RIP my dear pal, Porter

I have never been a dog lover.  I do not hate dogs, either.  That is primarily because I loved my dog as a young boy.  Gave me security and hope.  The dog would protect me.  When I was about 11, he died; it was the first time I felt the pain of losing something close.  For the rest of my youth, I never wanted a dog because I knew they would likely die before I did, and I didn't want to experience that feeling again. 

My father did have dogs.  He loved his dogs dearly, and when one passed, he replaced the pet immediately.  One day, I let my father's dogs out of the house to relieve themselves, and one ran away.  I could not find them and had to return to class (I was a Sophomore at North Dakota State University).  When my father got home and saw the note, I assumed he was mad, as he had left a message on the answering machine that I was no longer supposed to return to the house.  He did find the dog later that night, but we never spoke.  He was angry!  I then realized he loved his dogs more than his children or wife.  I thought that in the past, but this solidified that fact.  That was painful as well.  So I had known the love for a dog, and the pain that the love for a dog replaced the love for my father's children.

 

Later that week, my sister told my father she was engaged to an African American.  He basically told her to leave and never come back.  The relationship is very torn.  I told my mother I was going to give her away at the wedding, and my father told her I was not his son anymore and never to talk to me again.  That is another story – we spoke about 5 years later.

 

Back to dogs.  I always took care of dogs.  Unlike the cats on the farm, I always felt dogs were unfortunate animals that were not typically self-sufficient.  So, my heart and soul always went into parenting mode with dogs.  There is a need to care for those in need and show kindness.  But never getting attached.  That was the same for my girlfriend of nearly 20 years.  When we met, we had the older dog Annie (Golden Retriever), who was joined by Jackson (Golden Retriever) for some time.  Jackson was young when I met him.  I grew attached, but not close enough to feel pain.  

 

So, my attachment to a pet was still classified as neutral in my mind.  Recently, my heart has changed.

 

Within months of Jackson's passing ( Fall of 2014), Shelley added Porter to the mix (April 2015).  Porter was a male golden retriever.  She thought Porter would be her last dog as she anticipated he would be about 67 years old when he passed (assuming he was 12-13).  Porter was a good pup who was really drawn to me.  

Porter grew on me.  He knew my scent, and when I was a block away riding my bike home, he would jump up in excitement to greet me.  I would take him on rides with my bicycle, and he obeyed stop, start, go left, go right as we cruised the neighborhood at 10 miles per hour or more.  

 

Most nights, he preferred to sleep as close to me.  When I was not feeling well, he stayed near me.  When I left to visit my son, Shelley would send pictures, and it was clear he was depressed.  When I returned, it was always with fanfare beyond anything I had seen.  Porter was, indeed, a GREAT friend and a comfort to me! 

 

About 4 weeks ago, Porter was very ill.  He had tumors and growths that were not operable, and he was in bad shape.   We had to make that decision at 8.5 years of life, which would be a whole life for Porter.  I was devastated.  I was losing a part of me.  It hurt!

While I still could not forgive my father, maybe I now understand his love for his dogs.  My dad passed away in May, and that is another entry for a later date.  We never mended the past, and now we never will.   

I wrote a song about Porter - it is called When Dogs Die Do They Go to heaven - Lyrics are:

The sun sets another golden day

Memories linger every waking day

We were close; my faithful friend

Never wanting the bond to end

With tear-filled eyes, I said goodbye.

Underneath the painted twilight sky

Your tail wagged one last time, so gentle and kind

Leaving paw prints forever on my mind

When dogs die, do they go to heaven

Do they run free where angels play

Chasing dreams in fields of clover

Left me with pain when their life is over

With the quiet night, I feel his soul

Empty house feeling you’ll never know

His spirit lives great deep in my heart

You were the perfect mate right from the start

I see your eyes in the morning dew

A sign from above, a bond so true

Heaven gained another angel of the night

Guide me with your eternal light

When dogs die, do they go to heaven

Do they run free where angels play

Chasing dreams in fields of clover

Left me with pain when their life is over

When dogs die, do they go to heaven

Do they run free where angels play

Chasing dreams in fields of clover

Left me with pain when their life is over

RIP Porter.  RIP, my dear friend!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Erik's Bike shop experience, twice now

I should have known better! This is not my first time having issues with Erik’s Bike Shop. The last time I had terrible customer service and issues was about 20 years ago when I got my son his first bike. So I had hoped they would improve, but they have not. So here I sit with a $3,400 bike and have only been able to ride it 11 days this year and 8 weeks in the shop.

Last year, I wanted to replace my 8-year-old e-bike (Surly Long Haul Trucker with a Bionx D-500 kit). That bike has over 10,000 miles on it with only minor repairs.  I also have a Juiced Bike RipCurrent S and a RAD Mission.  Being a heavier rider, I have always been cautious about the spoke strength.  On June 7, 2022, I went to Erik’s Bike Shop in Eagan, where they had a sale.  There, I found the Diamondback Current (https://www.diamondback.com/current-4661), which was on sale for $3,450. 

 

Before I purchased the bike, I spoke at length with the sales staff about my concerns over my size, strength, and fear of spoke breaks.  I explained that 20 years ago, I started focusing on the spoke strength as I had issues with breaks and sought a beefier wheel.  In four of my last five bikes, there have been no problems with the spokes.  The only issue I've had is that I built a custom wheel and have had no issues since.  This wheel looked similar to the one I had problems with, and I had a rebuilt wheel completed.   The salesman said, “A properly tensioned wheel will not be an issue.” I asked again, and a second time, he said it was not an issue. So, I trusted the statements and purchased the bike.

Since my Bionx was still working well, I rode the Diamondback less than 300 miles the first year.  Then, in April of 2023, I started riding the Diamondback more.  After about 400 miles, I noticed a spoke had broken at the hub.  Since I was away on vacation, I had the spoke replaced, but could only ride 2 of my 7 planned vacation days!  I came home, rode about another 100 miles, and spoke broken.  That was four commutes to work on paved trails and no rough patches. So I took it to Eric’s, and over 24 days later, I got it back.  

 

I rode it less than 150 miles (6 bike commutes) and another spoke broke.  On June 20, I took it back to Erik’s, expressing my disappointment about the spokes and suggesting a stronger wheel.  I was told they would call me “tomorrow” with options.  On June 23 (days later), I got a call and expressed my issues and concerns, just like when I bought it.  He suggested installing stronger spokes and said the bike should be ready on July 5.  I told them I would hope to have it for my trip out of town starting on the 8th.  I called on July 5 and was informed that the rim can handle more oversized spokes. I have also suggested a new wheel (over $225 fixed).  I told them I was leaving on vacation and wanted to take the bike.  He said it should be done on July 12, but not before I leave. 

 

Frustratedly, I accepted the staff’s statements and hoped to have the bike when I returned.  Since I had not heard from them, I called them on July 16 and was informed they expected to have it ready on July 24.  The bike has been in the shop for over two months, and I've ridden it just 11 days this year.  

  

My moral is not to trust Erik’s Bike Shop staff. I’m not sure how they stay in business. I have found that my bike knowledge may exceed their staff (who I think are more concerned with making a sale than listening to a customer’s concerns), and when I expressed concerns based on my knowledge, they said there was no issue.

 

Carry on, my friends, carry on.

The older you get, the stranger the message

 As previously posted, my place of employment has become EXTREMELY TOXIC.  The new Administration is much like a clique in high school.  Some are the chosen ones, the targets, and those in the middle to do as little as possible and only as told, so as not to be noticed.  

We are treated based on the Director's attitude rather than equality and fairness.  I am not a favorite, and my physician states that I need to reduce stress, or I may not have a retirement year.  I have been great, but I am concerned about heart issues with all the pressure and abuse from the leadership.  As with most medical problems, the delay in getting a full review is crazy.  They think a follow-up echocardiogram is essential, but they can only get in in July!

Another stressful reality is that everyone in the office was friendly and enjoyed being together; the Administration has created an environment where it is best to shut up, do your work, and leave.  I recently had one employee I saw in the parking lot, and I said, "Been a while."  They apologized, explaining that they knew the Director hated me and was particularly harsh with those who considered me a friend.  So they go out of their way to avoid me.  Again, they are concerned that they will face repercussions if the Director sees them talking to me.  In fact, they created an acronym, "WOK," and say avoiding the WOK should be the most important goal.

I am at a point where I know that the longer I stay, the longer the Administration will be unhappy, but I will wait to see if I am forced out, as some others have been.  I have already hired a legal counsel and have documented everything well in case the Director decides to take action against me.  I need to eliminate my healthcare coverage concerns before retiring next spring.

Over the past few years, I came to my office, and books were placed on my deck.  Some are like "five years before you retire" or "how to retire early.  I take this as a subtle message to leave.  Then, I found the book below.  What a message.  How can I distinguish between a threat from a friend and friendly advice from the Director?  Either way, it's inappropriate, but I now have it on my desk.  The one who put it there may put it back.

Then, a few weeks ago, I came to work, and the book below was on my chair.  I know this was not from the Director, but who was the Secret Santa?  I'm unsure what to make of the messages.

In other news, age makes it harder to do things that were EASY in the past.  This past weekend, I changed the tire on my bicycle.  After destroying three tubes trying to get the tire mounted, I gave up and paid a bike shop not to do it.  I still quickly changed the sprocket and chain, but the tire change was nearly impossible to accomplish.  I think my age has weakened my ability to repair the tire.

I am upgrading my photo-taking and processing system as I prepare for retirement.  I have the 2016 IMac that I have used for post-processing photography, which has slowed down.  So, I took the plunge and purchased the Mc Studio.  WOW, what a difference.  On the 2016 IMac, loading Photoshop or Lightroom takes well over 30 seconds.  My Mac Studio is under 10 seconds, and post-processing photos is a blink now.  In addition, there are no delays in processing.

I am not going to upgrade the cameras.  My two Nikon D810s and my D600 are still my go-to cameras, and they do a great job, so I am not grading.  In the coming months, I may share more photos; only time will tell.  As I age, I realize time is not infinite.

Carry on, my friends, carry on. 

Tagged by google

I received an email from Google about a post from 2008.  It was tagged as inappropriate as the header was dirty girls.  It was about the gaters used by many ultra runners.  I changed the header, and they released it.  It can be viewed here:  http://runlondell.blogspot.com/2008/09/dirty-girls.html 

That was the highlight of the week.  I have been spending a great deal of time reviewing my retirement options.  As I had reported before, the work environment is at a high level of toxicity.  One supervisor seems to go out of their way to make employees, including me, feel terrible.  Is it an effort to get us to leave?  The only positive thing about going to work and doing my best is that I know it irritates those who created the toxic environment.  It's as if the world is like that now; you can say whatever you want, as long as I agree.  Say anything else and risk ridicule, threats, or persecution.  It's all too bad, but it is a reality.

I have slowly bounced back from low Iron.  I no longer have a strong desire to chew ice, but I still have shortness of breath and fatigue.  It is a six-month path with oral supplements as the insurance will not cover the injectafer treatments, which were successful in 2017 and again in 2019 when I was low.  The follow-up is July 19.

I have been riding a little more.  Since January, the rides have seemed so HARD.  A few days ago, I found the relative intensity setting on my software (Rouvy) was set at 150%!  That explains why I questioned my conditioning going down the drain so fast.  I took a ride yesterday at the 100% setting, and it was gratifying; I didn't feel like I was dying.

I recently got my first SUPER photo of a bird.  A Cooper Hawk was just hanging around in the neighborhood, and I managed to get some pictures without scaring it away.  A sample is below:

I will close with a good joke I heard.  A comb was the best gift for a bald man because he could never part with it!

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

I hope I live to retire

I have been struggling for a few years now. While this may not be the place to vent, writing my thoughts to stay sane is best! Most of my issues have been related to my employment stress. I have less than a year to get to the point where I can retire. I need to hold out a little longer!

My work environment has become so toxic that it impacts the entire team. Well, not the whole team, but a majority of them. It has reached a point where we cannot mention the name of a previous staff member the Director dislikes or who faces petty treatment. It has reached a point where the staff has created acronyms to prevent the superior from understanding our discussions.

We can't do our jobs as if we upset someone with "connections."  Otherwise, the superiors will take the blame for the site's connection issues and immediately blame the staff.  We are instructed not to take action, even when we are aware of a problem.  I had one case before the "Feeding the Children" fraud was discovered; staff were ordered to fast-track an application to allow the favored individual to continue the alleged outstanding service to the children in the community.  Most team members knew it was a fraud from the start, but the head of the Department ordered a supportive approach.  Two weeks before the State detected the scam, it was approved.  Once the arrests started, we never heard from the applicant again.

I take pride in my job, which is now a rare trait for the team. People are in it for the money; they rarely care about what they do. Many have told me to check out and make easy money for the year I must retire. I can't do it, but I am concerned it will kill me if I do not.

Where to go and what to do!!!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Over 3,000 miles and Anemia

First, I was thrilled to have biked over 3,000 miles in 2022 for the first time in years.  It was hard, and the last few months were tough.  Now I know why.  After three frustrating years ending just before COVID, I felt normal again.  It was 2017 when I was hospitalized and diagnosed with the following:

• Deep vein thrombosis – both legs

• Multiple Pulmonary Embolisms—I asked what that meant, and the Doctor said it was more than they could count.

• Eosinophilic esophagitis (Minor)

• Angioectasias—I learned that Angioectasias are aberrant blood vessels found within the gastrointestinal lumen. They are a common source of obscure gastrointestinal bleeding and are acquired lesions compared with other vascular lesions of the gastrointestinal tract.

• Iron deficiency anemia due to chronic blood loss (definitely in the stomach and intestines)

• Drug-induced autoimmune hemolytic anemia

• Hiatal Hernia: The diaphragm is a large, dome-shaped muscle that separates your chest cavity from your abdomen. Usually, your esophagus passes into your stomach through an opening in the diaphragm called the hiatus.  Hiatal hernias occur when the muscle tissue surrounding this opening weakens, and the upper part of your stomach bulges up through the diaphragm into your chest cavity.  It's not always clear why this happens, but pressure on the stomach and age-related changes in the diaphragm may contribute to the formation of a hiatal hernia. 

In late 2021, I started to feel a little off. I had fatigue, difficulty sleeping, wanted to chew ice, and many other oddities. It was COVID-19, so I got it checked out. By October 2022, I was really struggling. I was motivated, but my body did not want to respond. Since I didn't use any of my deductibles, I waited until 2023 for a check-up.  

The first Doctor I saw was the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist, as I have had a raspy voice since June 2022. He was very concerned with my wheezing and immediately looked at my asthma issues. He wanted to put me on Dupixent, which is a very costly injection. I didn't think my asthma was severe, but based on the South, I could see why that would be a concern.

I then went to my clinic for a check-up and found my anemia was back in full strength.  This is a primary underlying reason for the breathing issues in my mind.  Below is a table of crucial anemia indicators from when in the hospital (2017), when I felt pretty good (2020), and Friday the 13th, 2023.

What (recommended)	2017	2020	2023
Iron (35-180)	18	62	26
Iron saturation (20-55%)	6%	17%	7%
Hemoglobin (13.5-17.5)	7.8	14.6	11.1
Ferrittin (26-388)	8	60	10
Hematocrit (37-53%)	29.80%	46&	36%
MCV (80-100)	61	84	68
RDW (11.5-15.5%)	27.$%	14.10%	22.70%

I do not have an answer, nor do I understand why.  I assume I will be back to the infusion cycle, which is what I needed to increase the past numbers.  

On a better note, I got out with the camera on one of the season's coldest days.  Some pictures are below.

I will pray for a healthier 2023 to ensure a healthy 2024.  It is then, if not before, that I will retire.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!!!

Are apple and oranges really opposite?

People say you compare apples and oranges when they think my analogies are way off base.  However, are apples and oranges that much different?  They’re both fruits.  They’re both rounds.  They both have a slightly tangy taste.  Both have similar fluid content.  They’re about the same size.  And they both grow on trees.  Therefore, one could argue that the old saying is not a good analogy at all?

Recently, this statement has been used when talking about weight loss.  For my whole life, I battled my weight.  For the first six months of 2022, I focused on whole and natural foods, exercise, cutting out sugar, and avoiding processed food.  I have lost 14 pounds.  It does not matter what I eat; if I do not work out for hours each day, losing weight seems unattainable, unlike my brother, who never had any issue with weight.  He could eat three times as much as I do and never gain the tire in the middle.  I will never understand it?  I have read every theory possible, and I need clarification.  Is it time to seek help?

But what is help?  Do I see a nutritionist?  Do I know an expert on metabolism?  Do I see a medical Doctor?  Do I see a therapist?  Tried a nutritionist before, and she said I was one of the healthiest eaters she had ever reviewed.  Yet my weight increased by 2,000 to 2,400 calories a day.

Everyone agrees that the formula for weight loss is to eat less and exercise more, and that a calorie deficit is necessary to lose weight.  That was true when I was younger, but not now!  I think my metabolism is being destroyed; it’s more complex.

Metabolism is an adaptive mechanism; for some, we have trained our bodies to run off less fuel.  This is due to inconsistent meals that require better balance and improved nutrition.  I complain that I feel tired, have low energy, can’t sleep well, have hunger and cravings, and can’t lose weight.

I know people do Keto, low carb, fasting, or they do some drastic thing to try to get out of that holiday sugar rush that they feel like they have because they feel so gross and disgusting from the holidays.  And so they do this like a pendulum swing.  That’s the worst thing that results when we sort of swing back and forth between extremes.

That’s not healthy either, and your metabolism hates that.  It doesn’t make you feel good.  What are the best options?  Can you do a shake program for the rest of your life?  Can you do Whole 30 for the rest of your life?  Can you do Paleo for the rest of your life?  Can you do Keto for the rest of your life?  Most of us think I can’t wait to get off this to eat my favorite food. 

Many people on social media preach protein and strength training, which I often see on my Instagram or in weight loss classes.  So, I need clarification.

I will conduct research to determine the best option.  It may confuse me, as weight loss programs are like comparing apples and oranges!

Carry on, my friends, carry on.

PRIM

It is December 31, 2021

Here we are at the end of the year, and WHAT A YEAR.  Who would have thought I would experience a deadlier pandemic than the Spanish Flu in my lifetime.  But I did, and so did you if you read this post.  The COVID-19 pandemic has become the deadliest disease event in American history, with a death toll surpassing the 1918 Spanish flu.  The Spanish Flu was previously the disease event that caused the most significant loss of life in the United States; the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 675,000 Americans died during the 1918 pandemic in waves of illness that stretched out roughly two years in this country.  So we are nearing two full years into COVID!  As of today, 5,452,900 worldwide deaths.

So I again say, what a year.  We thought we would see the end of the pandemic.  Well, not exactly.  Just when we thought the thing was ending … hello Omicron!  I hope you have come through it OK so far and can keep safe as we move forward.  This is depressing, so let me change the subject. 

Politics!  This has been a year unlike any I have ever experienced.  My friends say that all news media are lying; they trust Twitter and Facebook more.  I had friends, well past friends, who would not talk to me anymore and have gone so far as to try to disrupt my life because I would not believe their position.  What happened to respect and to listen?  I struggle to accept the stupidity I witnessed in 2021.  For example, some people are shown in the Daily Show Jordan Klepper series.  See it below. In some ways, this is just entertainment; people will call it lies.

I decided to run a test while out in public.  I would ask questions like, "Can you name the Avengers?" I typically received four to six items without hesitation.  Then I ask, "How many presidents can you name?" I was surprised that none of the under-35 individuals could name more presidents than Avengers.  I even asked a co-worker if they supported Richard Cater, Bill Obama, or Barack Clinton as President.  I had two of seven correct me.  One stated that Carter was outstanding, but the other two were not Americans and shouldn't have been presidents.  I asked how many State capitals they could name.  One did not know the Capital of Minnesota.  A random person I spoke with while waiting in line at Target.

I wish I were kidding.  I need to gain faith in the general intelligence levels I encounter.  Or is it that I am the one who is now keeping up with the current trends and needs to gain knowledge of events today?  Like those on Facebook?  How can I respond to this?  And then I hear people saying storming the Capitol is free speech.  Where will it end?  I also had people criticize me for getting the vaccine and putting unknown and unproven medicine in my body.  All while they eat their Cheetos and Taco Bell and drink Mountain Dew?  Imagine what is really in those products?  As my grandfather once said, you can't control stupidity! 

Well, those were two depressing discussion points? What could be a positive discussion? 

I've ditched Zwift and now use Rouvy for my indoor rides.  There is much more variety and much less crowded.  I have been indoors for five weeks (no outdoor riding in the snow).  Cycling is a low-impact aerobic activity that can benefit a person's health and fitness.  It is a valuable exercise that many people can incorporate into their daily lives as a mode of transport, an everyday activity, or a competitive sport.  It is a popular physical activity that is relatively easy to start and suitable for most fitness levels.

I averaged just under five rides a week, ranging from 6 to 20 miles per ride. I linked it to my Strava; a sample ride can be seen here. Unfortunately, most of my activities in Strava are not public, so the general public cannot view all rides. I know the regular workouts are hard, and I feel better. Here is to continuing into 2020.   

I will get some additional exercise in the next two weeks. We had a massive tree fall and just missed the house. It must have been earlier this week when we had 50 MPH winds. I will not do any cutting tomorrow as the temperatures are forecast to be -6 as a high and -20 as a low.

I really need to get back into Photography. Work has decreased to about 48 hours a week over the past three months, down from the 60+ hours I have experienced over the past few years. I am finding ways to balance this more, especially as I am over two years from retiring. I continue to pray I make it to retirement, but with the pandemic and stress, we never know.

Enough ranting and typing without word continuity.  Overall, hope you are healthy and alive.  We can get through this someday.  Happy NEW YEAR!

Carry on, my friends, carry on...