Comet Trail and Chief Ladiga Trail - The Silver Comet Trail runs 62 miles from Smyrna on the outskirts of Atlanta to the Georgia/Alabama state line.  It connects to the Chief Ladiga Trail and winds through 33 miles of scenic Alabama countryside.  The Chief Ladiga and Silver Comet add up to nearly 100 miles of blissful Trail!  

The Paul Bunyan State Trail is 115 miles long and has short on-road connections through Baxter and Bemidji. It is the longest of Minnesota's state trails and the longest continuously paved rail trail in the country. 

The Trail of the Coeur d'Alenes is a spectacular trail that runs for 73 miles on smooth asphalt.  It spans the Idaho panhandle between Mullan and Plummer. It was created through a unique partnership between the Coeur d'Alene Tribe, Union Pacific Railroad, the U. S. Government, and the State of Idaho. The Trail meanders through the historic Silver Valley, along the Coeur d'Alene River, past scenic Lake Coeur d'Alene, and through rolling farmlands to Plummer. Twenty developed trailheads provide entry points, and there are twenty scenic waysides along the route with tables to stop for a picnic or a short rest. 

George S. Mickelson Trail—This is a 108-mile trail through South Dakota. The map has varied elevations and many great sites to enjoy! There are four tunnels (between Hill City and Rochford), 35 interpretative signs (great lessons in history), and more than 100 bridges. 

The Katy State Trail is a 237-mile trail stretching across most of Missouri.  Over half the Trail's length follows Lewis and Clark's path up the Missouri River, where you can ride beneath towering river bluffs while eagles circle overhead.  After leaving the river, the Trail meanders through peaceful farmland and small-town America.

Wabash Trace Nature Trail - The Trail is a converted railroad right-of-way running 63 miles through the scenic Southwest Iowa countryside. It has +72 bridges.  It is close to home in Iowa.

Singe Day Trails

The Provo River Parkway trail is a 15.2-mile point-to-point trail near Provo, Utah. Generally considered a moderately challenging route with about 800 feet of climb.

The Grand Teton National Park Trail - This 7.8-mile point-to-point Trail near Moose, Wyoming, is generally considered an accessible route.  My son did this segment when he rode from Canada to Denver, and I drove as. a crew member.  It was spectacular!

The River Mountains Trail - The River Mountains Trail is approximately 34 miles long and surrounds the River Mountains, connecting Lake Mead National Recreation Area, Hoover Dam, Henderson, Boulder City, and the rest of the Las Vegas Valley.

The Heartland State Trail could be a multiple-day ride for an out and back!  It was one of the first rail-to-trail projects in the country. It is a 49-mile multiple-use trail between Park Rapids and Cass Lake. The Trail is located entirely on a level abandoned railroad grade, except for a four-mile segment north of Walker on sharply rolling terrain for snowmobilers.

Banks-Vernonia State Trail is the first "rails-to-trails" park in Oregon. The Trail follows an abandoned railroad bed that stretches 21 miles between Banks and Vernonia, with highlights including 13 bridges and views from the 733-foot long, 80-foot high Buxton Trestle, open to hikers and bicyclists. A ground-level equestrian bypass crosses Mendenhall Creek. The south end of the Trail begins in Banks, a town of 1,900 surrounded by agricultural operations. Heading north, the Trail passes farming lands and riparian areas before reaching the thickly forested foothills of the Coast Range and ending in Vernonia, a town of 2,200 surrounded by private timberland and small farms.

Hugh S. Branyon Trail—The 28-mile path in Gulf State Park takes riders through nine different ecosystems, including coastal dunes, freshwater lakes, marshes, and maritime forests peppered with longleaf pines, palmettos, and moody oaks dripping in Spanish moss. The path crosses boardwalk bridges to a white sand beach and passes Lefty, the resident alligator's usual hangout, and the nests of two mating pairs of bald eagles.

I am not looking for mountain bike trails; rails to trails are my favorite.  Do you have any suggestions?

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

52 days...

As I think about the next stage in my life, I admit there are some fears. 

I’m afraid of the unknown.  Yes, the future is always unknown.  What do I really know a sure thing about retirement other than it ends with death?  Fear can trigger negative thoughts.  “I’ll have nothing to do, I’ll be a nobody, I’ll fade away.” For me, it won’t be like that.  It will be a time that I can enjoy life without the immense stress of the toxic work environment I have endured for about 5 years!  It will be a new future.

When young people think about their future, they fill it with their dreams.  Well, we’re never too old to dream.  Following the dream can cause change.  I’m slightly afraid of change, but change is inevitable.  That’s why you do not think about the worst way to deal with it; things happen rather than happen. After all, you want them to.

I have spent the past year thinking about what I want to do and what I may enjoy doing.  That has challenged my hard-wired brain to feel happiest at this time of life.  Yes, things never happen the way you plan, right?  Yes, right, as far as some aspects are concerned.  That doesn’t actually matter.  Making the plan is what’s important,

I am getting rid of thoughts of “right” or “wrong.” “Right” suggests only one possible answer, and everything else is “wrong.” Instead, I think of things as “good” or “better” rather than “right.” That change in mindset should generate joy when things go better rather than regret that they’re imperfect.

Giving up full-time work is mentally moving to a new land, like going to school for the first time, going to university, entering a new relationship, being a parent, or starting a job.  I have done it before.  It was always scary.  Yet, I must recall that it is also an opportunity to reinvent myself. 

I’m scared that I know nothing about this big, complicated subject.  And I’m afraid to show how ignorant I am.  Yes, those are natural feelings.  I hope I can persuade myself that they’re unnecessary.  The fear of losing the certainty of the regular paycheck and relying on uncertain investment returns.  But that is my choice.  I am well prepared for this step; now, 52 days away, reality and plan implementation are close.  Here is a photo of me passing the torch to my replacement!  We overlap for a smooth transition!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

An upsetting event

I was just under 100 days from retiring the last time I posted.  I had emphasized that I decided to retire at 61 due to the passing of many friends who had waited to retire.  Well, on November 1, 2023, I was shocked to learn that another very dear coworker, Rebecca “Becky” Schindler (Robertson), had passed away at 50. 

 

I first met Becky in 1996 when she was still in college.  We hired her as an intern, and I worked with her for a significant amount of time that summer.  She was a talented individual.  We had an opening when she graduated from college and brought Becky on full-time.  Becky had a dedication to her family that was easy to envy.  She was a dedicated employee, staying with the same employer for her entire career.  She impacted me and many others in positive ways!

 

Becky and I became close friends and good coworkers. I watched her grow, get married, have two wonderful children, and last year attended her first child’s high school graduation! Now, her second child will not be able to experience her graduation with her mother. It’s a very, very sad situation! I am trying hard to find the positive in this cruel world, but it’s getting harder and harder. 

 

Becky was very, very religious and a strong conservative.  Now, Becky and I were on opposite ends of the political spectrum.  Yet we could have conversations that I knew made her blood boil, and vice versa.  But she was a special friend, even though we disagreed on many political matters.  We respected each other.  We cared for each other!  I will miss her!  Only a few people have that quality of mutual respect in conversations anymore.  When on opposite sides of politics, there is so much hate!  Sad.

 

You never know when our time on earth will end.  So live each day like it is your last, yet plan for tomorrow, the following year, the next decade, etc., just in case!

 

Carry on, my friends, carry on.

No more triple digits

Well, it's close.  I am under 100 days before I retire (60 actual work days).  I also learned my last 33 workdays will be remote at home as they reconstruct the workspace.  Employees will report on February 5, 2024, and I retire on February 2, 2024.   It's a refreshing thought, yet scary.  I have done an excellent job being frugal and have limited concerns about money.  But as many of you told me, it is a difficult transition from cash to only spending money.

My decision to retire a few months before 62 years old stems from experiences over the past 10 years.  Besides the past three years of a highly toxic workplace and stressful with a high turnover (when I left, 90 percent of the staff had been in their jobs for less than 2 years), my supervisor, for several years, decided not to retire early.  He stayed in his position for another six years.  He retired at 67 and unfortunately died at 70.  I have another coworker who retired at 65 and died at 68.  Another coworker decided to hold out until he was 67 and died the day he was retiring.  And one other, who decided to stick it out to age 68 and unfortunately died at 73.  A few weeks ago, I was told a dear colleague who I have known for 28 years is in hospice at 51 years old.  All I know is that retirees are healthier and happier.  I am already starting to feel less stressed, knowing my high-stress workdays are soon over.

After my divorce almost 25 years ago, it took many years to get financially stable.  I started to work extra jobs for retirement savings and was extremely frugal.  While so many friends took vacations and had better cars and houses, I saved.  When my son went to college in 2007, I started working 65-70 hours between two jobs to save more for retirement.  Even today, I work 50-55 hours a week to have all the savings I can. 

I have always intended to take Social Security or my pension when I am 65.  I may wait longer, depending on the economy.  I have planned to have cash on hand to get me through at least the first two years of retirement, which will get me to almost 64 years old.  At that time, I will rely on my 401(k).  It is my intent not to touch my Roth IRA until long after 70 if it is even needed.  Fortunately, in 2025, I will have a significant healthcare savings account available, which will pay for most of my medical needs, including insurance for the rest of my life.  Many have told me that medical expenses are the most concerning in retirement.

In summary, with my experience of people passing away wealthy, my financial numbers tell me my worst-case scenario based on my spending plan, which includes travel money; I could be broke at 92.  At that time, only my pension and social security are left.  I would rather be broke at 92 than dying rich in my 70s.  And that still is not broke; it just means I have no more retirement savings, and that is based on an average 4% inflation and an average 6% return, which, in all accounts, is a bad situation.

The day I chose to retire is February 2.  It seemed fitting that it would not matter if the groundhog would not see its shadow for the rest of my life.  That day, I would no longer be in a toxic workplace, cutting years off my life.  If we have more winter, who cares?  I can read a book, play guitar, walk, or take pictures.  If the winter is short, I can ride a bike outside at my leisure and not have a schedule.  I can do so many other things on my schedule with little stress!

Looking forward to that time in my life!  The new adventure.  Carry on, my friends - carry on!

RIP my dear pal, Porter

 I have never been a dog lover.  I do not hate dogs, either.  That is primarily because I loved my dog as a young boy.  Gave me security and hope.  The dog would protect me.  When I was about 11, he died; it was the first time I felt the pain of losing something close.  For the rest of my youth, I never wanted a dog as I knew they most likely would die before I would, and I did not like that feeling again.  

My father did have dogs.  Dogs he loved dearly, and when one passed, he replaced the pet immediately.  One day, I let my father's dogs out of the house to relieve themselves, and one ran away.  I could not find them and had to return to class (I was a Sophomore at North Dakota State University).  When my father got home and saw the note, I assumed he was mad as he had left a message on the answering machine that I was no longer supposed to return to the house.  He did find the dog later that night, but we never spoke.  He was angry!  I then realized he loved his dogs more than his children or wife.  I thought that in the past, but this solidified that fact.  That was painful as well.  So I had known the love for a dog and the pain that the love for a dog replaced the love for my father's children.

 

Later that week, my sister told my father she was engaged to an African American.  He basically told her to leave and never come back.  Relationship very torn.  I told my mother I was going to give her away at the wedding, and my father told her I was not his son anymore and never to talk to me again.  That is another story – we spoke about 5 years later.

 

Back to dogs.  I always took care of dogs.  Unlike the cats on the farm, I always felt dogs were unfortunate animals that were not typically self-sufficient.  So, my heart and soul always went into parenting mode with dogs.  There is a need to care for those in need and show kindness.  But never getting attached.  That was the same for my girlfriend of nearly 20 years.  When we met, we had the older dog Annie (Golden Retriever), which included Jackson (Golden Retriever) for some time.  Jackson was young when I met him.  I grew attached, but not close enough to feel pain.  

 

So, my attachment to a pet was still classified as neutral in my mind.  Recently, my heart knows that has changed.

 

Within months of Jackson's passing ( Fall of 2014), Shelley added Porter to the mix (April 2015).  Porter was a male golden retriever.  She thought Porter would be her last dog as she anticipated he would be about 67 years old when he passed (assuming he was 12-13).  Porter was a good pup who was really drawn to me.  

Porter grew on me.  He knew my scent, and when I was a block away riding my bike home, he would jump up in excitement to greet me.  I would take him on rides with my bicycle, and he obeyed stop, start, go left, go right as we cruised the neighborhood at 10 miles per hour or more.  

 

Most nights, he preferred to sleep as close to me.  When I was not feeling well, he stayed near me.  When I left to visit my son, Shelley would send pictures, and it was clear he was depressed.  When I returned, it was always with fanfare beyond anything I had seen.  Porter was, indeed, a GREAT friend and a comfort to me! 

 

It was about 4 weeks ago; Porter was very ill.  He had tumors and growths that were not operable, and he was in bad shape.   We had to make that decision at 8.5 years of life would be a whole life for Porter.  I was devastated.  I was losing a part of me.  It hurt!

While I still could not forgive my father, maybe I now understand his love for his dogs.  My dad passed away in May, and that is another entry for a later date.  We never mended the past, and now we never will.   

RIP Porter.  RIP, my dear friend!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Gollllly - life is ...

I have been writing less, doing less, and having less exciting and successful news the past few years.  Seems like a life of work, sleep, eating, and doing it all over again!  

But before I get into Debbie Downer writing, I will write about something good.  I took my work computer away and vacationed for the first time in five years.  I have been losing about two weeks of vacation a year.  Since I decided to retire soon (more on that later), this is an excellent start to transitioning me out.

So, my girlfriend has seven grandkids!  And in the spirit of how we live, they are very active!  We spent a week at Grandview Lodge, six adults and seven kids ages 7 months to 7 years.  Even though it was busy, it had memories—good memories, and that is what keeps the body young!  Here is a photo of the troop!

I also spend a week in North Carolina with my son.  I was able to help with household maintenance, which was a nice break from the monotonous life I led.  While there, I visited one of the oldest abandoned racetracks.  The Historic Occoneechee Speedway Trail!

Here are a few photos:

However, when I returned from each week away, I worked a 65-hour week just to get above water and another 50 hours per week to get caught up.  This emphasizes that it is time to leave, but so much more made me realize I needed to escape. 

Hard to believe the health decline started almost 7 years ago.  Been a fight since.  For the past few years, I have been unsure if it is COVID stress, my very TOXIC workplace, my father's passing, aging, or what, but everything seems a little more complicated, and the mind is less emotionally prepared for an issue.  

My latest trip to the physician made me realize there needs to be a change.  I had been on oral iron supplements for 6 months and had slight improvement.  The oral iron has me in so much stomach pain, but I have all the classic anemia symptoms, and blood work shows the issue.

• I am tired all the time, but I can't sleep.  Four Advil PMs and I might sleep 4 hours!
• I have extreme shortness of breath
• Chest pain is a daily occurrence
• My hands and feet get cold easily
• My heart will race
• For decades, a headache was rare, but now it is widespread

After 6 months, I was hoping for better results, but almost everything is well below the low end of the recommendation.  While nowhere as bad as 2017, it is still clearly creating issues.

So, after I got the June 2023 blood test results showing the less-than-expected increases, I was shocked to have an EKG and to make the following appointment.  

At that appointment, he explained that long-term and untreated anemia puts pressure on the heart, and if untreated, the outlook is bleak.  This was odd as I feel best riding a bike and have a heart rate over 120.  Is the body happy it is getting more oxygen?

So, in a few weeks, I am scheduled for three infusions.  In the past, I had two at one time and another where it was just one.  But now it will be three.  I am hoping it gets me on the right track.  Retiring will also help significantly reduce stress, which does not support the health situation!

As far as employment, I know there are changes in workplaces all the time, but to have over 33% of all employees new within two years.  In my division, 70 percent of all employees who have not been in their position for two years should say something when it is caused by people being unhappy and quitting.  But it always seems to stay the same.  My workplace is so bad I decided to retire well before 62, and I hope to succeed financially.  If I do not leave that hell hole soon, I will die.  I have no doubt that it would kill me to stay for a few more years.  That is one of the very few accurate outcomes that I can control.  My job has been posted and should be filled in the next few weeks.  Then, I will take time to train the new supervisor in my role.  When that is finished, it will be retirement!

May the infusions work (the first one is in the middle of August), the ticker gets better, and the reduced stress will make life much more enjoyable!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Erik's Bike shop experience, twice now

I should have known better! This is not my first time having issues with Erik’s Bike Shop. The last time I had terrible customer service and issues was about 20 years ago when I got my son his first bike. So I had hoped they would improve, but they have not. So here I sit with a $3,400 bike and have only been able to ride it 11 days this year and 8 weeks in the shop.

Last year, I wanted to replace my 8-year-old e-bike (Surly Long Haul Trucker with a Bionx D-500 kit). That bike has over 10,000 miles on it with only minor repairs.  I also have a Juiced Bike RipCurrent S and a RAD Mission.  Being a heavier rider, I have always been cautious about the spoke strength.  On June 7, 2022, I went to Erik’s Bike Shop in Eagan, where they had a sale.  There, I found the Diamondback Current (https://www.diamondback.com/current-4661), which was on sale for $3,450. 

 

Before I purchased the bike, I spoke at length with the sales staff about my concerns over my size, strength, and fear of spoke breaks.  I explained that 20 years ago, I started focusing on the spoke strength as I had issues with breaks and sought a beefier wheel.  In four of my last five bikes, no problems with the spokes.  The one issue is that I built a custom wheel and have had no issues since.  This wheel looked similar to the one I had problems with and had a rebuilt wheel completed.   The salesman said, “A properly tensioned wheel will not be an issue.” I asked again, and a second time, he said it was not an issue. So, I trusted the statements and purchased the bike.

Since my Bionx was still working well, I rode the Diamondback less than 300 miles the first year.  Then, in April of 2023, I started riding the Diamondback more.  After about 400 miles, I noticed a spoke broke at the hub.  Since I was away on vacation, I had the spoke replaced but could only ride 2 of my 7 planned vacation days!  I came home, rode about another 100 miles, and spoke broke.  That was four commutes to work on paved trails and no rough patches. So I took it to Eric’s, and over 24 days later, I got it back.  

 

I rode it less than 150 miles (6 bike commutes) and another spoke break.  On June 20, I took it back to Erik’s, expressing my disappointment about the spokes and suggesting a stronger wheel.  I was told they would call me “tomorrow” with options.  On June 23 (days later), I got a call and expressed my issues and concerns, just like when I bought it.  He suggested installing stronger spokes and said the bike should be ready on July 5.  I told them I would hope to have it for my trip out of town starting on the 8th.  I called on July 5 and was informed that the rim can handle more oversized spokes. I have also suggested a new wheel (over $225 fixed).  I told I was leaving on vacation and wanted to take the bike.  He said it should be done on July 12, but not before I leave. 

 

Frustratedly, I accepted the staff’s statements and hoped to have the bike when I returned.  Since I had not heard from them, I called them on July 16 and was informed they expected to have it ready on July 24.  The bike has been in the shop for over two months, and I rode it 11 days this year.  

  

My moral is not to trust Erik’s Bike Shop staff. I’m’ not sure how they stay in business. I have found that my bike knowledge may exceed their staff’s (who I think are more concerned with making a sale than listening to a customer’s concerns), and when I expressed concerns based on my knowledge, they said there was no issue.

 

Carry on, my friends, carry on.

The older you get, the stranger the message

 As previously posted, my place of employment has become EXTREMELY TOXIC.  The new Administration is much like a clique in high school.  Some are the chosen ones, the targets, and those in the middle to do as little as possible and only as told so as not to be noticed.  

We are treated based on the Director's attitude rather than equality and fairness.  I am not a favorite, and my physician states that I need to reduce stress, or I may not have a retirement year.  I have been great, but I am concerned about heart issues with all the pressure and abuse from the leadership.  As with most medical problems, the delay in getting a full review is crazy.  They think a follow-up echocardiogram is essential with concern, but they can only get in in July!

Another stressful reality is that everyone in the office was friendly and enjoyed being together; the Administration has created an environment where it is best to shut up, do your work, and leave.  I recently had one employee I saw in the parking lot, and I said, "Been a while."  They apologized and explained they knew the Director hated me and was harsh to those who considered me a friend.  So they go out of their way to avoid me.  Again, they are concerned that they will start getting wrath if the Director sees them talk to me.  In fact, they created an acronym, "WOK," and say avoiding the WOK should be the most important goal.

I am at the point where I know the longer I stay, the longer the Administration is unhappy, but I will wait to see if I am forced out like some others forced out.  I have already hired a legal counsel and have documented everything well in case the Director decides to come after me hard.  I need to eliminate my healthcare coverage concerns before retiring next spring.

Over the past few years, I came to my office, and books were placed on my deck.  Some are like "five years before you retire" or "how to retire early.  I take this as a subtle message to leave.  Then, I found the book below.  What a message.  How can I handle trying to figure out from the Director if it may be a threat from a friend or friendly advice?  Either way, it's inappropriate, but I now have it on my desk.  The one who put it there may put it back.

Then, a few weeks ago, I came to work, and the book below was on my chair.  I know this was not from the Director, but who was the Secret Santa?  I don't know what to take of the messages.

In other news, age makes it harder to do things that were EASY in the past.  This past weekend, I changed the tire on my bicycle.  After destroying three tubes trying to get the tire mounted, I gave up and paid a bike shop not to do it.  I still quickly changed the sprocket and chain, but the tire was nearly impossible to accomplish.

I am upgrading my photo-taking and processing system as I prepare for retirement.  I have the 2016 I-Mac that I have used for post-processing photography, which has slowed down.  So, I took the plunge and purchased the Mc Studio.  WOW, what a difference.  On the 2016 I-Mac, loading Photoshop or Lightroom takes well over 30 seconds.  My Mac Studio is under 10 seconds, and post-processing photos is a blink now.  In addition, there are no delays in processing.

I am not going to upgrade the cameras.  My two Nikon D810s and my D-600 are still my go-to, and they do a great job, so I am not grading.  In the coming months, I may share more photos; only time will tell.  As I age, I realize time is not infinite.

Carry on, my friends, carry on. 

Snow and is stress killing us?

This week, we were hit with 20 inches of snow over 40 hours.  They were forecasting more, yet, as usual, the press sensationalized opinions to increase ratings.  Clearing a driveway was difficult as it was heavy snow.  This is another day in the life of a Minnesotan.

I learned that Minnesotan is a demonym.  This is the first time I have heard of that.  Demonyms are used to designate all people (the general population) of a particular place, regardless of ethnic, linguistic, religious, or other cultural differences that may exist within the population of that place.  Here are some samples:

Fayetteville, Arkansas – Fayettevillian

Fargo, North Dakota – Fargoan

Cary, North Carolina – Caryite

Apple Valley, MN – Valleyian

Duluth, MN - Duluthian

Nashville, Tennessee - Nashvillian

Back to life.  Life can be full of stressful situations, whether work, personal, or struggling with the impacts of a global pandemic.  No matter the source, a body responds in the same way.  People say it will kill me.  That is false; it doesn't directly result in death, but it can have serious health consequences over a length of time.

I have been trying to cope and stay on top of the stress. Of course, there are two types of stress: good stress (one I control, like a solid workout, learning a new hobby, and the like) and bad stress, which I have little control over. Both send hormonal signals around your body, causing an increase in cortisol and adrenaline. In the short term, it provides motivation, and this is okay.

 

However, long-term chronic stress doesn't have the same short-term motivational effects.

Cortisol gets toxic in high doses over a chronic period.  Weight gain in the gut, inflammation, breathing issues, Stomach discomfort, and high blood sugar become issues.  

 

As I have previously said, my work has become very toxic and high-stress.  It has become worse over the past few months.  My supervisor's boss constantly makes degrading comments to others about me and avoids me like the plague.  As a result, others are starting to avoid me as they do not want to get the same treatment I and a few others get.  We have had people leave without notice after the wrath put upon them.  There is no middle ground.  You are either the best friend or the ultimate enemy.  My supervisor does what he can but acts cautiously to avoid becoming the next target.

 

Some say, just leave.  Yet, I must get through this year to secure the potential retirement package.  Otherwise, I am concerned about the retirement years.  Yet this lack of leadership and toxic environment might decrease the retirement years I get.  It is a balancing act!  One thing that helps is writing about stress and life to help control what is essentially out of our control.

 

I have been getting some indoor rides using my Wahoo Kikr Core (it is not $300 less than I paid for it a few years ago) and Rouvy. Rouvy is an augmented reality program that makes the ride fun.  It is so natural that I have ridden some courses and then driven them later, and it was like I had been there many times already.  It is fun and will help reduce stress.  

I hope all is well in your world.  If I can make it to retirement, I know life will be much better if I escape the toxic environment I experience most days now!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Tagged by google

 I received an email from Google about a post from 2008.  It was tagged as inappropriate as the header was dirty girls.  It was about the gaters used by many ultra runners.  I changed the header, and they released it.  It can be viewed here:  http://runlondell.blogspot.com/2008/09/dirty-girls.html 

That was the highlight of the week.  I have been spending a great deal of time reviewing my retirement options.  As I had reported before, the work environment is at a high level of toxicity.  One supervisor seems to go out of their way to make employees, including me, feel terrible.  Is it an effort to get us to leave?  The only positive thing about going to work and doing my best is I know it irritates those who created the toxic environment.  It is like the world is now; you can say whatever you want as long as I agree.  Say anything else and risk ridicule, threats, or persecution.  It's all too bad, but it is a reality.

I have slowly bounced back from low Iron.  I no longer have a strong desire to chew ice, but I still have shortness of breath and fatigue.  It is a six-month path with oral supplements as the insurance will not cover the injectafir treatments, which were successful in 2017 and again in 2019 when I was low.  The follow-up is July 19.

I have been riding a little more.  Since January, the rides have seemed so HARD.  A few days ago, I found the relative intensity setting on my software (Rouvy) was set at 150%!  That explains why I questioned my conditioning going down the drain so fast.  I did a ride yesterday at the 100% setting, and it was gratifying; I did not feel like I died.

I did get my first SUPEr photo of a bird recently.  A Cooper Hawk was just hanging around in the neighborhood, and I got pictures without scaring it away.  A sample is below:

I will close with a good joke I heard.  A comb was the best gift for a bald man because he could never part with it!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

I hope I live to retire

I have been struggling for a few years now. While this may not be the place to vent, writing my thoughts to stay sane is best! Most of my issues have been my employment stress. I have less than a year to get to the point where I can retire. I need to hold out a little longer!

My work environment has become so toxic that it impacts the entire team. Well, not the whole team, but a majority of them. It has gotten to the point that we cannot mention the name of a previous staff member the Director does not like or who faces petty treatment. It has gotten to the point that staff has made acronyms to prevent the superior from understanding what we are discussing.

We can't do our jobs as if we upset someone with "connections."  Otherwise, the superiors will take the connections' site and immediately blame the staff.  We are ordered not to take action even when we know an issue exists.  I had one case before the "Feeding the Children" fraud was discovered; staff was ordered to fast-track an application to allow the favored individual to continue the alleged outstanding service to the children in the community.  Most team members knew it was a fraud from the start, but the head of the Department ordered a supportive approach.  Two weeks before the State detected the scam, it was approved.  Once the arrests started, we never heard from the applicant again.

I take pride in my job, and that is now rare for the team. People are in it for the money; they rarely care about what they do. Many have told me to check out and make easy money for the year I must retire. I can't do it, but I am concerned it will kill me if I do not.

Where to go and what to do!!!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Over 3,000 miles and Anemia

First, I was thrilled to be over 3,000 biking miles in 2022 for the first time in years.  It was hard, and the last few months were tough.  Now I know why.  After three frustrating years ending just before COVID, I felt normal again.  It was 2017 when I was hospitalized and diagnosed with the following:

• Deep vein thrombosis – both legs

• Multiple Pulmonary Embolisms—I asked what that meant, and the Doctor said it was more than they could count.

• Eosinophilic esophagitis (Minor)

• Angioectasias—I learned that Angioectasias are aberrant blood vessels found within the gastrointestinal lumen. They are a common source of obscure gastrointestinal bleeding and are acquired lesions compared with other vascular lesions of the gastrointestinal tract.

• Iron deficiency anemia due to chronic blood loss (definitely in the stomach and intestines)

• Drug-induced autoimmune hemolytic anemia

• Hiatal Hernia: The diaphragm is a large, dome-shaped muscle that separates your chest cavity from your abdomen. Usually, your esophagus passes into your stomach through an opening in the diaphragm called the hiatus.  Hiatal hernias occur when the muscle tissue surrounding this opening weakens, and the upper part of your stomach bulges up through the diaphragm into your chest cavity.  It's not always clear why this happens, but pressure on a stomach and age-related changes in your diaphragm may contribute to the formation of a hiatal hernia. 

In late 2021, I started to feel a little off. I had fatigue, difficulty sleeping, wanted to chew ice, and many other oddities. It was COVID-19, so I got it checked out. By October 2022, I was really struggling. I was motivated, but my body did not want to respond. I did not use any of my deductibles, so I waited until 2023 for a check-up.  

The first Doctor I saw was the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist, as I have had a raspy voice since June 2022. He was very concerned with my wheezing and immediately looked at my asthma issues. He wanted to put me on Dupixent, which is a very costly injection. I did not think my asthma was terrible, but based on the South, I could see why that would be a concern.

I then went to my clinic for a check-up and found my anemia was back in full strength.  This is a primary underlying reason for the breathing issues in my mind.  Below is a table of crucial anemia indicators from when in the hospital (2017), when I felt pretty good (2020), and Friday the 13th, 2023.

What (recommended)	2017	2020	2023
Iron (35-180)	18	62	26
Iron saturation (20-55%)	6%	17%	7%
Hemoglobin (13.5-17.5)	7.8	14.6	11.1
Ferrittin (26-388)	8	60	10
Hematocrit (37-53%)	29.80%	46&	36%
MCV (80-100)	61	84	68
RDW (11.5-15.5%)	27.$%	14.10%	22.70%

I do not have an answer, nor do I understand why.  I assume I will be back to the infusion cycle, which is what I needed to increase the past numbers.  

On a better note, I got out with the camera on one of the season's coldest days.  Some pictures are below.

I will pray for a healthier 2023 to get to 2024 healthy.  It is then, if not before, I will retire.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!!!