Thursday, February 19, 2009

I am back, I am tired...

I have wrapped up my trip visiting see my son in Germany, returned to Minnesota and now I need to get back on a proper sleeping schedule. It was only 8 weeks ago when I last saw him, although when he comes home he has so many friends and relatives in Minnesota, I saw him a little in comparison to this trip.

In Germany, it was just us sharing fun times and laughs… all but one day when Christiana, a girl he is dating, joined us. She is a sweet girl. Neither overly happy nor sad. She is a beautiful 18-year-old German girl who has a great smile, but seldom smiles. Sort of what I noticed about the populace of Germany as well. No one seems overly happy. No one look worn out or tired either. When we went the many places and restaurants, they were talking like crazy but few smiles or laughs with that conversation. I am not sure I heard more than a person laugh once a day, except my son and me… That includes everywhere in the city I visited… Strange for see or me not hearing many laughs around me at all despair of a hard life? In the United States, it is easy to find that spectrum. Everywhere I saw people who were just there in life, at least as I define it. They looked healthy, very healthy. So few smiles?

Anyway, I had a hard departure from Germany. Not hard in the sense that I was detained, the flight… but emotionally… I cried… For some reason it is hard leaving my son in Germany knowing it will be at least 6 months before I see him again. Harder than all the times we parted before. Why? Maybe it was we had a great time… We had such a great time. It has been years, since he got his drivers license, that we really just hung out and had tons of fun! I think the tears were more that I see the realization; I have raised a fine young man… A man who is independent, smart, able to handle so much diversity and still be a respectful, hard working human being…

So there I was, a 46 year old male, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears on the train on the way to the airport and on the airplane… But even though he has matured so well… I still worry about him like any parent has concerns for their child. Worried about him being so far away. Worried about his relationship with Christiana. Although, she is a wonderful person, relationships begin and end. I worry what happens if it ends? How can I console him when he is just less than 5,000 miles away? But I remember, from my first “real” relationship, it is painful.

Still to this day I recall it well and what it feels like. That first "real" love… That one you thought was the one… Sheri Fjelstad was her name and I always thought she was the one. But she did not feel the same way. (I see a lot of the same teenage love looks between Jordan and Christiana that I recalled when I was 19 and Shari was 17.) Looking back, my life is better from her breaking it off as if we would have stayed together, I may not have taken this same 27 year journey (grad school, moving several times to advance my career and such.) Hell, I guess my son would not be here… But I recall I thought life was over... What else is there I thought? So in a way, I hope he understands that this may work out or it may not, either way, he has a whole life ahead of him. I know I did not see it that way when I was 19 and Sheri said goodbye…

I recently heard a song by Brad Paisley that hits this exact issue to heart. It is called a “Letter to me”. It is about writing back to himself about all those things that seemed like the end of life when he was 17… Or what he can look forward to as a result of those decisions… Part of the song goes:

“And then I'd say I know it's tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare

And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me”

I feel goofy that I shed some tears on this plane as I write part of this post… Thank you God for not having anyone sitting next to me to see me cry. But to love someone so much is a special place in a life. There is no stronger love, in my mind, than that of a parent and child who are close as my son and I. Basically, when his mother moved to Colorado when he was 10, it was just he and I most waking hours… We are close, at least I think so… I thought I felt this way over the years about other humans but today I know I have never had this dedication and love for any human before… I think back to my relationships and just cannot find one to cause me to have feelings this deep. Not even Shari.

Made me think if more than human relationships and love. I thought of running and exercise in general. I have always done it, know how important it is and how it makes me feel so great. Some people have a love for it, a passion, and a strong spirit… A different kind of love than that for a human. Others it is just a drug of choice. Others, it is a license to live… Others just have nothing else to do… Either way, I wish I could look forward to so many things in life, such as seeing a person, doing an activity or such, like I look forward to seeing and talking to my son. But then again, a true fathers love requires you are a father, and that I am….

Carry on…

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I am shocked

Nearing my last day in Germany I learned something that shocked me. Most say that it is expected but I was still in disbelief... It was Eric Chopin of Biggest Loser 3 )December 2006, and the winner who lost over 200 pounds has averaged a 1 pound per week weight gain since winning the $250,000. (Click here) Ouch! I thought I did bad with 1.2 pounds a month since my low of 216... He looks like hell again... But I am not looking that great either... Time to ... is the name of the blog and sicne I started it, I have not been following the steps needed to reach my goals... Gotta grab those boot straps, don't I...

Well the weather is going to start getting better soon. (Stormed in Munich today!) Getting away sure has been a welcomed and needed break from life.

Carry On!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

My son is in a Engineering world... Here is a video that we found we thought was a hoot... Called hug a nerd on Valentines Day... I can relate... Steve, how about you... Carry on...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

First three days were busy...

Well, it all started with my ride to the airport getting stuck at the office. So I am glad I decided to get to the airport 3 hours early as that put me there 2 hours early. I was also happy that I needed the time to pack, which I left to the last minute! I was sure I forgot something…

The airport was almost desolate. I was shocked with less than 10 minted to check in and get to security. As I awaited my boarding, I am somewhat ashamed to admit I was look around the waiting area seeing who I would like or hate to get stuck next to for 8 hours? There was no single person who intrigued me enough to make me think “they would be a good travel companion” but I did see three people who needed two seats and thought, “please God, no”… Kind of reminded me of my last flight I took where I had twice my weight right next to me. If you had not heard, she was the one, when I declined my processed meal; she gleefully said she would have it… That was after her skinny as a rail husband gave her his meal as well.

Well we boarded on time and I played a game as people came toward me, stopped and went into a seat around me. Goodie I have two seats to myself, oops maybe not… This continued and soon I realize, I would be alone! Window seat and the one next all to my comfort. So I started to sprawl out and prepare to enjoy the flight.

The first leg of the flight was uneventful, sort off… They had movies on demand and I decided to choose “the boy in striped pajamas”. Now this is a movie I saw previews for but really had not idea the intensity of the movie. The ending was so unexpected! Do not want to spoil it for you. But it is an independent film worth a look!

I slept little on the plane even though I took my son’s advice and did take the prescription sleeping pill after the meal. I dozed for 2 hours and woke from the constant beeps when people pushed the button to call for help. Sometimes it was simple like not knowing how to turn on the light? I often wonder am I becoming less patient or if the disparity in the world of intelligence getting whole lot wider?

We arrived 30 minutes early to Amsterdam when I had originally only 50 minutes for the connecting flight… Well, now 80 minutes made it easier. My connecting flight was on the other side of the airport and it was a long way to hustle with little sleep… Felt like mile 65 of a 100-mile race.

I did get there without any hassle. We waited for a while when boarding started 20 minutes late. Well, I hate to call it boarding as we were put on a bus and carted across the runways to a plane in the middle of what seemed like nowhere in the darkness. We sat on the bus looking at the plane for another 10 minutes when we were told that the ice made walking to the plane difficult and to board slowly. So we did… It was like Texans driving in a snowstorm. Some people had no idea what to do on ice. Took another 20 minutes to put less than 30 people on the puddle jumper sized plane.

Then we sat, and sat, and sat. First deicing was taking a while when the pilot informed up we had lost our spot on the flight schedule and the control tower needed to find a place for us. Another 15 minutes before we moved. Then the most confusing thing happened… I really had never thought that taxiing on the runway could take 15 minutes or more, but it did! We just kept moving along at about 20 MPH, crossed 2 interstate highway and finally, there was this runway. I looked out the window and could not see the airport… Wow!

Once we got in the air it was fine, but when we got to Munich, we were told we need to circle, as we are late and have to wait for the chance to land… Another 10 minutes we were on the ground.

I had anticipated customs and all those other issues people tell me about, either I was an idiot or there was no such thing customs. I just walked the path to the baggage carousel and got the luggage and walked out. Jordan was there and thank god, as even he almost got lost. But we made it to the train.

Interesting, my first impression of Germany was much like North Dakota. Many farms and abandoned junk around them. What surprised me was the large amount of graffiti on the farms and so little in the towns? Seemed odd? Maybe they chose to leave it at the farms and have this great graffiti patrol cleaning the city?

We dropped my stuff off at Jordan’s place and went to Ulm. It is a quaint Village with the church like none I eve saw before. It is called the Munster, the second largest gothic church in Germany after the cathedral at Cologne. Construction started in 1377 but did not finish until 1890. Yes, 413 years to build! Been a Protestant place of worship since 1530… It had magnificent 15th century choir stalls with numerous carved figures. The tower is the tallest church tower in the world at 161.53m high and 768 steps. No I did not get in, but would have been cool to do that stair workout! It looked fascinating. We also took a walk along a Dona River which was a mixed of styles in development. We also came across redevelopment of a property downtown. The construction materials dated this no more than 100 years old with the steel beams, brick and such. I never found out why it was being removed.

We spent the entire day in Ulm and retuned (2 hour train ride) back to Munich. We went to the grocer and home. I was tired and made my bed on the floor and slept hard. I had taken a Klomazimpam to help sleep… Jordan woke me several times as I was snoring, which concerned me a little as I thought I might have a little sleep apnea again. This was an issue in the past when I was over 250 pounds. When I was in the 230s, it was never an issue.

We slept until 11 AM, which was funny, as I have not done that in a long time. But I guess it was 2 AM back home. We spent most of the day at the BMW museum and it was cool. After that we ate at a student pub called DieBierstube. This is a place where Jordan said is common. The beer it the first priority and then the food. I ate a rice/chicken dish, which was quite tasty. It was called Feuertopf. Must find the recipe! We left the restaurant and went downtown Munich. There was some type of protest? Cops everywhere. We did not stay long… We came home and went to bed as we are leaving very early for Stuttgart.

Up at 5 AM for some reason, this being 10 PM back home. Did some odds and ends, showered and headed for the train. The train to Stuttgart was just over 4 hours with the transfers and stuff. We were meeting a friend of Jordan’s who was going to hang with us for the day. We arrived at 11:00 AM and we went to a place and Jordan ordered me Doener? Like Gyro meat but dry and less tasty… Been here three days and we still do not have a great brat… I though Germany was famous for the brats? We met Christiana at about 1:30 and toured the town before we went to the BMW Museum. This is the second car museum in two days and I am a little sick of auto history, so tomorrow, we will stay away from auto related stuff! We left Stuttgart at 8 PM and did not get back to Jordan’s place until 12:30 AM. Really tired but wanted to get a post for the first three days while I have access. No runs but walked al least 4-5 miles each day. I can feel it.

Time to sign off. Carry on!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

10 days since the last post...

Well it has been 10 days since my last post, and it will be more than that before my next post. I noted many of my pals also have limited posts in the past months... The economy, the weather, the stress just has many, like me, so frazzled... So many pals have pains or injuries which are holding them back... We just need for spring to get here... I am sure it will make us all so much better!

In the past 10 days I have run about 2 of 3 days with a minimum 30 minutes each time. I had two runs of over 2 hours each. I have been on this low carb diet and man do I feel so weak and slow. I have added weights in there but I just do not feel strong. My runs are actually how I felt between 72 and 77 miles in the 100 a few years ago. I try to make one foot go in front of the other but does not feel natural?

This past weekend, I know it was a little icy on the river trail but it was hard to maintain a 14-minute mile. My heart rate was only in the 130s but my legs were like logs that were just hard to move?

I leave for Germany tomorrow and I actually have no plans to run there at all… A whole lotta walking is in the books, but no planned runs. When I return, I go back in for a follow-up blood test and hopefully I can get off this low carb diet. I love pasta and since I have been working hard to have a 55% protein, 25% crabs and 20% fat, it sucks… Simple as that… I enter everything I eat and watch it close. Just not easy to do, at least for me…

As I watch the TV tonight, they have an interview with the single mother of 14… This has been the subject of many conversations, which I listened, but did not join into throughout the past week. The more I hear, the more I wonder how anyone ever expects to properly raise 14 kids on her own financially. I have one, and that is a challenge! But as my old professor would say, what is properly?

I know families with five or six kids, and see the hardships they have… I cannot help to think you and I will pay for raising these and many other kids in the same situation. I just will never get it, but maybe that is just it, I am not supposed to… Kind of like when I tell someone about Al Holtz and his 150 mile last year, they just never get it… I guess we all have out quirks, but the quirks many others and I have are not a burden on the taxpayer… Although, I may be making a wrong assumption, but that is all I can think…

I have been thinking a little about my potential race options for the 2009 season and I still come back to the same thought… Grandma’s and that is it… No other races!!! I know I am running more but just cannot get the heart into it… I enjoy the time outside, enjoy the runs, but the thought of a structured race just does not thrill me right now… I was thrilled to see a fellow blogger put together a great list of podcasts about running…. Check it out! http://mwrunfar.blogspot.com/2009/02/running-podcasts-continue-to-grow.html… I found some good ones on this list...

Anyway, gotta pack! Going on a 4,800 mile journey to see my son and have a relaxing vacation. Well, keeping up with a soon to be 20 year old highly active male may not be relaxing, but we have a great time together! This is the second real non-run/non-tennis related vacation I have had since 1999… So I am due, and I think it will be a nice break…

Carry on!