Old age and wisdom

In many cultures, the owl represents wisdom.  From an association with Athena, the Greek goddess of knowledge, and appearances in Aesop's fables to more recent cameos in A.A. Milne's "Winnie the Pooh," the owl is a go-to symbol of wisdom. Even if you just want to know how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop, you should ask an owl, though you risk losing your Tootsie Pop in the name of research.

But whom can we turn to for wisdom in the human world?  In high school, I was told that beer makes you smart!!!  They say it is proven because they made Bud wiser… In a study by Robert Sternberg of Yale, participants were asked to nominate individuals that they thought wise; the average age for nominees was about 55 or 60 years old.  If you ask, people will say names of old-timers like Gandhi, Socrates, the Pope, etc.…  Clearly, the public believes that with age comes wisdom.  I am 51, so I must be nearing the age where I am wise.  Yea right!

So, is age a prerequisite for wisdom?  Now that I am aging, I am also starting to doubt that.  We all know a few elderly people who lack wisdom. People certainly are sometimes at peak brainpower in old age. The brain shrinks slightly with age, and aging leads to an average decline in cognitive function that results in dementia or Alzheimer's.  

Lately, I have been reading many books for work as part of a yearlong supervisor training course. From "Smart to Wise" by Prasad Kaipa and Navi Radio, I read, "Smartness is like a wild horse: riding it can be exhilarating for a while until you are thrown from it. To tame and harness smartness for the long run, you need wisdom—the stuff that gives you ethical clarity and a sense of purpose." I really wonder what that means.

In summary, I am more confused and less wise as I age.  The more I read, the less knowledgeable I feel.  So, age and wisdom mean anything. As I age, I become increasingly stupid.  Like riding my bike to work yesterday when even cars had issues.  Not wise, but I enjoyed it... (See YouTube video below.)

Anyway, this whole topic started because I rode my bike to work and was so happy, but was it wise? I know it's 18 miles one way, but it provides time to just ride and think—time to reduce stress and realize how special I have it to ride when all those people pass me in their cars, stressed to no end and seemingly getting nowhere. 

So, does age bring wisdom? I say no. Experience brings wisdom, and based on that, I am on a solid path of gaining wisdom daily, but I am not sure I will ever be considered wise.

Carry on, my friends, Carry on. 

I met a girl...

It was on this day 10 years ago I met a girl.  I had been divorced for several years and was ready to date.  Long term dating breakups or divorce is never easy as we once though that person was perfect and then somehow, I failed in making that assumption.  Looking back over the years, I often blame myself for issues, not the other person.  It helps keep the best of those memories alive.  The bad memories are forgotten as once I formed a new habit to rid myself of any perceived issues, why rehash them?

I always believed that the “one-year rule” is essential after a breakup or divorce.  This means you should limit dating, if you date at all, for one year from any significant breakup.  Well, it was not really always a one year rule, but one year or the amount of time you were together, if it were less than a year.  It always gives you time to “get over” the past relationship.  I was married for a decade, so in this case, it was one year but became 2.5 years before I felt I was ready…

I knew little about the girl I was going to meet.  She was older than I and shared many similar interests and noted differences.  It was a blind date lunch. 

We were to meet at Panera Bread at 11:30 AM.  I was there at 11:25 AM, as I hate being late.  I waited…  It was 11:35 AM and nothing.  I was feeling a little down as I thought I would be stood up.  Then at 11:38 AM, I saw a girl drive up in a Nissan Pathfinder.  Now those who know me know I really do not like big gas guzzling vehicles.  So here she was, late and driving the monster truck, but tossed my disappointment aside.

We introduced each other and her natural beauty stuck me.  She did apologize for being late (although over the past ten years, I think she has been 8-10 minutes late 99% of the time.  It is just the ways she is...) 

Then we went in to order.  As she ordered, it was painfully slow.  I even had the nerve to say “OK Sally” as she ordered like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.  She laughed!

We instantly had a great conversation.  It was easy.  I was felling really good about the girl… Then she proceeds to tell me she is still married, but separated.  So here I am, a man who likes promptness, prefers prompt decision-making and insists the one-year rule is essential to allow her to be ready for another relationship.  So why did we keep talking?  Well, I liked her…  Could be more of the opposites like the challenge?

Since that day, I have gone back to that Panera store every year at 11:30 AM on March 23.  All but last year when I was so stressed at work, I totally did not realize it was March.  When the day came and I realized I forgot, my heart sank!  Fortunately, she did not show either. (In all fairness, she asked if I would be there and I told her I forgot and had a scheduled meeting.)  However, what she does not know is I left the meeting early and went to Panera arriving at 11:34 AM.  I was alone…  She did not show.  Although, I never told her I went… 

I know, that was mean, but I think this day we met means so much more to me than her.  Even without her there, at 11:34 standing on that sidewalk, I get a happy heart with the memory…  Of course there were other times she did not show, but that is another story.

Since that day, my life is better in so many ways, but one of the best ways is that she brought back the long last enjoyment of storytelling. When we first started talking, back during that week of furious emailing before we met in person.  I told many stories and some I still recall to this day.  I digress…  She is quirky like I am! she is almost a female version of me in more ways than we are opposite!  I know, that is unfortunate, but we meshed…  Sorry, I digressed…back to today.

Today is the day I will go at 11:25 AM to Panera Bread.  Will I eat alone?  Will she show?  I do not know.  All I know is on/off for 10 years; things have been a challenge for me yet she makes my life better.  Although I think we only yelled at each other three or four times over the thousands of times were spent together.  I can’t recall more than a few times were mad at each other, if at all.  Not sure there is another out there like her, as in all my life, I have never found such a perfect match.  I hope she shows up at the restaurant and feels the same.  Because to this day, I still say “I met a girl…” 

I hope you all have a chance to meet someone who just seems like a match.  It is a good feeling and one every human should experience. 

Carry on my friends…

When your best may not be good enough?

Over the past few weeks, I had the outstanding opportunity to be with my son.  While I am very proud and only wish I could be half the man he turned out to be, I can't help but think if I did a good job?  He often has some of my less-than-desirable traits, making me think I have failed miserably as a father.  But he is a great person, so did I forget?  One thing I always thought is I did my best.  Was that enough?  Will I ever be satisfied with myself, even when I have so much satisfaction looking at him?

But as the well-known Winston Churchill said, "It's not enough to do our best; sometimes we have to do what is required." Have I done my best but failed miserably in doing what is required?  But what is needed?  Does anyone really know the answer?

In February, I watched the Super Bowl. I could not help but think the Bronco's looked reluctant to be in the game and, in my opinion, were not giving their best effort. The Broncos were required to be in New York, but I do not believe they did their best. But what does this mean? I have faced many doubts over the past few years. I have spent more time dwelling on my failures than on my successes. 

But many times, I have successes, which are the result of another failure.  What do I mean?  I often recall the great runner Paula Radcliffe to describe what I mean. 

In 2005, Radcliffe participated in The London Marathon. She was determined to become the world's fastest woman in marathon history. Radcliffe started the race in great shape, but near the end, she began to feel… pressure—literally.

So, as she neared the end of that pivotal race–a race that, if she won, would give her the title of the world's fastest female marathon runner–Paula Radcliffe realized, to her great dismay, that she needed to go poop.  Unfortunately, if Paula were to visit a nearby bathroom, she wouldn't finish the race at the record-breaking time she desired. However, she really needed to poop.

So, as she neared the end of her race, facing the possibility of failure, Paula Radcliffe resigned herself. Instead of going to a nearby bathroom, she paused briefly and released the pressure. Yes, she did this in front of hundreds of people while cameras recorded her and broadcast the race to spectators worldwide.

After finishing, Paula stood back up again, crossed the finish line, and achieved what she initially wanted: becoming the world's fastest female marathon runner.

And the rest is history.

I had not thought about "Paula's Poop" that often, but I was thinking about doing one's best.  Is it enough?  Like being a father… You never know if it is the right choice.  She will always be the fastest at one point in history, but she will also be known for pooping all over herself.  Did she make the right choice?

When I write, I am often forced to confront human limitations. These limitations may be physical, like Paula's, but they can also be emotional, spiritual, or even intellectual limitations. When I hit a brick wall, I often try to figure out the "reason" why something isn't working the way I would like or why I have been presented with a challenge that is more than I can handle.

Maybe I figure the "reason" I am not good today is that I haven't tried hard enough. Perhaps it's because I am being punished for something in my past. There may be something intrinsically wrong with me. But I may find peace if I stop looking for what I did right or wrong and instead see the challenges rising to meet me.

Instead, I'd go in and work at my job some more, putting in more hours, working to motivate my people, trying to do everything my supervisors were telling me to do, and again, I find I do not believe my best is good enough.  This is the only place I know my best is more than enough.  I do not have that feeling anywhere else in my life.  I am stressing out.  I am frustrated. I am unhappy.  Life is not always good.  I feel overwhelmed and trapped.  I have reached a crisis in my life. 

The answer may be to understand there is no answer. Doing my best means doing nothing at all. I do not know, and not sure I will ever know.  But one thing for sure, I often think I should just go out for a walk and poop my pants…  It worked for Radcliffe, but not sure it would do much for me but get arrested…

Carry on, my friends. Carry on!