I have let this opportunity slip. Writing makes life better! I beige that statement! It’s been three years, and life is not getting better. I hated that most of the stuff I wrote was complaining. I try to be positive!
Those who know me know I have dedicated my life to raising my son. Not now that my son is 27, he criticizes me for being who I am. He will only answer his phone if he needs something, and he becomes more distant if I am not there in an instant. He is secretive and is not close to anyone. He is successful, has an income greater than mine, and works hard. I get so sad knowing I gave up half my life and most of my adult life trying to do the right thing. I guess I failed?
In the past few years, I have known several fathers my age who committed suicide. I am not nearing taking that action, although I often wish illness or other action could remove me from the earth. I'm just tired and have no one to care. Work is the only thing that keeps me going, and I hate going to the office!!! I work over 50 hours a week. My body is so sore I have difficulty doing anything I love. I also do everything possible, and I seem to be gaining weight. I am well over 300 pounds!!! Just frustrating!
Well, today, my girlfriend was out of town dealing with her mother, who has Alzheimer’s. I woke at 5:00 AM. I relaxed a little before taking the dog for a bike ride, about 2 miles. At 7:30, I left to help Erik and Allison build their patio. I took the dog with me so he did not have to be locked in the house. It was 11:00 AM when the rain started hard. By 1:00, we called it a day.
I went to IKEA and picked up a shelf, and I spent much of the rest of the day setting it up and cleaning it. At 8 p.m., I took the dog for a bike ride before calling it a day. It was just another day—not a happy day!
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