Cleaning out the photo files

Each year, I clean out the photo files. With a digital camera, I think I take about 3,000 photos annually but eventually only keep about 500. As I sort through many favorites, I thought I would share a few that I loved, the way they turned out or the story they tell.

Here they are: (Click on the photo to see a larger, more vivid photo)

The best sunset picture I have ever taken... Colorado Rockies!


The blank looks when you need to pull yourself from a race early...

It's not a good place to have both feet off the ground at once...

No, it is not tie-dye. A bloody nose went back miles earlier. When the blood stopped, just put the shirt back on.

This was taken at FANS... Minimalist?

So we are at another year's end. They come and go so fast...

As I approach 2011, I have some questions to which I may have some answers. I am closer to my 50th birthday and cannot wonder why everyone is getting old around me? Why do people refer to 50 as the Middle Ages? Does this mean I am going to live to be 100? I doubt it!!! If I am only as young as I fell, how does that account for all my worn-out parts? If I get my parts updates, will I be the man of steal? Why do I keep asking this body to hurry up when, in reality, I am slowing down?

I have questions as I ponder the past year and many past ones. Although, I can honestly say I have learned a few things about life in general:

• No matter how bad someone treats you, they are human, and we must learn to forgive.
• I cannot solve all my problems, so I must stop trying to solve other people's problems.
• Always put a "No Trespassing" sign above your "welcome" mat.
• Worry works; everything I worry about seems not to happen.
• If I pluck all my gray hairs so as not to become gray, I will be bald.
• Plucking those hairs from my ears and nose is easier than finding them.
• When I was 19, I knew everything; there was no need to ask. By the time I was 30, there was more to know. But by the time I was 40, my kid knew everything and corrected all my mistakes. Now, I am pushing 50, and I know that I have so much more to learn.
• Every day is a struggle, yet I wake up each morning thankful to be alive and given another day to get it right.
• I am blessed to still have all God's blessings: Sight, Sound, Touch, Taste and Smell.
• I am thankful that I have met so many people and have had so many people in my life.
• Other people's pets have taught me more about God's love than 1,000 sermons!
  

So if I wait to post for the rest of the year... Thanks for reading (suffering or enjoying) my thoughts this year. Until then, think about the following...

"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas."

"Be at war with your vices; at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better human."

Carry on, my friends... carry on...

What, it's December 23rd! HOW?

Time flies as we age. That is for sure in my life right now! I recall it being September like it was yesterday. Adding some workouts to my 70-plus-hour work weeks has made the time fly. I get out of bed, head to work, work through lunch, and leave work at about 7, and about three of those days, I got a workout in. I sure feel good and desire to do it so much more. But how?

I could get up at 5:30 AM and head to the gym. I tried that one day but was too tired at 7 PM to go. I don't know the best solution, but I'm glad I am still trying. In these stressful times, it is so much easier to give up.

I did pick up my son last weekend in Colorado. It was a different experience than ever before. He is stressed as well. For the first time since I got divorced over a decade ago, he started yelling at me about things, including the Divorce and my parenting. It was an uncomfortable experience, that is for sure. Sometimes, it is hard to forget the harsh words of others, even if they were spoken out of anger and not intended to be as harsh as they were taken. This is a lesson I took long to learn, and it looks like he is following in my footsteps.

It could be that I am too sensitive. With life just being work, sleep, work, sleep, try to clean the place, work, sleep... I just feel like I have lost my life. I was talking to a woman who was recently released from prison, and she stated that life was better there. While she lost freedom, she had no time or much less freedom in her free life.

But when my son went on the verbal attack, it was difficult. One thing I am most proud of is being a father. I gave and continue to give everything I can with a focus that he improves and becomes a better man. However, that was one of many reasons I failed in many ways, such as relationships or self-preservation. I learned the hard way that there needs to be a balance between all aspects of life. That is what being a Type A does to a life.

I also goofed up, and somehow, when I washed the 5 loads of clothes he had built up, bleach got on a few of his favorite shirts. Another black eye on that one. But then again, somehow, I goofed up, but I need to figure out how.

I have been getting plenty of questions lately about Grandma's Marathon. It is my 35th year, and it will be my 27th. My heart is not in it at all. I long for trails but clearly despise the road. I responded that I would do it if someone thought they would struggle to finish; I would go with them and pull them through. Last year, I finished and only ran 15 miles from January through June, so mentally, I am fine. But that is getting harder as I dislike running that same course yearly.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My son will be here; I set up the three-foot-high tree. Looks so funny with the presents hiding under the tree. Oh well, it's so much easier to take down, right? All I can say is I hope 2011 does not go as fast as 2010. I need to make adjustments and get life back on track. Many roads to travel, and I still need a road map. So I will keep using the instinct to determine the best path and assure that I am not to proud to turn around and go back when i think I went the wrong way. In the past, I kept going, and as I age, I realize it is better to admit my mistakes and try another path. That will assure eventually, I will be on the right road. But then again, as my friend points out, Mother Nature can change the path at any time, and all I can do is be patient and use the knowledge I have gained.

Carry on, my friends...

Expectations

I was working out with a friend the other day, and she started talking about feeling like she was on the outside looking into life. I questioned what she meant by that statement. Summarizing what she said, she said that while her husband is next to her, she feels like there is a glass wall between them (except when infrequent intimacy is involved, but all other times). She said at her new job, she just seems to not fit in; she said with her over-achieving family, she feels left behind, and she said with most workout friends, she feels less than adequate.

A consistent point was “she feels,” and I asked her what they had done to make her “feel” that way. She said they do not smile or say hi, and they are just there with little appreciation for her efforts. I explained I knew what she meant because I had been there as well, and in some ways, I still am. I commented she should read “The Cost of Living” (http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9781590173275). That book is not about women with perfect exteriors — their hair did just so, their manicures never chipped, their voices soft and silky, and they never said the wrong thing. Instead, the author writes about draggled laces, sagging hems, and undone ribbons. Her stories about everyday women and heroines are about the awkward, the hopeless, the immature, and the ones on the outside of womanhood looking in, like her and many others. I told her I did not think it would be a revelation, but it was a good read. I will wait to hear any comments if she reads it.

I thought this was a preconceived notion that we have a certain level of self-worth and a certain amount to give before we expect to benefit from the work and effort. It is the expectation within us that creates disappointment.  Like when I hope to finish a marathon in less than 4 hours. I failed when I had exceeded more than 99.6 percent of all humans. (So the web says in a study from 2007.) What a great thing I should celebrate. But my expectations are what really caused the problem.

I do this all the time! Have expectations and then big-time disappointments. May my next 15-minute per-mile run/jog be joyous for what it is, a successful run. Still doing more than the majority of the world, just not accomplishing anything compared with the friends I keep...

Carry on my friends…

Feeling positive...

It was a nice Thanksgiving weekend. I worked 9 hours Thanksgiving Day and another 34 hours Friday through Sunday, but I had a great time with my son, who flew in on Wednesday night. We got tickets for the Gopher/Iowa game from a friend and attended. Even though it was cold, it was fun. He was also able to spend time with his Aunt, Uncle, niece, nephew, and Grandparents.

For those who may not know him or be aware, he is attending the Colorado School of Mines in Golden, Colorado. (The thing about coming home is that I think they catch up on his sleep.) He is 21 and really a great person. He has run Grandma's with me twice and kicked my bottom doing so (but I still have a PR just under an hour of his PR). He still plays great tennis. (See the club tennis page.)

A little more about him. It was Thanksgiving, 1994, when there was an event that would change his life. It also changed much for all around him as well. We were visiting my father's farm, where his right hand was amputated. He really is lucky to survive. He never really sulked in loss and is very successful due to his attitude. Of course, attitude is so much. If you do not believe me, check this out: (Website: http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/)



But I think he learned an attitude and balance from his grandpa, his mom, Neal Halberg, Tommy Valentini, Steve Wilkenson, and so many others. Parents do not raise a child successfully without others, and there were so many others who made him into the successful man he is today.

Enough about that, although once again this weekend, I spent time with some good tears. Almost every year, I cry less about the accident and the impacts of that day. But this year, as I have written before, it is the loss of loved ones that really hurts a little more. I think it is strange how some people are sheltered and never see the things others experience in this world. Some of you know Shelley. We speak of how she has never had a human loss. She has had real bad luck lately, with two of her three cherished pets getting ill and being put down. That was hard for her, and I think she adjusted to it.

Well, this weekend was an especially hard one, as well as one of elation at having my son home. I kept hearing songs on the radio, which brought back memories. I started to cry when a few of Dana's favorite songs came on, and I bet I looked like an idiot crying at the stoplight. As many of you know, Dana was such a positive influence in my life, only to see hers cut short.

Then I heard some 80's songs. That was when a good friend committed suicide, and two others were lost in a car accident. Then, in the late 80's, when my nephew drowned in a few feet of water. These losses hit me hard this weekend for some reason.

But a good cry seems to wash away some of the pain and sorrow we hold within ourselves. I know that the positive feeling from a good hard cry makes things better for a while. But it is still hard to overcome the loss of a great friend. I know there have been many, and there will be more. But I try hard to recall the best, and that usually helps. In 1988, I had a great friend and we grew apart, that is also hard to accept but when I see they are doing well and happy, that can only bring a great smile. Life throws us so many curves, but as a good catcher, we do not let the ball of life pass. We grasp it hard and throw it back for another pitch!

Today, I was talking to someone who asked me how is it so often I laugh? I responded, "Every day I laugh because I can". Laughing is beneficial to your health. It has been said that laughing for 10 minutes heartily is equivalent to 10 minutes of moderate jogging. So tonight, as I came home after crying several times throughout the day, I thought, if laughing benefits your health, what are the benefits of crying? We all have those nights here when tear drops saturate our pillows. For those who say they have never cried, I say you have never lived.

And this cry will get me into the gym more often—I can feel it! It was something that needed to be done, and as I close this post, I smile. My son will leave tomorrow, but it will be a brighter day for so many reasons that I know his going back to school after a short visit will be OK.

Carry on, my friends...

Fatigue, memory loss and other losses

Before I start, all this talk about the "pat down" was put in a different perspective in a cartoon sent to me by a friend. Here it is:

I lose memory after a third week of 75-80 hour work weeks, including Saturday/Sunday, of over 26 hours on those two days on successive weekends. I used to get concerned about this, but I no longer do. What is remarkable is how people tell me what I accomplished, and I look at them like, "where have I been."

I started to compare this to my long-running efforts. I have had several training runs that lasted over 20 hours. As I look back, I recall a common thing, once I reach a certain level of fatigue, my body goes into some type of auto-pilot before it crashes.

Like the 2008 ST 100 attempt, I recall so much of the race until about 4 AM (20 hours after the start). Then the memories fade, and by the 25th hour, I am totally unaware of what happened. My mind just shut down. When I quit at 28 hours, my mind regained control of the body, and that was the end.

In these long weeks, I have found the same thing. I go into autopilot. I just float along. I am much more productive than when I am aware of my surroundings. It is an interesting phenomenon. It may be interesting if it has been studied. But sadly, I do not realize who I have spoken to or what I said. This could be dangerous. However, the general consensus of others is that my facts are significantly accurate and that I can answer much more detailed questions on the fly. This is just strange.

Taking extra vitamin B12 can assist in reducing this activity. I used to take a Multiple B vitamin each morning, but lately, I have skipped taking it regularly. I should consider taking it for 2 weeks and tracking the progress since I have two more bad weeks before I return to a 50-hour week. At times, this is all a bummer, but in reality, I am happy to work in this time of job difficulties. I have many friends who would love to be in my shoes, so it is not bitching, just the facts.

I read an article today that was actually sad for me. Many might have known the 53-year-old Mike Broderick. He finished the Western States 100 in August, finished the 50K Green Lakes Endurance Run, and in September, he finished a marathon and half-marathon. On November 4, 2010, he died. He had an aggressive lung cancer.

He was a lawyer who left the profession to do what he liked—run, coach, and teach. He threw himself into running with knowledge so vast that he was in demand as a coach. I only met the man once. He reminded me of me with little tact in what we said, but we were also funny and charismatic. There is that trait of being happy with running whether we were first, last, or between.

One website posted an e-mail from Mike that read:

"It turns out that the shortness of breath and other symptoms I have been experiencing over the past several weeks are not due to pneumonia. I apparently have lung cancer and am now in the process of further testing and evaluation to determine the extent to which it may have spread and to begin a course of treatment."

He died just weeks later.

As I age, as we all age, we see life just for what it is—precious. It is times like these that I really need to look in the mirror and not see the fat, out-of-shape runner but the person who has been given another breath, another step, and another moment to either cherish or waste.

May we all cherish our loved ones, friends, and enemies on Thanksgiving.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Another run

I did another 2-mile run. It was rather enjoyable. Well, kind of sucked in the process, but after I was done, it was so great when I was done. The Strassburg sock helps the PF, but the pain in my toes in the morning is odd. I will take a little toe pain over the PF pain in the morning.

There is a benefit for Larry and Colleen Pederson next weekend. My son is here from Colorado, and I am working tennis and will miss it. If anyone wants to meet great people, help great people, and work off a little post-Thanksgiving calories, check it out! It should be great!

I talked to a few friends, and they pointed out the Wild West Relay. If I return to it by next year, I may have to have my son and a few others try it. It is 36 legs and 200 miles. There are several 7-12 team runners. Entry is about $1,300. I like the Flatliners (all runners live below 2,500 feet). Minnesota qualifies! They have structured formats or Helter Skelter, where anyone can run whatever they can. Leave Fort Collins and head to Wyoming, then southwest, over the mountains! Any interest?

For a shorter race, consider The Colorado Relay? Both sound cool...

This is the type of event that can make me dream and motivate me as needed...

Either way, I have a few weeks where I will work no less than 70 hours, so one week at a time. May we all have a great Thanksgiving, and take care of yourselves.

I want to close with a story I heard today:

A man was running behind an Amish Carriage which had a bumper sticker that read:

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats."

This was on one bumper, and on the other, it read:

"CAUTION: AVOID THE EXHAUST!"

Carry on, my friends, carry on...

All the world's a stage...

From Shakespeare's As You Like It. Quite frankly, I hated it. I had an English teacher in the 11th grade. She was into this crap (so I called it back then and slowly learning to appreciate literature, I SAID SLOWLY).

The class has to memorize the full passage! She exclaimed it was the greatest comparative analysis of a stage and life, comparing it to the seven stages of a man's life: the infant, the schoolboy, the lover, the soldier, the justice, the pantaloon, and the second childhood.

I recall I passed missing only four words. What does this have to do with anything? The last time I heard or desired to hear that series of words was 1978, but lately, especially when I am alone lifting weights, doing yoga, or whatever I do when I drift off, it spins in my head over and over.

I have recently worked my way through many lines and decided to write them down to see what I got right. Then, I wanted to look it up to see if I was even close. So here is what I recalled, and then the bold/italic are words I missed, and words in "quotes" are words I incorrectly added:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men "are" and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like "as hot as a" furnace

That is about all I recalled with any accuracy. I guess I did not remember as much as I thought, as I only made it to the lover!

What does that have to do with this blog or running? Absolutely nothing. But it does make me wonder why, as I get older, I have these recollections of decades ago—recollections I have not even cared about nor really want to relive. I'm not sure why, but I can not help but repeat to myself often during the day.

It may also have to do with a mid-life crisis mental exercise the close to 50-year-old mind plays on oneself. Made me recall the best mid-life crisis story I have ever heard. It goes:

A man who was married for over 25 years looks to his wife and says, "Honey, 25 years ago, I lived in a cheap apartment, had a car that barely ran, slept on a sofa bed or a floor, watched a black and white 12 inch TV but every night I slept with a hot 25-year-old blond! I have a great house, two great cars, several bedrooms with many nice beds, and a 50-inch Plasma TV, but I sleep with an average 50-year-old woman. So, Honey, I think you are not keeping up with the rest of the things in my life."

The wife turned to exclaim, "Go find the hot 25-year-old blond, and I will make sure you are living in a cheap apartment. I may not even let you have the car, and the sofa bed would be the best you could wish for..."

Could be reminiscing is not a good thing after all? But ...

All the worlds a stage...

Carry on my friends - Carry on!

Terrible too's

I am feeling a little better. I have been taking photos of the scale each day this month. Man, daily scale photos tell so much. I bounced as much as 10 pounds from the high and low in the last 10 days, with today being 6 pounds less than 10 days ago but 4 pounds heavier than two days ago. Goofy stuff. I will see how it goes.

The heading is the long-stated question: Once you feel better, how much is too much? I decided to focus on biking for the time being and run once I completed a 100-mile bike ride—yes, at once. I have done several 25-50 rides over the past month, so I am well on the way. I have been doing everything I can think of and reading for PF, and it still hurts a little. Weight loss from biking may make a good overall start.

Many runners, especially those new to running, make the "terrible too's" mistake. They get so excited and enthused about their running that they do too much mileage, too fast, too soon. They mistakenly think that "more is better" regarding running. As a result, they often start to develop common overuse running injuries. Been there, done that... so what is too much. Some pros say:

1) Be more conservative than you think you need to be with how often, how long, and how much you run, especially early in your development. Increase your mileage gradually. Keep your weekly mileage from increasing by more than 10% a week. So if I start at 520 feet, I should only increase it to 572 feet the next week, and so on... That is 25 weeks to a mile. But then, if my first run is 5 miles, I should be able to do a 100-mile run in 6 months. Both are ridiculous in my mind, so does that void the 10% rule?

2) Pay attention to aches and pains. If the pain worsens as you continue running, that's a warning sign that you should stop. If this were true, I would never run. Hey, close to 50, what doesn't hurt? Good. Does this mean I call in sick and stay in bed?

3) Take at least a day off... from what, everything, or just running? I need clarification.

My main point is that I want to run. I am just a little scared to start as I am concerned I will not control my weight. But I still do not know how to control my weight and may just do too much.

I am a little excited but will be a little of a loss the next three weekends. No tennis... Well, not really, as I am heading to Dallas Friday for an Official meeting, then home for two weekends before I have five weekends in a row. Then we are a week before Christmas. Wow, where did 2010 go? As I get older, time seems to go faster.

I read something the other day and found it hard to believe, so I Googled it, which is accurate. Given that a fellow Blogger is going through this right now, I did not know what to think about the shirt. It is very mixed but creative, that is for sure.

Time to call it a night. Viking has depressed me, so I guess I should sleep well!

Carry on, my friends...

PF ... No not Changs

Not sure how many of you out there ever battled Plantar Fasciitis (PF). I think most know what it is and the problems it bring for those who have the issue. The plantar fascia is a thick fibrous band of connective tissue originating on the bottom surface of the calcaneus (heel bone) and extending along the sole of the foot towards the five toes. It can stop you from starting. I have battled it since December and tried rest, massage therapy, stretching, night splints, motion control running shoes (made the knee hurt), Cold therapy, I have orthotics, anti-inflammatory medications, rolled the foot on ice calls ad many more, but just can not shake it. I am thinking of taking the injection of corticosteroids, but hate that thought.

Anyone have advice. I know a big one is LOSE THE GUT but that is also hard when you limp from PF.

SO I continue to bike, walk and yoga to get batter balance. The yoga seems to help most. One thing that is really hard is standing on my feet for hours. So I know my tennis officiating is not good as I will be on my feet for 6-10 hours each day. I have assignments 8 out of the next 10 weekends with one of the off weekend volunteering at Surph the Murph. So I need to think of ways of minimizing the impact of standing all day as the weekend after an event I limp quite a bit for a few days.

Today at tennis I had a 12 year old boy really act up and made many of us frown at his behavior. I recalled a story I told him it to explain his behaviour. Then afterward, I felt little bad as with me not running as much I have been a little grumpy... These life lessons are there for us all, not just the junior players. I am sharing the story with you all and maybe you will use it on your own youth or get remined of the importance of controlled emotions and comments to others...

Enjoy...

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said "you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one." You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.

Carry on my friends...

Busy but excited...

There have been four reasons for decreased blog activity this past year.

First, with two big surgeries and recoveries, I have gained weight and just feel like crap. I have officially made the 50-pound point. That means I gained 50 of the 94 I lost in 2006.

Second, I need only a little physical activity to get me back on track.

Third, the job that supports my habits has been killing me. I love that I have not faced a layoff like many have in this economic downturn. We are down about 1/3 of the staff, and things are picking up. I have been working 55-60 hour weeks. My son and girlfriend keep yelling at me as I do not write down the overtime. I have a job to do, and I get it done. I should write it down so the higher up see we need one more staff person. Then still so, about 10-15 hours of tennis officiating on weekends. However, I have taken a few weekends off from tennis and feel less exhausted...

Finally, I have accepted the nomination to be on the USTA Northern Board and USTA Sectional Chair of Officials. This is one of those Jobs where you start with a low salary, and they add a zero every year. (You know, $0.00 to start.) But like volunteering for races, this has satisfaction built into the duty.

With all that, I want to share the Superior 100 volunteer time, which inspired me. There is the Surph the Murph in a few weeks, and I will get another dose of inspiration as I hope to get an aid station this year. Hope for great weather like last year. Nice and cool for the runner, and I got 10 hours at a great campfire while supporting good friends. (If you want inspiration, see the link for this YouTube video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU) I lost 3 pounds last week and had some good workouts (no running yet as my right PF is still so painful... may seek a shot. I Hate to, but it has been all year!). But I did get 102 miles biking over the weekend! Cool! Love the cool, brisk bike ride in the morning! May go the whole month without filling the car!

Anyway, I hope this is the upswing, just in time for the great fall ahead (no pun intended). May I get on the trails with many of you soon? Drop a line if you are off the trails now and want to start. This overweight guy is slow and could use the support as well. It's fun!

Carry on, my friends...

Should be an update ...

On my wonderful ST 100 volunteer experience, but...

My job is getting insane with the demands placed on me, and I am just so busy that when I get a chance, I need to take it, or I lose that chance. So tonight, I relaxed after a demanding workday and watched The Notebook. I needed to relax after a difficult meeting. I also wanted to watch it as it really is a whole bunch of emotions, which makes me remember not to expect an explanation for the unexpected or think that I can't accept no explanation, just keep the faith and move onward. Some who have seen it may agree with me, while others may think I am way off base.

But this also made me think of the challenge a fellow blogger is facing. She writes about the "C" word and how life has thrown her a curve. (an that is not the "C" word) I think about the wonderful and welcoming sharing she has given me through her blog, even though we have never met. The love and support amongst her family is so wonderful. She has the best tools to beat the "C" and get her desired NYC Marathon, all in good time.

But the Notebook and my fellow blogger made me think... Will my heart ever allow anyone to be that close to live for the moment together or to support me through a very difficult ordeal? Opening always means an increased risk of being broken. Like how I feel about my DNFs at the ST 100, I ask if I lack the desire to train to avoid another dejected feeling one gets from the DNF. Strange correlation for some, but in my over-analytical mind, I wonder...

But just like a 100-mile race, we have to keep our hearts in it, or we will fail. In The Notebook, the man dies doing what he loves (which is a great part of his life), keeping the love of his life. May we all find love and never let it go. Even if it is one mile at a time, the end is so rewarding.

At least, that is what I have read from the pals, now proud owners of the elusive red jacket!

Carry on my friends, and never look back without a smile...

Going to Superior 100

I'm not running but to get away, intermittently help out the runner, and have fun with Shelley. It's been a while since we've had a getaway, and I will need to monitor my time at the stations and with other friends.

I plan to leave town at about 6 AM Friday and stop by some aid stations. I will have my camera at hand, so all you runners can stop before the station to comb your hair and, if needed, put on makeup (kidding). I am also looking to maybe do a late-night leg with a runner and maybe that last part if a pal is on the edge and could use a little push. Of course, that depends on how my next two weeks evolve.

I have been off the levequin for over a week and can feel the difference. I had a little home invasion of dust mites/fleas. My son and I woke with mosquito-like bites (3-5 each night) that were a nuisance. A little bomb spay after a thorough cleaning and then re-cleaning has taken care of it, but it was really a pain! At least with the medicine taking me out, I had time.

I took my son back to Colorado a little over a week ago. It was a nice trip, and we saw a great sunset.

Also took a 4-mile hike in a place called Mayhem Gulch. It would have been a great trail to run on! Did not take the Garmin, but it was up, up, up, and turned around, and we went down, down, down... You can see the zig-zag of the trail on the side of the mountain.


Anyway, that is an update. Only a little new other than being busy and staying alive.

As a final note, my pal Carl has ceased his Blog. I wrote a piece a while back on "WHY BLOG" as I wondered why several times. Then I thought about it... In summary, to keep in touch, share joys and sorrows... Just to have a place to share our thoughts and desires. I understand Carl's decision, but I wish he had reconsidered. A once-a-month post is relatively easy, and you know what? It is the only way I can keep in touch if I cannot run. But the trend is to get info on Facebook nowadays but that is so fragmented and all over the place, the blBlogreates a local place for all the successes and possible DNF's for one person, in one place, in order. I enjoy reading so many blogs of people I do not know, but I can feel their successes and failures and empathize. So please, Carl, reconsider... And Wayne, I like the BlBlogetter!!!

Even though I do not comment, I keep up with what is going on, and I read those who post. Thanks! (Yes, that is Beth, Denise, Steve's (both), Don, Mike, Helen, Kel, Lisa, and so many others.)

I hope I captured a nice digital image of you having fun at the 100 or 50. If not, please enjoy the day and smile.

Carry on, my friends...

What used to be...

I read this and thought about many relationships I have had over the years and how I hear so many people say that they no longer love their mate because the mate has changed so much... We all have changed over time. Like my doctor tells me, I am getting so old that I should not buy green bananas (joking). So, I wanted to share this story from the pastor of a Church service I attended Sunday. It was about people changing, and our love can waver with change...

They have been married for two years. He loves literature and often posts his work online, but people need to read it. He is also into photography, and he handled their wedding photos. He loves her very much.

Likewise with her. She has a quick temper and constantly bullies him.

He is a gentleman and always gives in to her. Today, she's being "willful" again.

Her: "Why can't you be my friend's wedding photographer? She promised she'd pay."

Him: "I don't have time that day."

Her: "Humph!"

Him: "Huh?"

Her: "Don't have time? Write less of those novels, and you will have all the necessary time."

Him: "I... someone will definitely recognize my work someday."

Her: "Humph! I don't care; you'll have to do it for her.

Him: "No."

Her: "Just this once?"

Him: "No."

Negotiation's broken. So, she gave the final warning: "Give me a Yes within three days, or else..."

First day.

She "withheld" the kitchen, bathroom, computer, refrigerator, television, and hi-fi—except the double bed—to show her "benevolence." Of course, she had to sleep on it, too. He didn't mind, as he still had some cash in his pockets.

Second day.

She conducted a raid, removed everything from his pockets, and warned, "Seek any external help, and you bear the consequences." He's nervous now. Night. On the bed. He begs for mercy, hoping that she'll end this state. She doesn't give a damn. No way am I giving in, whatever he says. Until he agrees.

Third day Night. On the Bed. He's lying on the bed, looking to one side. She's lying on the bed, looking to the other side.

Him: "We need to talk."

Her: "Unless it's about the wedding, forget it."

Him: "It's something very important."

She remains silent.

Him: "Let's get a divorce."

She did not believe her ears.

Him: "I got to know a girl."

She's furious and wants to hit him.

But she held it down, wanting to let him finish. But her eyes already felt wet.

He took a photo out from his chest.

Probably from his undershirt pocket; that's the only place she didn't go through yesterday. How careless.

Him: "She's a nice girl."

Her tears fell.

Him: "She has a good personality too."

She's heartbroken because he puts a photo of another girl "close to his heart."

Him: "She says she'll support me fully in pursuing literature after we get married."

She's very jealous because she said the same thing in the past.

Him: "She loves me truly."

She wishes to sit up and scream at him: "Don't I?"

Him: "So, I think she won't force me to do something I don't want to do."

She's thinking, but the rage won't subside.

Him: "Want to look at the photo I took for her?"

Her: ".....!"

He brings the photo before her eyes.

She's in total rage, hits his hand away, and leaves a burning mark of a slap on his face.

He sighs.

She cries.

He puts the photo back in his pocket.

She pulls her hand back under the blanket.

He turns off the light and sleeps.

She turns on the light and sits up.

He's asleep.

She lost sleep.

She regrets treating him the way she treated him.

She cried again and thought about a lot of things.

She wants to wake him up.

She wants to have an intimate talk with him.

She doesn't want to push him anymore.

She stares at his chest. She wants to see how the girl looks.

She slips the photo out. She wanted to cry, and she wanted to laugh.

It's a beautiful photo of her. A photo he took for her when they met.

She bent down and kissed him on his cheek.

He smiled. He was just pretending to be asleep.

This makes me think back to how I have changed, as have many friends and other people I have known over the years. Many of you know my ex-wife, and she is a fabulous human being. We once loved being with each other. We do change. Amazing how I clearly recall the love, the hate, and then the acceptance... While the parting is always hard, she is truly happy. Although, there may be more change. I know many, including myself, who have been on the high and low roller coaster ride of giving and feeling loved. As i age, I desire that flat ride on the old model T with the rail to guide me... You know, like at the amusement park. But then again, I would have missed out on so much pleasure and pain. Memories...

I think I am going to spend this week thinking about all the quality activities and smiles so many people have shared with me. Those memories will never be taken away. Who knows, it might make me smile a whole lot more, and if I really look at my life, I have so much to smile for.

Carry on, my friends. Carry on...

Crying...

I have been battling this infection for years. We have been trying to pinpoint when it started, but I was unsure. While the Levequin has its miserable side effects, my head is unlike any recent history I can recall. So clear!

Today, I was making several homemade burritos. I have a vacuum (food saver) and make several and freeze them. Use whole foods made from real beans, tomatoes, rice, green chili, organic cheese, avocado, shredded zucchini, and onion rolled in a spinach tortilla. For the first time in years, I CRIED CUTTING AN ONION. Wow, that is a switch. I can not recall the last time an onion made me cry. Same type, nothing different. The infection must finally get its bottom kicked, and my senses improving?  There is hope...

Another seven days of medicine. I leave for Kalamazoo for tennis on Thursday and will return on Sunday. It should be fun. I'm looking forward to getting clearance to work out again by mid-August. Is it just in time for it to be cooler?

That is about all. I will go cut another onion... What a welcomed feeling!!!

Carry on!

I hate that!

I know the economy is tough, and I hate to complain about street maintenance, but this year, I have found the roads are rough to bike on compared to last. I have been experimenting with various commuting ways, especially at night, as the main roads I ride most frequently are just plain worn out. I have never broke a spoke twice in 6 weeks and only found out because my bike tire was a little out of balance, otherwise I would not have known. This is not from hitting a pothole, jumping a curb, or anything like that; it is just from ordinary riding.

This has really been a deterrent, as the rides are less enjoyable. I have completed several 20-plus mile rides in the past few weeks and will do more in the future. I just do not enjoy them as much as I would like. It is like trail running: keep your head down and take action to miss the holes and other imperfections on the road.

Besides the roads in the area I ride, a coworker who drives from Minneapolis (uptown area) recently was told that her shocks and struts have worn out in less than 50,000 miles. They said this is more common with the poor condition of the roads. I guess we'll pay it one way or the other.

Enough complaining, but it really ticked me off yesterday! I plan on some good rides and a few runs this week. I leave for Kalamazoo next week, then I get back and head to Colorado. It will be August 27 before I finally have a weekend at home, able to rest and relax, but then I really would like to have a few 6-mile runs by then.

Hope all is well and everyone enjoyed the great weekend! Carry on...

Update...

Last night, I did a 34-mile bike ride with stops throughout the ride, including a concert at Lake Harriet. This was after a few 3-mile runs over the past week. I am feeling good. Staying away from the scale, as I have enough reasons to feel bad, will eliminate that opportunity. Just working out regular will take care of the weight, I know it. When I work out, I automatically eat healthier. Although I went to the doctor today, the infection is still present. It is not as bad as before surgery, but he stated there are medications he may consider that will not allow me to run or work much for a few weeks. That would suck, but if that ends this multiple-year downgrade, I would embrace it fully!

I must say that stress has been a problem. Just like many in this economy, there is stress, which impacts everyone. One thing that can be stressful is relationships, especially when I think I am dating someone but am not sure. Talk about needing clarification.

Amazing how stress-free one can be, all be lonely when no relationships exist. But then I see some friends who are not in a relationship, who are so stress-free and others who are just burring into a hole. I see the same with married couples. I will never understand it and may never want to understand.

You know, I am not talking only about male/female relationships exclusively, but those with others like a sister, co-workers, sons, ex-wives, friends, etc. They all are wonderful to have and add benefit to one's life. There are times, however, when you just want to be alone.

My son recently blew his top about me just being here, grandpa calling, his girlfriend calling, and his friends calling. He just yelled, "I just want to be alone and have time by myself." It was a great example of what I mean by the impact of a relationship: We love them, we hate them.

My next few weeks are busy. This weekend, there is a junior event that has National Points. Then, depending on the weather, my son and I may head to the Superior Trail next weekend. The following weekend, I will be in Kalamazoo, MI, and the weekend after that, Colorado. The summer will go fast.

I will be up at the Superior 100 as a volunteer if needed. Either way, I will take a few hundred photos if I go. I will know in a few weeks if I get the time off from tennis to go up there. It would be so enjoyable!

I will go for a walk in the woods. It is very hot, but a few miles with the camera is nice.

Until next time, carry on...

Grave visits?

Since there is little running going on in my life (I am finding a slow recovery from Grandma's), I have been letting my mind wander. Although it is not uncommon for my mind to be all over the place, could it be ADD?

My son is back from Alaska. It was funny. He did not shave the whole time, and shaving 8 days of growth was an experience—a first for him. I could only smile. He did have a great time. I am so proud of him and the comfort he has in travel and life. Now, if I can only get his car out of the garage.

Now, what was this post about... It could be many things... my weight is now over 270... But I still did several runs of 3-4 miles each at 12 minutes miles... So, it's alright! I really need to get this under control!!! Stress is a big reason. But I was writing about something else... Oh yeah, grave visiting.

I was watching Forrest Gump Sunday, and near the show's end, I was really struck by something. He was standing at Jenny's grave and talking to her like she was there. He left a letter from little Forrest for her to read. Made me think.

I always get a strange aura when I visit Fort Snelling or other graveyards. I read the markers, and so many thoughts ran through my head—some wonderful, some sad, some strange. So I was thinking, I have never, as long as I recall, visited a grave site of someone I know. I was really struck by this.

I started to think of Dana and how she was taken from this earth early. Then again, was she. I often think of the words from the Pastor when my 3-year-old nephew died. His words were Gods plan for Aaron's life was three years or Dana 36 years, they lived those years fully. That Pastor emphasized that life being short is all due to the expectations we place on life.

Do I buy into this? I do not know. It is all confusing...

Watching Forrest Gump speak to Jenny makes me think about how life can change at any time. It makes me want to take a trip to Portland to visit the grave of a dear friend just to talk. I miss her and need to speak to her. It is strange to have this feeling, but Kayak.com has some reasonable prices. Now I need to coordinate the tennis and work, and I may be happy, and the hole in my chest will be less of a hole.

Isn't it strange how the littlest thing can trigger emotions? But without emotions, where does that leave us? Well, for me, fat is emotional eating. Well, I am feeling positive about the steps I am taking, and that gives me hope.

Hope all is well in this hot July as you train for many races. I will not race this year but look forward to Superior 100. I am trying to get out of a tennis assignment to volunteer!

Until then, or another post, carry on, my friends...

Annie, may she rest in peace!

Friday was one of the worst days of my girlfriend’s life, as I saw it… Annie, one of her Golden Retriever’s took very ill. She had a tumor the size of a basketball, which was putting pressure on all her organs, and there was very little question of what options there were. This just weeks after an illness took the aged family cat, Palay! Not a good June for Shelley!

I met Annie (the dog) in 2004. I had just started dating Shelley, and she had two dogs and a cat (Palay). If I have the facts right, Annie was the dog she kept after the divorce (Oliver went with her ex-husband). Shelley wanted Annie to have a companion and purchased the male Golden Retriever, Jackson. With two of the most diverse personalities, they provided many memories. Me not being a strong animal lover, they seemed attracted to me. As a kid, I had some real bad issues with dogs and grew to resist getting attracted to an animal.

Annie and Jackson always seemed to sense that I was indifferent. They would always try to get my attention. Jackson was aggressive, but Annie, with her graying hair, would just plop her head there and look at me. Just like she was always saying, please be my friend. I did just that. They grew on me, and I learned to enjoy my visits and walks with them. Now, it will be a walk of one, which will be hard at first.

After Annie was euthanized, the Vet did the best job ever helping with the pain we all felt. My son came, and afterward, he asked why I was crying. He said he had never seen me cry and knew my approach to dogs. I explained that Annie was unique, and many times when Shelley was out of town or after my surgeries, Annie seemed to know what to do… She seemed to always approach me like a loving mother, not demanding anything but just wanting you to know she was there, always willing to make anything better. It is very painful to see her go, but it is the right decision. So I, like any human, would have cried with that much sorrow, seeing what had become a dear part of my life go away…

R.I.P. Annie, may you and Palay have a great time together in heaven! You were special to many!

Carry on…

I heard this and thought... this is like me!

Wow, what a day…

I decided to wash my car today. I started walking to the garage and noticed the mail on the table. OK, I am going to wash the car, but first, I need to go through the mail. So I lay the car keys down the desk and discard the junk mail after sorting out the bills and notice the trash is full. All right then, I will just put my bills on the desk and take the trash out. But since I am going to be near the mailbox anyway, I will pay the bills now. Where is the checkbook? Oh, there it is but only one check left… OK, the extra checks are in the file cabinet. Next to the file cabinet sits the Coke I was drinking.

I need to get those checks but I am going to put that Coke in the fridge to get it cold again. I head toward the kitchen and see my flowers need some water… I set the Coke on the counter and WOW, there are my glasses, I have been looking for them all morning so I better put them away first.

I fill the container with water and go to water the flowers. Oh no, some one left the TV remote in the kitchen! We will never think of looking in the kitchen when we want to watch TV tonight so I better put it in the living room. Meanwhile on the way into the living room I spill the water. I set the controls in the laundry room and get towels to clean up my spill. I get to the laundry room and see I have a pile of laundry and decide to start the laundry. Realizing I used all the laundry detergent, I realize I need to go to the store. Now where are those car keys?

Is this a disease or normal?

Carry on

What... me run Grandma's again? And Finish?

In 1985, I set a goal, and last year, I made that goal, well, half the goal. I had a goal to run Grandma's and Twin Cities Marathon 25 years in a row. In my 13th year at TCM, my entry got chewed up by the postal service and returned to me weeks after the race. Never got entered and quite frankly, the cold and lack of understanding from the TCM staff really upsets me, even today, I always suggest people look at some other friendlier race! Anyway, last year I finished 25 Grandma's. (Click to see the post) I was not ever going to do that race again.

This, coupled with my knee surgery last July, my bike accident last July, stress at work, and then another surgery in mid-May 2010, I never envisioned I would run Grandma's, nor did I want to run it. Although I am a father first in life and would go to the end of the world for my son. He wanted to run the race and asked me to join him. I resisted feverishly. He continued to encourage me to consider it. Long story short, I entered.

Before I started the report, it was such a boost to see Wayne Nelson several times on the course. It really kept me positive. After seeing Lisa at Lake Street, I felt a wave of confidence. THANKS MUCH, YOU TWO!

As I said I would never do it again, I started my 26th consecutive Grandma's Marathon. Since last July, I have logged less than 20 running miles. I have over 1,200 miles on the bike and another large amount of walking miles, but so little running. I talked all week about there being no chance I would finish...

My son decided to run the first mile with me. A minimally impressive 12-minute mile with an HR of 130.  I was pleased with how I felt... Then, my son proceeded on his own to a 4:30 finish. On the other hand, a good goal would be the first 5 miles in 12:30 a mile or less, the next 5 miles in 13 minutes or less, and the same pattern to the end. This went well; for 16 miles, I started to feel blisters and cramps. I had been taking S-Caps and knew it was related to fatigue. So I decided to walk. Walk fast!!!

I was surprised to find I was clicking off 15:00 minutes of mile walking but could only muster just over 14 minutes of mile running. This was short-lived, as every mile I dropped 10-15 seconds. By mile 22, I was at a 16-mile mark, but a finish was within reach. I tried to jog but knew that was not a great idea. So I walked and walked and walked. The miles clipped one after another.

My son came back and met me at mile 24, and I had a full boost of confidence. He stayed with me to Lake Street, and then I got a second wind. The last two miles were in the 13-14 range, and I FINISHED #26. Coming across the finish line, I cried. I cried because I never, in my dreams, thought I would get past halfway. I cried because my own son encouraged me to do the seemingly impossible. I cried because it was over.

I feel almost like I did after 77 miles of the ST 100 in 2007. My feet look the same. I have a baseball-sized blister on the right foot and a smaller one on the left. But if that is the price I pay tonight, I am happy! I made my son proud less than five weeks after Surgery that put me out of work for a few weeks. It is a great feeling when you finish something that seems impossible.

Where does this take me? I do not know, as I will have to see what the next two days are like, but I have one big smile on my face tonight, even though my foot is pretty painful!

Carry on, my friends! Carry on!

Way to much bed time...

I am a person who does not like to sit still. But since the surgery went well and I am home, I lie down most of the day. If I get up in about 20 minutes, I will be out of it and have to lie down again. The Doc said I am out for the rest of May, if not longer. The good thing is that my vision is not an issue, and my head is clearer than I recall it being for a long time. I no longer wake up unable to see or confused, which is a great cause for celebration. This does not come without headaches like none I have ever experienced, but Hydrocodone helps...

Already tired, so I am going to stop this post.

Until later, Carry on...

Delayed post...

I set this update to post when I am a few hours into a surgery I am having. It's been a while since I posted and with good reason. I had my epiphany and two great weeks of working out, and then I was so sick. Long story short, a few MRIs and several CT Scans found some pretty significant issues. They could be related to much of what I have complained about for years.

Starting in 2007, I have been going to the doctor every 4 months, complaining of many things. I basically had antibiotics every four months for a few years. Vitamin D was low, and many chest ex-rays from chest congestion and many other nuisance side effects. Well, in January, I was going blind in the left eye when I laid down, and it took a few minutes after I stood up before it cleared up and I could see clearly again. This progressively worsened, and in March, it was sometimes a 30-minute effort after a night's sleep before I could see in the morning. Many specialists have been trying to determine what was happening with this ongoing issue. I had an MRI on the head, which showed "the worst long-term sinus infection" the specialist has ever seen. It had spread to the eye socket, and a minor infection of the brain was suspected as well. He thought it should have been debilitating, but it was not and I did explain I have a tendency just to go through pain, otherwise how could a fat man run 50 plus mile races?

This untreated (99% closure of all sinuses closed and one fused together) resulted in an infection of the left eye socket from ethmoid sinusitis fused closed. The eyelid had become noticeably swollen and droopy. There is a growth behind the left eye socket, which is most likely caused by the infection. Almost thought I had a stroke? They also suspect my mild personality changes, headache, neck stiffness, and visual problems have all been part of the infection, which may have spread to the brain. I have been on high doses of antibiotics (including an IV), which seems to help keep the issues at bay but not improve.   My general physician apologized a few times for missing this all these years and getting to this point when I went to have the pre-op physical. I told him I had headaches and pain but learned to live with it... The biggest thing is even with this infection, they pressed on my face, and it was a nuisance, but no pain.

Anyway, at the time of this post, I should be deep into the surgery to remove the growth, grind some bone,  check the membrane behind the eye for any issues, clean out the sinuses,  and hope the eye works afterward... There will be weeks of recovery, and not sure when I will post next. Either way, I hope this is all part of the long-term issues I have had with weight, fatigue, stiffness, and many other things, which are clearly side effects of the problems the surgery is intended to resolve.

On a positive note, my son is here for the summer (well, he was here for a few days but will be in Germany for a month and then back here for 8 weeks before returning to Colorado). When I went to get him last Tuesday, there was a snowstorm in Denver. We had 70 degrees, and they had snow. We drove about 20 MPH on the highway because it was so bad!

Well, I wish I could end this by saying I have to go, but really, with the delay post option, that will not be true. But it is time to leave for the hospital, and I need to publish this post later.

Carry on!

The Epiphany has arrived...

In my last post, I wrote about how I needed an Epiphany—something unexpected to give me an emotional lift and drive to enjoy things a little more. I GOT IT IN THE STRANGEST WAY YESTERDAY.

I was getting a rack and saddlebags on my bike at Eric's Bike shop. Standing there waiting, I looked to my right and thought, "I know her," but I had no idea who she was. Another 20 seconds go by, I stared at her again. She was looking at nice road bikes. I knew her, but why and from where? I have had some memory issues since my concussion last summer, but I was never so sure. Another minute goes by, and I look at her again. I just could not place her anywhere in my life.

Then I looked more to my right, and without hesitation, I exclaimed, "O'Neal." He smiled and said "yes".  It was O'Neal Hampton from The Biggest Loser, and that girl was Sunshine. They are in the middle of the home part of the show. They have been home for about 12 weeks and have about 4 weeks to go? She looked so GREAT I did not really know it was her! He has done so well, but she was hard to recognize. Her face showed the cheekbones, not in a bad way, but she really had her best features shining through!

We were not allowed to talk about the show, but I spoke to O'Neal for about 15 minutes about various topics.  If Sunshine loves running, she joins MNDRS and meets for organized trail runs. I told her about my ultra idol Julie, her love of the show, and how she would run any pace with her just to talk about her experience. I also told her that veteran trail runners are not overly concerned with pace on every run. We know camaraderie and the joy of getting out on the trails, and we hoped she would not feel like she was too slow (or too fast) as it was the joy of the run that counted. Afterward, I felt bad for not suggesting UMTR. Sunshine, if you read this, also check out UTMR.

I came away with the idea that O'Neal is more genuine and real than a person on the show. Really impressed me! To see how far these two have come and then to take the time to speak with me like a friend. WOW. I can not say enough about the positive impact it had on me. I have watched O'Neal with his knees lose so much weight, and I bitch about my weight and really do not feel that bad physically. As a result, I ran 3.3 miles in 35 minutes, biked 28 miles, and lifted weights today. According to the computer program, I had a negative daily calorie intake and felt great.

ATTITUDE... That is the difference. The desired epiphany, it is here. I do not know how long it will last, but I will ride this as long as I can! Nothing like a great Epiphany...

Carry on...

I need an epiphany...

Been a long time between posts, but only a little to say. Spring has brought me a little more joy and a positive outlook. Before I start explaining the title, a minor workout update… I am running a little and biking a lot, and the legs feel strong with occasional morning soreness, but nothing that would be a concern. I have completed several bike rides over 30 miles daily in the past weeks. Things are improving, but I am looking for a little push in the right direction. I need that Epiphany, like I know we all have had several times in each of our lives…

You know, that time in your life that something strange happens that has a long-term impact on your life. A single momentary act that has more power than anything we could imagine. An Epiphany… That is what I call it.

Epiphany is defined as "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."

Most people relate to an epiphany as a religious experience. The Western Christian tradition celebrates January 6 as Epiphany. However, this is also known by another name in some cultures. In Hispanic or Latin culture, as well as in many places in Europe, it is known as Three Kings Day. There are many other religious connotations for Epiphany.

I have had many Epiphanies in my life. That first kiss from someone out of my league made me feel so much better about myself. That look in the eyes of a dying person whose life was cut short by a terrible car accident. Those last words of wisdom from my 99-year-352-day-old grandfather, who lived a full, rewarding life. Holding my child when he was minutes old... the day I finally understood Quantum Mechanics in College.

In 2006, I met a friend who I consider an Epiphany. I am so grateful to her for opening my eyes to the brighter side of life. She contacted me every single day and made sure I was OK as I was going through a hard physical and emotional time. The way she handled her recent issues of the death of her husband made me stronger. She inspired me to do the things I did not think I could do. It was the jump I needed after several down (negative) years. Our friendship was odd, but nevertheless an epiphany for me.

I had an Epiphany when I was at mile 44 of the Superior 50 mile, and it caused me to finish. My post on that race had the following information:

"At 1:57 PM, I was on my way, feeling good. Then came the rocks… I climbed, climbed, and climbed. Finally, I felt dizzy, sick, and totally spent. I reached the top and lay on the rock and cried. I decided I can not go on, my heart was low. I was going to lie there until someone came and got me. After a few minutes, some rock climbers asked if I was OK. I said yes, I needed a break, opened my pack, and found the 25 notes my girlfriend passed all over the motel room the night before. I placed them in the pack that morning in case I needed inspiration. I started to read them. The quotes were such as "It hurts up to a point, and then it does not get any worse" from Ann Trason, the Ron Hill quote, "Get going, get up and walk if you have to, but finish the damned race," and Robert Frost "The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." I thought about my Promise to Dana that "we would finish" the race. I thought of how she died getting in better shape. At that moment, I looked at the sky, and the sun hit my face with amazing strength. I felt my heart expand. I felt I was imagining how the Grinch felt as his heart grew… I looked at the rock climbers and said, "I am going to finish this race." I got up, put the notes in my pack, and felt amazing. I started running. I got to the Britton station, smiling, laughing, and having a good time. 2:31:11. Not bad considering I bawled on the rocks for an undetermined amount of time. I hugged my girlfriend and told her I would finish. I felt like no hand pain, ankle pain, or heart pain could stop me."

I call that an epiphany for me!

I really need an epiphany like that now. It is not here, but I am sure it will hit me one day. Writing these strange things has come back to my mind...

I recall in High School, when Sheri Fjelstad had just dumped me. I turned on the radio and heard Cliff Richard singing, "We Don't Talk Anymore." We never talked again… an epiphany of another sort, messages at a strange time. This was the perfect Epiphany that I needed at that time. I was reminded that no matter what we do, simple things can bring us happiness or remove sadness.

Then there are random acts of kindness, which can be epiphanies… These unselfish actions make life full and rich beyond what I often realize. I am sure the opportunity will present itself soon; I hope I have the kindness and knowledge to grab it.

I am sure that many of you have had these special thoughts several times when trying to complete a 100-mile race. I hope to complete a 100-mile run someday to know if it will give me that elusive Epiphany or just nice, rewarding pain…

That is all I have to say.

Until I have more to say or finally get my much-needed Epiphany… Carry on, my friends!!!