Amateur I am

I enjoy photography.  I have posted some of my photos in the past few years.  I do my best to capture scenes and events that, when people see them, fill them with thoughts or emotions.  Sometimes, it is a running event where they can feel the pain or effort of the athlete.  Sometimes, it is a waterfall or nature scene that provides serenity.

This past week, I had the chance to photograph my girlfriend and her two granddaughters meeting the four-year-old baby sister/granddaughter for the first time.  I was nervous!  Could I capture the emotion?  Could I get that perfect image that you sense the feeling every time you see it?

Below are some of the shots; I am proud of the result.

What do you think?  Did they create emotion or thoughts, or are they just another image?

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Stay in place lifted!

Minnesota stay-at-home lifted?  Is that a good idea?  Is it the right choice?  There are very aggressive opinions on both sides of the argument.  I heard a comparison to war; the rich will do anything to keep getting rich, even if it kills people.  I listened to another question: If we have an aggressor, do we have to fight back?  Who knows?  I do not. 

This pandemic has been very hard on all involved.  I have spent a great deal of time being sensitive to co-workers and their mental health, filling in the gaps to keep the mental state healthy.  Yet I am actually starting to think that maybe this locked-up time results in me being depressed.  Since the work at home, I have had an average work week of just under 70 hours a week.  Maybe it is not depressed but burning out?  My feelings are more than “I feel bad” or “I am an angry old man.”  I felt like I was behind a veil in a dark room?  I started asking myself, why don’t you pick yourself up?  The issue is I do not answer; I only ask.

I know that workplace failures or poor leadership can leave workers feeling low.  The daily grind is wearing many of us down.  I fully understand that mental illness short-term disability claims are growing by 10% annually, according to the Center for Workplace Mental Health.  The brain strain of a depressed work environment costs serious money.  Depression is a leading cause of productivity loss in the United States.  I recently read that an annual cost is between $40 and $50 billion.  

Studies estimate employers lose 27 work days per depressed worker, with two-thirds coming from “presenteeism” - when workers are present but less productive.  There are clear connections between work stress and depression.  This is due to small doses of acute stress (working toward occasional deadlines or giving a big presentation), which can cue your fight-or-flight response in an excellent way to boost performance. Chronic stress (constant deadlines or police officers in the line of fire daily) is linked to depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, and type II diabetes.

As a supervisor, I understand this to help those around me.  But what happens if your leaders have a different awareness?  Sometimes, I have no control as the issues increase and complexities grow immensely.

So, is it OK to go back to the office?  Is it safe to fill up with gas?  Is it safe to go to the Doctor (I am 5 weeks behind from my last iron count test as my anemia has improved, yet I still need occasional infusions (three last year), and I feel like my iron is low again?  Yet, am I safer not going?

Confusion and instability grow, and I am still trying to figure out the correct answer?

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Family, yea they care?

A little over 31 years ago, my ex-wife's labor began in earnest one April evening in 1989, and in the middle of Murphy Brown, over 30 hours later, a child was born.  I've wanted to freeze time, to capture the perfection of a toothy giggle or a cozy morning snuggle for all eternity.  Fruitless feelings, of course, but such is parenthood.  So many things are out of our control, which is liberating and terrifying.  That's not to say there is no warning.  For me, weekends are a dress rehearsal for empty nest syndrome: the children sleep all day and disappear in the evenings.  I wouldn't know they lived here if they didn't take money from my pockets.

Fast-forward to numerous changes.  Thirty-one years later, I find myself in possession of loneliness.  This intensifies as I hear my girlfriend preach about the importance of family.  She tells me that my lack of appreciation for a family is unfortunate.  Family is important, yet when it comes down to the basics of life, we are all individuals and will do what is best for ourselves.

This has intensified recently.  My girlfriend's daughter had a baby girl, to the great joy of my girlfriend, although they lived in Cincinnati, Ohio, and we were in Minnesota.  Her daughter moved back to Minnesota with sheer delight when her only grandchild was one year old. 

Since then, there have been two more grandchildren, and she was so happy.  She emphasizes the importance of family and how this was heaven.  Then, she was informed they were moving to Tennessee.  My girlfriend was crushed.  For several weeks, she cried in sadness over the move.  She became less happy, and this has impacted her significantly.  We had talked a little about it, and it has been about a month since an old friend called her, and she was talking about her OUTSTANDING time with her grandchildren.  Then she broke out in tears.

I am not much help as I reminded her what I said when they moved here.  I reminded her that people do not genuinely care about their families; they do what they want for the next adventure, and they will leave.  She said her family is close, and they would not do that.  Now, she's wrong, 

I guarantee her grandchildren will be sad not seeing Grammy several times a month. But it confirms my statement that a family is second to each one's desires. I've been there, chasing self-improvement and advancement over the family. As I age, I see things differently, and that is a fact.
My point in all this?  The fact is nothing is confident in life.  People will come and go, but we will always remember some.  Physical illness will go away, and weight loss seems impossible.  The only sure thing is that each of us controls our destiny; seldom does that include any care to the family.  A family becomes an excellent family, different from 50 years ago.  I fear relationships and family have been sliding downhill for decades, and I see nothing to give me hope that will change.

Enough ranting.  I am just frustrated seeing someone I care deeply about often cry because of the actions of the one she usually referred to as the daughter who puts family first.  And being the cold, heartless jerk I can be sometimes, I just said, "Oh right, the importance of family" is not reality.

CARRY ON MY FRIENDS, CARRY ON