Friday, February 2, 2018

Is there an answer?

I concluded one of the most emotional and difficult healthcare decisions many people will ever face is tell someone of their health issues.  This is worse if the issue is terminal?  I have met many people along the health battle and treatment path.  While I have not improved or declined in months, medically, I am struggling significantly with have major pain.  It is almost debilitating and is very hard to walk.  It is even difficulty to get up from a chair.  Although I fake it often, as I just do not want sympathy or worry from those around me.  My general numbers improve yet I do not feel better.  

Today during my treatment, I again spoke with terminally ill people I have formed friendships  with over the past few months.  They casually sat in the room and talked about life.  I sat and let the medicine flow and listened.





The discussion today was if terminally patients (or very ill patients) should share the prognosis with others? What caught me off guard is three terminal patients made statements that made me think about this with greater intensity.  One said they did not tell the family at all as there is nothing they can do and wanted to save them non-productive worry.  Another said their spouse knows but kids and co-workers do not.  The third said she informed most people and wishes she was less open.  They all agree grim news can be beneficial and help others prepare for their departure from earth yet for some the truth can be devastating.  Yet it can work both ways, what if the person was never told and has a greater difficulty?  Such a balance and I do not know how to stay on the rope.

Many of you (at least those of use over 50) followed Dear Abby?  She once had a song I enjoyed about her, I like John Prine.  She is the advice columnist Abigail Van Buren.  She was ravaged by Alzheimer's disease yet her family decided not to tell her about the diagnosis.  "Dear Abby," born Pauline Phillips, died at the age of 94 and her son, Eddie, believed that she instinctively knew she was dying despite the family's silence. 

I once read about Allen Ball, a realtor from Colombia, South Carolina, tried to convince his feisty 94-year-old mom, who had an aggressive brain tumor, that she was getting better, she replied: "Well, I certainly don't feel better so you'd better prepare yourself!”

It made me think about how important to keep others informed when there is nothing they can do to help.  Is there really a benefit?  Sympathy does not heal nor do they need excessive worry where there is nothing they can do to help.  The only benefit is to spend more time before a loved one passes, but if they really thought they had to do that, then why did they avoid spending time before they were ill.  Life is busy, that is why.

Yet I believe the loved ones of a terminally ill person need to know.  This allows preparation for their passing by getting their affairs in order. They may want to record messages to family members or talk with a member of the clergy about spiritual matters, including what happens to them

There is no right answer. What you say or don't say depends on the individual and the situation. I never cease to marvel at terminal cancer patients who even at a young age talk frankly about dying and express their feelings to loved ones. If this can be accomplished, it’s the healthiest way to go.  Yet the people I met today were all over 60.  They seemed content to let life live its course and did not want others to be concerned.

So today I left treatment without a little improvement and a great deal of mental confusion.  I am not disclosing the severity of the issues to loved ones, as I am confident I will conquer the issues.  Today made me doubt myself and ask, what if I do not beat it?  Should I discuss this with them?  I just do not know and not sure whatever I do will be the right solution.



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