A little over 31 years ago, my ex-wife's labor began in earnest one April evening in 1989, and in the middle of Murphy Brown, over 30 hours later, a child was born. I've wanted to freeze time, to capture the perfection of a toothy giggle or a cozy morning snuggle for all eternity. Fruitless feelings, of course, but such is parenthood. So many things are out of our control, which is liberating and terrifying. That's not to say there is no warning. For me, weekends are a dress rehearsal for empty nest syndrome: the children sleep all day and disappear in the evenings. I wouldn't know they lived here if they didn't take money from my pockets.
Fast-forward to numerous changes. Thirty-one years later, I find myself in possession of loneliness. This intensifies as I hear my girlfriend preach about the importance of family. She tells me that my lack of appreciation for a family is unfortunate. Family is important, yet when it comes down to the basics of life, we are all individuals and will do what is best for ourselves.
This has intensified recently. My girlfriend's daughter had a baby girl, to the great joy of my girlfriend, although they lived in Cincinnati, Ohio, and we were in Minnesota. Her daughter moved back to Minnesota with sheer delight when her only grandchild was one year old.
Since then, there have been two more grandchildren, and she was so happy. She emphasizes the importance of family and how this was heaven. Then, she was informed they were moving to Tennessee. My girlfriend was crushed. For several weeks, she cried in sadness over the move. She became less happy, and this has impacted her significantly. We had talked a little about it, and it has been about a month since an old friend called her, and she was talking about her OUTSTANDING time with her grandchildren. Then she broke out in tears.
I am not much help as I reminded her what I said when they moved here. I reminded her that people do not genuinely care about their families; they do what they want for the next adventure, and they will leave. She said her family is close, and they would not do that. Now, she's wrong,
I guarantee her grandchildren will be sad not seeing Grammy several times a month. But it confirms my statement that a family is second to each one's desires. I've been there, chasing self-improvement and advancement over the family. As I age, I see things differently, and that is a fact.
My point in all this? The fact is nothing is confident in life. People will come and go, but we will always remember some. Physical illness will go away, and weight loss seems impossible. The only sure thing is that each of us controls our destiny; seldom does that include any care to the family. A family becomes an excellent family, different from 50 years ago. I fear relationships and family have been sliding downhill for decades, and I see nothing to give me hope that will change.
Enough ranting. I am just frustrated seeing someone I care deeply about often cry because of the actions of the one she usually referred to as the daughter who puts family first. And being the cold, heartless jerk I can be sometimes, I just said, "Oh right, the importance of family" is not reality.
CARRY ON MY FRIENDS, CARRY ON
