R.I.P. my hairy friend

My girlfriend called me yesterday while I was on a short vacation in Duluth. She informed me she had to make the decision to put Jackson, the best Golden Retriever I have ever known, down.  She needed to do it sooner than later.  Just like Annie before him, he was recently riddled with health issues in his old age (over 77 dog years).  For almost two months, his health diminished.  He had lost about 20 pounds and over 70% of his hair.  We had already been medicating him for a few months, as Shelley took him to the Vet yesterday (the day after Thanksgiving).  He was having trouble breathing and, at times, standing.

She was told she could medicate him and maybe receive a few months, but the quality of life was highly questionable. We've been in denial for a few weeks. This is not an easy decision, especially for her, as this is the best dog she ever had as a companion. 

Shelley had gained her new friend, Jackson, a very short time after her divorce, 11 years ago.  He was just over six months old when I met Shelley.  Those who know me know I tend not to allow myself to be close to dogs, as I know they should die well before me.  I know from my youth that people and dogs die, so I protect my heart.  I had a dog I loved as a child die, and I had six high school friends die between the ages of 14-19 years old.  Death is inevitable and painful unless you're the one who is dead.

Jackson was no ordinary dog.  He always looked at me with the highest admiration and sought my appreciation.  He really wanted to be my friend.  For years, I was reluctant to show my gratitude to him.  Then, after 5 years, he became my buddy.  The love and appreciation grew.  Over the past year, he was just as much my best pal as my girlfriend's pal.  So putting him down hurt, but nowhere near as much as it is for her.

When it came to attention, love and affection, and a steady flow of dropped food, Jackson knew that sticking by me was a win-win situation.  He greeted me every morning when I woke.  His old eyes just looked at me with affection.  He met me at the door each night when I came home from work.  We would go outside for a while, then inside to get a treat and a good scratch.   

When I was at my computer, he would lie down next to me and sometimes me his wet nose under my arm to seek affection, which I continuously gave with the highest appreciation for being a great pal!

When we went on a walk, he had a unique behavior. He would put his leash in his mouth so he did not bark. He always loved to eat grass! At times, I thought he was more like a cow than a dog. He was also a protector—well, kind of, as he barked hard at anyone he did not know but then immediately became mush if challenged.

You see, all dogs are different.  I know Jackson was exceptional.  Even the same breed would undoubtedly have distinct personalities, quirks, and abilities.  Annie, my girlfriend's older Golden Retriever, was not the same.  I never grew attached to Annie, as she did not care if I liked her.  But Jackson wanted to be my best friend.  He never gave up, and now I feel the pain of the loss of a dog.  One I never wanted to experience again after my first experience at a young age.  I will get through this, I know.

I worry about my girlfriend.  She is really struck with grief.  I typically minimize the grief from pet loss, although I have read quite a bit as my own father once had more grief from pet loss than I understood.  I once thought if I died, my father would have fewer issues than if the dog died.

When we returned from Duluth, my son tried to get my girlfriend to smile, and he succeeded. This was a blessing to her—more than he will know. He made a snow dog for the front yard as a memorial.

Making the dog

Scratching the ear

In the mid-1980s, I never understood the heartfelt pains of a pet's loss. In fact, I thought it was a worthless emotion. My father caused this by kicking me out of the house when I let the dog out, and he ran away. He cared more for that dog than his children or his wife.

In 1989, I read a report where grief expert Kenneth Doka wrote pet loss (like perinatal death and induced abortion) was "disenfranchised grief."  This means a griever's relationship with the deceased, and therefore, the griever's grief, is not sufficiently recognized by other people. Pets, unlike people, are not publicly mourned, which means that grievers don't get the social support they need to recover.

I also read that pets are suitable for people and good for couples.  A 1995 study of couples' day-to-day interactions found "…couples with dogs had greater well-being, and those with the highest attachment to their dogs — and who confide in them — fared the best. Interestingly, talking to dogs — in addition to one's spouse — was related to greater life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and physical and emotional health. Confiding in pets to 'discuss' difficult life situations greatly relieved stress."

A 2002 study measured the cardiovascular changes of 120 married couples while they performed two stressful tasks: "5 minutes of rapid serial subtraction by steps of three from a four-digit number" and a 2-minute hand bath in ice water. The study found that participants had lower heart rates and blood pressure when performing these tasks in front of their pets than in front of their spouses.

Pets, the authors suggest, offer unconditional support under duress, with no judgments. "While the idea of a pet as social support may appear to some as a peculiar notion, our participants' responses to stress combined with their descriptions of the meaning of pets in their lives suggest to us that social support can indeed cross species."

Digging into this research has helped me understand the value of having a dog and more fully appreciate the bond I had — and apparently still have — with the one I lost.

One question remains: How long do you wait after one dog dies before doing it again? Or is it better not to do it again? We can now leave for days, but who cares? We can go on a whim and not worry about dog care. There are benefits both ways.

I often wonder, for others, if you get the same kind of dog, is it comforting to have a similar set of dog traits in your life once again, or instead, just unfortunate?  I do not know, but I do know one thing.  I never wanted to become so attached to a dog as the loss, I know all too well, hurts.  Jackson was special.  Very, Very special.  He pulled me in and had affection for me.  He was happy to see me each day.  I will miss him very, very much.

RIP my friend, RIP!  You and Annie have a good ole time!

Christmas List

If you have read this blog, you may have come across my typical late November post about what I want for Christmas.  I would list several things, and typically, I would get one or two each year.  Then, one week before Christmas, I would edit the post and remove the items.  Some think that is mean, others never knew it was there, while some think I should just tell them what I want.  But what about gifts at Christmas?

It is easier to imagine celebrating Christmas in the modern world if you think about giving gifts. But, have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do we give gifts at Christmas?” In some ways, the tradition of giving gifts at Christmas is very ancient. In other ways, giving gifts at Christmas is a relatively new development.

In the Christian religion, the practice of giving gifts at Christmas is traced back to the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh that were given to the Christ child by the three Magi. The magi were kings from the East, wise men who traveled a great distance following a star to find Christ's child and bring him gifts. The visit of the Magi to the Christ child was initially celebrated on the Feast of Epiphany on January 6th.

Over time, giving gifts became more associated with Christmas than with Epiphany. In the Church calendar, the period from Christmas to Epiphany—from December 25th through January 6th—is recognized as the “twelve days of Christmas” from the old Christmas carol.

Indeed, the ancient Church did not “celebrate” Christmas as much as it “observed” Christmas as a holy day. It wasn’t until the modern era that giving gifts to loved ones at Christmas became increasingly popular as the Middle Ages ended and the modern era began. Various countries and peoples began to make gift-giving a regular part of the holy day (or “holiday”) over some time. By the time the Americas were settled, giving gifts at Christmas was practiced by many of the settlers. The early Dutch settlers to America introduced St. Nicholas, or Santa Claus, to the new world. In contrast, the early French and English settlers were more likely to give gifts at New Year’s or Epiphany.

Ultimately, a shared Christmas culture developed in which gifts were given on Christmas. In the nineteenth century, gift-giving took on new dimensions, as the works of O. Henry, Charles Dickens, and Thomas Nast helped shape our concepts of Santa Claus and other aspects of the holiday.

Today, we all give gifts at Christmas for our own reasons. For some, it is a way to celebrate the Christian holy day. For others, it is a special time to let family and friends know you care by giving gifts. At times, giving gifts at Christmas becomes almost mechanical and a chore; when this happens, it is worth stepping aside for a few moments to consider why you give gifts at Christmas.

So what good is it to tell someone what you want for Christmas? I believe Christmas is not about gifts but sharing human love and friendship. I recently went to visit my father, and when I left to return home, I told my sister that if he dies tomorrow, at least I know he will die happy. Giving another human happiness is much more than any gift you can purchase, and it is not easy.

Each year, I become more troubled about this tradition.  This year, I need something on my Christmas list you can purchase.  Here is what I want:

• My father to find peace with all the things he regrets
• Addie Grey to find happiness and stability
• Get back on track emotionally and physically
• After having two children, my niece finds a promising future and then has a worthless father.
• My Girlfriend’s daughter to be safe as she prepared for her first child
• For people to smile and help a neighbor shovel the driveway 

You get the drift.  Be kind to all you meet and yourself.

Carry on, my friends, carry on…

When enough is enough

Once upon a time, I was healthy. There was a time when I lacked the energy to get through the day when sleep came easy, and I was always well-rested. Sadness was never in my soul. That was replaced with a time when everyone was being told, with all the commercials touting energy drinks for America’s tired masses, that I was happy I was not the one suffering. Now I am!

That was a time when I never dreaded the coming cold and flu season.  This was a time when it appeared everyone but me developed some degree of germophobia.  But then came the two six letter words into my life.  Once they enter you soul, it is hard to stop.  One is that wonderful white substance that once you have it, it is hard not to crave more!  The other is moving up in a career and complexities in life create emotions that impact the body greatly.  If you have not guessed, it is SUGARS and STRESS.

Looking back at my life and diet when I ran a little over three hour marathons, I was never tired and never was ill.  I was trying to compare that era to now. 

My job was simple, come in, do a task, go home.  It was a job that you could never be behind and carry the work home.  I never had to monitor people or have a job that was at risk.  I had little overall responsibility for anything but myself.   I ate very little, if any processed sugar.  In fact, I never had a craving.

I came to this conclusion I have been denying when I, for the hundredth time, hear some disturbing new information about the effects of sugar. Several experts have scientific evidence that sugar is the thing that is making so many Americans fat and sick. The more I thought about it the more this makes sense to me — a lot of sense. One in seven Americans has metabolic syndrome.  I recently learned that a metabolic syndrome drastically impacts sleep as well.  Those who know me know I have major sleep issues.  On top of this, one in three Americans is obese. The rate of diabetes is skyrocketing and cardiovascular disease is America’s number one killer.

According to many theories, all of these maladies and more can be traced back to one large toxic presence in our diet… sugar.

So today is my quest to no longer eat foods that contain added sugar.  Yep, it will be hard but I want to cut out anything with an added sweetener, be it table sugar, honey, molasses, maple syrup, agave or fruit juice.  I will exclude anything made with fake sugar or sugar alcohols. Unless the sweetness was attached to its original source (e.g., a piece of fruit), I will avoid it, and this will be difficult.

I mean we find sugar in the most amazing places: tortillas, sausages, chicken broth, salad dressing, cold cuts, crackers, mayonnaise, bacon, bread, and even baby food. I ask, “Why add all of this sugar”?  I read it is to make these items more palatable, add shelf life, and make packaged food production ever cheaper.  Again, whatever the wealthy greed needs to increase the investment income.

Call me crazy, but I see the benefits avoiding added sugar for a year have done for my girlfriend.  She went from not being able to run to doing biathlons.  Before she went sugarless, that struck me as a grand adventure for her.

So I am going to try.  No, I am going to rid my body of processed sugar and unnecessary salts.  I know how hard it will be, what interesting things could happen, how my cooking and shopping could change. After continuing my research, I was convinced removing sugar would make me healthier. For my girlfriend, not eating sugar makes her feel better in a real and tangible way.  I want what she has and no diet or pill will get it for me.  I believe the devil is in the sugar.  I am willing to try.  Although, I am told that it will take up to six month to feel the real benefits.

I anticipate the longer I go without sugar, the better and more energetic I should feel.  I will eventually surrender to the sugar craves, but I have a goal of understanding and not falling way off the wagon.  So I have a rule, more than an allowance to rid of guilt when I have sugar.  I could have one actual sugar-containing dessert per month. I expect with a few months, I will notice my palate to change, and slowly, I will enjoy the monthly “treat” less and less.

I recall when I was primarily sugar free and I was given my favorite pie, COCONUT CREAM PIE.  I recalled when I ate the decadent multi-layered coconut cream, I recall not only did I not enjoy my slice of pie as much as when I regularly indulged in sugar; I would not even finish it.  Right now in my life, I not only finish it, but I crave the whole damb pie and may even eat a second if it was in the house.  My girlfriend tells me how eating heavy sugar actually makes her teeth hurt her head would begin to pound.  Her heart would begin to race and she felt awful.  She tells me “I know now it was sugar that always made me feel bad, but because it was everywhere, I just never noticed it before?”

I think I will try to rid me of one of the six letter words I gained.  I expect my body will be thanking me for it. If my guess is right, I won’t worry about running out of energy. And when flu season comes around I will no longer feel the urge to go and hide under the bed.  I think I will feel less depressed.  I will get sick less and get well faster. If my guess is right, this will be nothing to sneeze at when everyone. 

I have been reading the book Salt Sugar and Fat.  I have come to realize I am the person to blame for my health, but food processing companied sure does not make it easy.  It is all part of the stock owners greed to take whatever steps you can to make them more money.  For that, they need to make me want is more.  It is a mind-altering drug and it is legal. 

Wish me well my friends. 

Carry on my friends, carry on…