Why is it that when everything seems perfect in the eyes of others, I fear it all going away? Is this an illness? I do not know.
What I do know is that the younger generation is self-centered. I have a late 20s child who makes me feel so bad about myself; I think about how nice it would be if I were not on Earth. While I doubt I would end my life, this self-centered 20-something makes me strongly consider jumping off a bridge. When I ride my bike across the long bridge to work, how much better life would be if I jumped.
As I have said so often, I have had at least 20 people I know commit suicide in the past few years. One was probably caused by the lack of care from the 20-something kids and his wife seeking a divorce. I hear about how much they are hurt about his taking his life, yet I know when he was here, they had little care and were not all that nice to him. So when we are here, they could care less about us but are sad when we are gone. Figures, this is just that generation. Self-centered with the expectations of others they would never meet.
Like my child, I will call or text, and maybe he will answer. Or maybe ignore it for days. I may not hear back for weeks or several calls and texts. But then, he tried calling me like that, and I was not in the office. So, after a few efforts to call (less than 30 minutes), he proceeded to do something that resulted in a significant issue. He shouldn't have done what he did. However, when I reached him, he used profane language about how he had broken something and that it was my fault for not answering the phone. Really, can you believe that he scolded me for his mistake? For the first time in my life, he made me feel so bad I left work for the day and gave serious consideration to ending my life. Fortunately, I am strong, but I fear if this nearly commonplace disrespect from the one I gave so much for continues, he may drive me to the brink!
Enough of that, as I am getting set for a trip next week. It should be good, but I don't know. I am driving a lot, and I am tired. It has been over a month since I have weighed myself. I'm trying hard to lose weight, but with the negative way my child makes me feel, I do not want to risk the compiling of negative feelings.
