I am back, I am tired...

I have wrapped up my trip visiting my son in Germany and returned to Minnesota, and now I need to get back on a proper sleeping schedule. It was only 8 weeks ago when I last saw him, although when he came home, he had so many friends and relatives in Minnesota that I saw him a little compared to this trip.

In Germany, it was just us sharing fun times and laughs… all but one day when Christiana, a girl he is dating, joined us. She is a sweet girl. Neither overly happy nor sad. She is a beautiful 18-year-old German girl with a great smile but seldom smiles. That's sort of what I noticed about the populace of Germany as well. No one seems overly happy. No one looks worn out or tired, either. When we went to many places and restaurants, they were talking like crazy, but few smiles or laughs with that conversation. I am not sure I heard more than a person laugh once a day, except my son and me… That includes everywhere in the city I visited… Strange for seeing or me not hearing many laughs around me at all despair of a hard life? In the United States, it is easy to find that spectrum. I saw people just there in life, at least as I define it. They looked healthy, very healthy. So few smiles?

Anyway, I had a hard departure from Germany. Not complicated in the sense that I was detained, the flight… but emotionally… I cried… For some reason, it is hard leaving my son in Germany, knowing it will be at least 6 months before I see him again. More complex than all the times we parted before. Why? Maybe it was we had a great time… We had such a great time. It has been years since he got his driver's license, and we really just hung out and had tons of fun! I think the tears were more that I see the realization; I have raised a fine young man… A man who is independent, smart, able to handle so much diversity and still be a respectful, hard-working human being…

So there I was, a 46-year-old male, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears on the train on the way to the airport and on the airplane… But even though he has matured so well… Like any parent with concerns for his child, I still worry about him. Worried about him being so far away. Worried about his relationship with Christiana. Although she is a wonderful person, relationships begin and end. I worry, what happens if it ends? How can I console him when he is less than 5,000 miles away? But I remember it was painful from my first “real” relationship.

Still, to this day, I recall it well and what it feels like. That first "real" love… That one you thought was the one… Sheri Fjelstad was her name, and I always thought she was the one. But she did not feel the same way. (I see many of the same teenage love looks between Jordan and Christiana that I recalled when I was 19 and Shari was 17.) Looking back, my life is better from her breaking it off as if we would have stayed together, I may not have taken this same 27 year journey (grad school, moving several times to advance my career and such.) Hell, I guess my son would not be here… But I recall I thought life was over... What else is there, I thought? So in a way, I hope he understands that this may work out or it may not, either way, he has a whole life ahead of him. I did not see it that way when I was 19, and Sheri said goodbye…

I recently heard a song by Brad Paisley that hits this issue to heart. It is called a “Letter to me”. It is about writing back to himself about all those things that seemed like the end of life when he was 17… Or what he can look forward to as a result of those decisions… Part of the song goes:

“And then I'd say, I know it's tough

When you break up after seven months

And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair

All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare

And oh you got so much going for you going right

But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night

She wasn't right for you

And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back

And you're wondering if you'll survive

You'll make it through this and you'll see

You're still around to write this letter to me”

I feel goofy that I shed some tears on this plane as I write part of this post… Thank you, God, for not having anyone sitting next to me to see me cry. But to love someone so much is a special place in life.  In my mind, there is no stronger love than that of a parent and child who are close as my son and I. Basically, when his mother moved to Colorado when he was 10, it was just he and I most waking hours… We are close, at least I think so… I thought I felt this way over the years about other humans but today I know I have never had this dedication and love for any human before… I think back to my relationships and cannot find one that causes me to feel this deep. Not even Shari.

It made me think about more than human relationships and love. I thought of running and exercise in general. I have always done it, and I know how important it is and how it makes me feel so great. Some people have a love for it, a passion, and a strong spirit… A different kind of love than that for a human.  For others, it is just a drug of choice. For others, it is a license to live… Others just have nothing else to do… Either way, I wish I could look forward to many things in life, such as seeing a person or doing an activity.

I look forward to seeing and talking to my son. But then again, a true father's love requires you to be a father, and I am….

Carry on…

I am shocked

Nearing my last day in Germany, I learned something that shocked me. Most say that it is expected, but I am still in disbelief. It was Eric Chopin of Biggest Loser 3 (December 2006), and the winner who lost over 200 pounds has averaged a 1-pound-per-week weight gain since winning the $250,000. (Click here) Ouch! I thought I did bad with 1.2 pounds a month since my low of 216... He looks like hell again... But I am not looking that great either... Time to ... is the blog's name, and since I started it, I have not been following the steps needed to reach my goals... Gotta grab those bootstraps, don't I...

Well, the weather is going to start getting better soon. (It stormed in Munich today!) Getting away has been a welcomed and needed break from life.

Carry On!

Nerds

My son is in the Engineering world... Here is a video that we found we thought was a hoot... Called hug a nerd on Valentine's Day... I can relate... Steve Quick, how about you... Carry on...

First three days were busy...

It all started with my ride to the airport getting stuck at the office. So I decided to get to the airport 3 hours early, putting me there 2 hours early. I was also happy that I needed the time to pack, which I left to the last minute! I was sure I had forgotten something…

The airport was almost desolate. I was shocked with less than 10 minutes to check in and get to security.  As I awaited my boarding, I am somewhat ashamed to admit I was looking around the waiting area to see who I would like or hate to get stuck next to for 8 hours? No single person intrigued me enough to make me think, "They would be a good travel companion," but I saw three people who needed two seats and thought, "Please, God, no." It reminded me of my last flight, where I had twice my weight right next to me. If you had not heard, she was the one when I declined my processed meal; she gleefully said she would have it… That was after her skinny-as-a-rail husband gave her his meal as well. 

We boarded on time, and I played a game as people came toward me, stopped, and went into a seat around me. Goodie, I have two seats to myself, maybe not… This continued, and soon, I realized I would be alone! Window seat and the one next to my comfort. So, I started to sprawl out and prepare to enjoy the flight.

The first leg of the flight was uneventful, sort of off… They had movies on demand, so I chose "The Boy in Striped Pajamas." Now, I saw previews for this movie, but I really had no idea the intensity of the movie. The ending was so unexpected! I do not want to spoil it for you, but it is an independent film worth a look!

I slept a little on the plane even though I took my son's advice and took the prescription sleeping pill after the meal. I dozed for two hours and woke from the constant beeps when people pushed the button to call for help. Sometimes, it was simple, like not knowing how to turn on the light. I often wonder if I am becoming less patient or if the disparity in the world of intelligence is getting a whole lot wider. 

We arrived 30 minutes early in Amsterdam when I had originally only 50 minutes for the connecting flight… Well, now 80 minutes made it easier. My connecting flight was on the other side of the airport, and it was a long way to hustle with little sleep… It felt like mile 65 of a 100-mile race.

I did get there without any hassle. We waited for a while when boarding started 20 minutes late. Well, I hate to call it boarding, as we were put on a bus and carted across the runways to a plane in the middle of what seemed like nowhere in the darkness. We sat on the bus looking at the aircraft for another 10 minutes when we were told that the ice made walking to the plane difficult and that we had to board slowly. So we did… It was like Texans driving in a snowstorm. Some people had no idea what to do on ice. Took another 20 minutes to put less than 30 people on the puddle-jumper-sized plane.

Then we sat and sat and sat. The first deicing took a while when the pilot informed us we had lost our spot on the flight schedule, and the control tower needed to find a place for us. Another 15 minutes before we moved. Then the most confusing thing happened… I had never thought taxiing on the runway could take 15 minutes or more, but it did! We just kept moving along at about 20 MPH, crossed 2 interstate highways, and finally, there was this runway. I looked out the window and could not see the airport… Wow!

It was fine once we got in the air, but when we got to Munich, we were told we needed to circle, as we were late and had to wait for the chance to land… For another 10 minutes, we were on the ground.

I had anticipated customs and all those other issues people tell me about. Either I was an idiot, or there was no such thing as customs. I just walked the path to the baggage carousel, got the luggage, and walked out. Jordan was there, and thank God he almost got lost. But we made it to the train.

My first impression of Germany was that it was much like North Dakota. There were many farms and abandoned junk around them. What surprised me was the large amount of graffiti on the farms and so little in the towns. Did it seem odd? Maybe they left it at the farms and have this great graffiti patrol cleaning the city.

We dropped my stuff off at Jordan's place and went to Ulm. It is a quaint village with a church like none I have ever seen before. It is called the Munster, Germany's second largest Gothic church after the cathedral at Cologne. Construction started in 1377 but did not finish until 1890. Yes, 413 years to build! Been a Protestant place of worship since 1530… It had magnificent 15th-century choir stalls with numerous carved figures. The tower is the tallest church tower in the world at 161.53m high and 768 steps. No, I did not get in, but doing that stair workout would have been cool! It looked fascinating. We also took a walk along the Dona River, which was a mix of styles in development. We also came across the redevelopment of a property downtown. The construction materials dated no more than 100 years old, including steel beams and brick. I never found out why it was being removed.

We spent the entire day in Ulm and returned (a 2-hour train ride) to Munich. We went to the grocer and home. I was tired, so I made my bed on the floor and slept hard. I had taken Klomazimpam to help me sleep… Jordan woke me several times as I was snoring, which concerned me a little as I thought I might have a little sleep apnea again. This was an issue in the past when I was over 250 pounds. When I was in the 230s, it was never an issue.

We slept until 11 AM, which was funny, as I had not done that in a long time. But it was 2 AM back home. We spent most of the day at the BMW museum, which was cool. After that, we ate at a student pub called DieBierstube. This is a place where Jordan said it is common. The beer is the first priority, and then the food. I ate a rice/chicken dish, which was quite tasty. It was called Feuertopf. Must find the recipe! We left the restaurant and went downtown Munich. There was some type of protest? Cops everywhere. We did not stay long… We came home and went to bed as we were leaving very early for Stuttgart.

I'm up at 5 AM for some reason, and I'm back home at 10 PM. I did some odds and ends, showered, and headed for the train. The train to Stuttgart was just over 4 hours with the transfers. We were meeting a friend of Jordan's who would hang with us for the day. We arrived at 11:00 AM and went to a place where Jordan ordered me a Doener? Like Gyro meat but dry and less tasty… Been here three days, and we still do not have a great brat… I thought Germany was famous for the brats? We met Christiana at about 1:30 and toured the town before we went to the BMW Museum. This is the second car museum in two days, and I am a little sick of auto history, so tomorrow, we will stay away from auto-related stuff! We left Stuttgart at 8 PM and did not return to Jordan's place until 12:30 AM. Really tired, but I wanted to get a post for the first three days while I have access. No runs but walked at least 4-5 miles each day. I can feel it.

Time to sign off. Carry on!

10 days since the last post...

Well, it has been 10 days since my last post, and it will be more than that before my next post. Many of my pals have had limited posts in the past months. The economy, the weather, and the stress just have many, like me, so frazzled. So many pals have pains or injuries that are holding them back. We just need spring to get here. I am sure it will make us all so much better!

In the past 10 days, I have run about 2 of 3 days with a minimum of 30 minutes each time. I had two runs of over 2 hours each. I have been on this low-carb diet, and man, do I feel so weak and slow. I have added weights, but I do not feel strong. My runs are how I felt between 72 and 77 miles in the 100 a few years ago. I try to make one foot go in front of the other, but it does not feel natural? 

I know it was a little icy on the river trail this past weekend, but it took a lot of work to maintain a 14-minute mile. My heart rate was only in the 130s, but my legs were like logs that were hard to move?

I leave for Germany tomorrow and have no plans to run there… A whole lotta walking is in the books, but no planned runs. When I return, I return for a follow-up blood test, and hopefully, I can get off this low-carb diet. I love pasta, and since I have been working hard to have 55% protein, 25% carbs, and 20% fat, it sucks… Simple as that… I enter everything I eat and watch it closely. Just not easy to do, at least for me…

As I watch the TV tonight, they have an interview with the single mother of 14… This has been the subject of many conversations I listened to but did not join in throughout the past week. The more I hear, the more I wonder how anyone ever expects to properly raise 14 kids on her own financially. I have one, and that is a challenge! But as my old professor would say, what is properly?

I know families with five or six kids and see the hardships they have… I cannot help but think you, and I will pay to raise these and many other kids in the same situation. I will never get it, but maybe that is just it. I am not supposed to… When I tell someone about Al Holtz and his 150-mile last year, they never get it… We all have our quirks, but the quirks many others and I have are not a burden on the taxpayer… Although I may be making a wrong assumption, that is all I can think of…

I have been thinking a little about my potential race options for the 2009 season, and I still come back to the same thought… Grandma’s, and that is it… No other races!!! I know I am running more, but I cannot get the heart into it… I enjoy the time outside and the runs, but the thought of a structured race just does not thrill me right now… I was thrilled to see a fellow blogger put together a great list of podcasts about running…. Check it out! http://mwrunfar.blogspot.com/2009/02/running-podcasts-continue-to-grow.html… I found some good ones on this list...

Anyway, gotta pack! Going on a 4,800-mile journey to see my son and have a relaxing vacation. Keeping up with a soon-to-be 20-year-old highly active male may not be relaxing, but we have a great time together! This is my second real non-run/non-tennis-related vacation since 1999… So I am due, and I think it will be a nice break…

Carry on!