Contact made

On November 20, I posted about letting go regarding my oldest and estranged son. As stated, he tends to reach out at odd hours after long periods, with “news”. The past two times, he said he had a new phone and had the wrong number.

He sent me an e-mail on December 5. It read:

So, a couple of things. I got a new phone and your old number must have stuck in my contacts but your new number did not. I've been messaging you but I think it's to your old one. Like a lot. I messaged you happy birthday and other things and the only reason I can think of is it's your old number.

What is your current number? 

Knowing I did not have a new number, since my phone number has remained the same since late 2021 after Jacob passed away. I thought he was using the same excuse again and was reaching out with “news” that might require some financial support. So I immediately replied the next day, saying:

Mmmmm. So you texted several times, including over three months ago, and you just thought of emailing now?  Sorry if that sounds wrong.

What number do you have? I have had only one for over three years, and we exchanged texts several times.

I am unsure what the news is, but I have had a recurring dream for the past 7 months. It is so strange and generally the same. He is dressed like Jean Valjean. He is the protagonist of Victor Hugo's 1862 novel Les Misérables. The story depicts the character's struggle to lead an everyday life and redeem himself after serving a 19-year-long prison sentence for stealing bread to feed his sister's starving children and attempting to escape from prison. He finds ailing Fanitine. He agrees to care for Fantine’s eight-year-old daughter, Cosette.

Why is that background important? In my recurring dream, my estranged son is dressed like Jean Valjean and is standing over me singing, “So dad, you see it’s true, I have a daughter just for you. Her name is Cossette!”

So it has been a week, and he has not replied. I am not sure he will, as it would show the only number he has is the only one I had for three years. I sent many messages for Christmas 2024, and he replied, “Let’s both make an effort to keep in touch more often. It’s something I want, and I hope you do too.” I wrote three more times and texted twice. He said, “I am busy and will get back to you!” Never heard from him again.

Maybe he will come clean and admit he ignored me. As stated, our last communication was last Christmas and he ghosted me, as he has throughout his life, unless he has “news”.

Carry on my friend, carry on!

Iron Frustration

Just over 8 years ago, I struggled daily with exhaustion, headaches, heart palpitations, and shortness of breath. I wasn't getting enough sleep and took magnesium supplements. From experience, I know that iron deficiency is associated with a poorer quality of life.

The body temporarily stores iron as a protein called ferritin. However, if iron stores become too low for an extended period, hemoglobin levels in red blood cells decrease, leading to anemia. Iron is a crucial part of hemoglobin, the protein in red blood cells that transports oxygen throughout the body. The mineral also plays a key role in various cellular functions, including energy production and the maintenance of healthy skin, hair, and nails.

My physician believes that iron deficiency is readily treatable with iron supplements. After the 2017 anemia diagnosis, I started taking iron tablets daily, but cut back to three times a week. I found it hard to cope with the side effects of stomach cramps, nausea, and constipation. The result is over 16 infusions since, most recently, in August.

As reported on November 27, my blood test shows:

Iron                 20 g/dL         57% of the lowest recommended level

Iron Saturation 6 percent         30% of the lowest recommended level

Hemoglobin         12.2 g/dL 90% of the lowest recommended level

Ferritin                 20 0 ng/ml 76% of the lowest recommended level

Due to insurance coverage, I cannot receive additional infusions until the insurance review is complete. I am scheduled for infusions on December 22. Since November 27, I have been focusing on taking oral iron, which causes constipation. Over the past 15 days, I have seen blood in the toilet, indicating I might be losing more iron than I am absorbing from the supplements. 

My condition has worsened, and I am sure my hemoglobin levels have dropped. Right now, I feel lethargic, irritable, have pale skin, severe shortness of breath, and have almost fainted a few times. Research shows that Ferritin levels below 25 ng/ml increase the risk of failure. I am being VERY careful! I even upgraded my Friday home flight to first class to minimize any issues. The frustration over iron-related issues is affecting my mental health. Low iron has also been linked to depression.

I have been in North Carolina for the past week, sitting with Lulu, my son’s and fiancée’s dog. Lulu is injured; therefore, this is not the usual visit with vigorous play. Most of the time is spent keeping her calm. I leave Friday and hope to maintain iron intake to help me until I receive the infusions.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

What comes around

I have to babysit the LuLu (the dog) this week, and she has a significant issue with her rear left leg. A nail is split, and she will not stop licking it, and it appears to get worse. I have a great fear that something out of my control may happen when they are gone, and that will only increase Jordan’s hostility toward me.

As a parent of an adult child, I often face unexpected challenges. Nobody tells you that being a parent doesn’t end just because my child is in his mid-30s. My role and relationship change, though, and it can be tempting to fall back into parent mode when he is disrespectful. The sting of his rudeness and criticism for everything. For example, I have to eat in another room because I chew too loudly with my mouth closed. This, combined with frustration and disappointment, is emotionally exhausting.

Dealing with a disrespectful adult child is tough, but it’s common. I look for ways to manage the complex dynamics that come with my child growing up. I often wonder if I am the only one dealing with this, since Shelley’s and Sheila’s children are also that disrespectful.

I looked for advice on how to handle a disrespectful adult child. I need to learn how to address and manage this rude behavior. Every time I spend more than a few days with him, I tend to fall into severe depression. I have worked so hard and given everything I had to raise him. I don't know how to set healthy boundaries to improve our communication.

Navigating the challenges of a disrespectful adult child is difficult. I am unsure if I have the strength left to continue. Building a healthier, more respectful relationship with your adult children requires consistency, patience, and a commitment to personal growth. I do not know if he will ever understand that I have the same right to be treated with respect as he does. He is plain rude and doesn't seem to care for me.

I struggle to set boundaries because I agree to whatever he needs, even if it disrupts my life. Then, if I don't do it exactly as he expects, he becomes very critical and mean. I feel overwhelmed trying to manage a disrespectful adult child. I guess I'll accept the punishment and see it as his way of getting back at me for not keeping the family united and providing the home he wanted.

I am getting really concerned about my Iron and blood loss. Taking oral iron means constipation, and then I get bright red poop. I can’t get the physician to understand that it may be due to oral iron supplementation, which increases blood loss. I am finding it more challenging to breathe, very fatigued, waking with a headache, and dizzy. I do not have these issues when my iron is up! I truly believe the heart failure issue is iron-related.

Carry on my friends, Carry on!

Leaving again!

 It is December 2025 already! I am almost two years into retirement. Time is moving FAST! I have been traveling more in the second year. In fact, I have been home only 10 days since September 10, and I left today for 12 days.

I had initially planned to go to North Carolina to watch my son’s dob from December 3 through the 27th, while he and his fiancée were in New Zealand. I had confided in her my iron issues and asked her not to inform Jordan. I was hoping they could adjust the schedule so I could get back on time for infusions. She and I had a schedule that worked, and I adjusted the infusions one week to return on the 22nd instead of the 27th of December.

They called me a few days after we made the arrangement and said they cancelled the plans, and I only need to watch the dog from December 8 through 12. So we adjusted the flight to be December 3 through the 12th. I was surprised, but they made the choice.

On Sunday, my son texted me about my Iron issues.  Looks like she did not keep it confidential as requested! He is so busy and, like me, tends to over-worry. Since there is nothing he can do, I was not going to mention it. We both know worry is a useless emotion, getting wrapped up in emotions for something we have no control over or impact on. Now I will worry that he is worrying! So stupid, but that is our genetics.

For a week now, I have been weighing myself daily upon waking and diligently tracking nutrition. It is odd, even though I have averaged 40 minutes a date working out, my weight fluctuated between 306 and 310 pounds. I have had emotional ups and downs with the scale.  Tomorrow will be the last day I step on the scale until I return from North Carolina.

My mom seems to be getting worse. I called her and asked if she wanted me to pick her up for Christmas shopping. She said she did not want to go out, so I stayed in. She called an hour later and asked where I was. I told her she had declined my offer to pick her up, and she said she thought I was coming. While she seems fine with her normal routine, I wonder when her level of care will increase. The longer we wait, the better.

After I return for the infusions, I head to Nashville for 10 days to watch Shelley’s four grandkids with her. The parents are going to Cabo. When I return, I look forward to a few weeks of recharge. There may be a chance I will fly to North Carolina for two weeks in late January and February to babysit the dog, but I will see what their schedules require.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Success and Iron

There was a report of increased auroral activity (Northern Lights).  I have tried several times but failed each time. This time, I went out knowing the camera could see the colors before the eye could.  As I looked for a vibrant sky, I used my phone to preview the areas.  It was odd that the sky was so different in so many ways, yet only a few miles apart. I drove around for a few hours and took more than 100 photos; only a dozen were high quality. A few of those are below.

Since my iron infusions in August, I’ve been struggling with sleep, severe stomach pain, and a general feeling of being unwell for several months. I had scheduled an appointment with a hematologist to better understand the anemia, but it was months away. I met with the Hematologist last week. He asked if I had any concerning symptoms. I let him know there are several anemia health issues I deal with daily, and it makes it very difficult to exercise. Therefore, the weight is stable and not decreasing. I have the following isses daily:

• Fatigue and weakness: Feeling unusually tired, even after rest. 
• Shortness of breath is common, and inhalers are ineffective. I feel winded with light activity.
• Dizziness or lightheadedness: Anemia can reduce blood flow to the brain, leading to these symptoms. Twice in the last three months, I went totally blank and passed out. Luckily, I did not break anything or walk down the stairs when it happened. 
• My feet are always very cold!
• Chest pain
• Frequent infections
• Irritability
• Cravings for ice

He completed another blood test, and the numbers were well below the recommended minimums. Consequently, after receiving six infusions this year, he scheduled three more. That’s unfortunate! Since 2021, my iron levels have consistently been low.

• Iron 
• Has not been above 30 g/dL 
• 85% OF THE LOWEST & 16% OF THE HIGHEST RECOMMENDED LEVEL
• Normal is 35 to 180 g/dL
• Last week, the level was 20 g/dL - 57% of the lowest recommended level
• Iron Saturation
• Has not been above 8 percent 
• 40% OF THE LOWEST & 14% OF THE HIGHEST RECOMMENDED LEVEL
• Normal is 20 to 55 percent
• Last week, it was 6 percent - 30% of the lowest recommended level
• Hemoglobin
• Has not exceeded 13 g/dL
• 96% OF THE LOWEST & 74% OF THE HIGHEST RECOMMENDED LEVEL
• 13.5 to 17.5 g/dL is normal
• Last week, the level was 12.2 g/dL - 90% of the lowest recommended level
• Ferritin
• Has not been above 20 ng/ml 
• 76% OF THE LOWEST & 19% OF THE HIGHEST RECOMMENDED LEVEL
• Normal is 26 to 388 ng/ml
• Last week, the level was 20 0 ng/ml - 76% of the lowest recommended level

The alarming numbers are concerning because I believed we had identified the cause of the anemia. However, we are back to square one. I am losing blood somewhere, but I can’t pinpoint the source. I suspect it’s the stomach, as it has been painful intermittently for the past few months. I’ve been following the diet, but there hasn’t been much change in the pattern.

Last week, I started using Chronometer diligently. After a week, I was surprised to find that I’m supposedly getting an average of 160% of the required iron from my diet. I was also surprised to see that I’m getting less than 40 percent of the suggested potassium and 80 percent of the recommended calcium. It will be interesting to see what a month of diligent use reveals.

I am really sick of this long-standing issue. I am pleased I retired at 6,1, as at this rate, not sure life will allow me to enjoy activities I prefer unless we get this anemia under control.

Carry on my friends, carry on!